do you think this was rude?

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2013, 8:53 pm

Today I had a friend over for tea. My daughter happened to be at home, so I said to my friend come and meet my dd. dd came in the kitchen and they started talking a bit. This was the first time they met, and my friend asked her some questions including "do you have a boyfriend?" DD was quite embarrassed (I'm not sure if all girls would find this embarrassing but she is the easily embarrassed type.

abaker

Mon, Apr 08 2013, 9:05 pm

how old is dd? if shes a little girl I find it to be a weird topic of conversation...not something that belongs in a frum home (the idea of a boyfriend) and if shes of dating age...maybe the lady was just trying to help make a shidduch for her? (or if shes not frum, maybe she thought that something dd would be interested in?)

idk either way I find it a little rude Sad

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2013, 9:05 pm

I don't think she wanted to embarrass your dd, I think she was probably trying to be friendly, maybe she is lonely and wanted to get to know her. I can understand why your dd was embarrassed (I would be too), but I don't think that the lady meant to make her feel embarrassed at all. She is probably just an open person who isn't embarrassed and was trying to be friendly and playful. Judging by your dd's reaction she might have felt a bit sorry she said that, but I don't think she said it with any malice or anything or had any bad thought/intention.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2013, 9:10 pm

abaker wrote:

She is 18, modern orthodox I doubt she was thinking of a shidduch but it's probably that she thought you know all girls like to boys I guess (!)

marshmellow

Mon, Apr 08 2013, 9:17 pm

I personally wouldn't ask someone that. But funnily enough a lot of my girlfriends used to love talking to my mom about boy issues!

b from nj

Mon, Apr 08 2013, 9:17 pm

I don't think it's so rude if your daughter is MO b/c it is not so uncommon for MO girls at 18 to have boyfriends even though there certainly are many MO girls who do NOT have boyfriends at that age too! I agree with the poster above who did not think the woman was asking with malice. She was probably just trying to strike up a conversation & be friendly but it makes sense that your daughter might have been embarrassed especially if she is a private kind of girl or if she does not have a boyfriend & feels badly about it.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2013, 9:20 pm

b from nj wrote:

dd was very embarrassed, she said no, and the lady replied "better off without one"

abaker

Wed, Apr 10 2013, 8:28 am

amother wrote:

abaker wrote:

She is 18, modern orthodox I doubt she was thinking of a shidduch but it's probably that she thought you know all girls like to boys I guess (!)

I meant if the lady who made the comment wasnt frum...just to clarify, not dd Very Happy

imasinger

Wed, Apr 10 2013, 8:57 am

Yes, a little rude. I'd encourage a DD in such a home to say, "That's kind of a personal question, but no, I don't."

Tziril Miriam

Sat, Sep 27 2014, 8:07 pm

It was rude, but intrusive questions are very common. This was a good opportunity for you to discuss with your daughter appropriate answers to surprise personal questions. Especially if your daughter is shy, you need to give her practice handling questions she finds embarrassing. She needs to become more resilient in social and school situations.
I asked a 19-year old what she would say in this situation, and she said she would say "No. Gee, do YOU have a boyfriend?". Actually, I don't think she would really say that, but she would deflect the question to the other person. Such as, "When did you first have a boyfriend?"