I did IVF. Ask me anything.

amother

Mon, Apr 22 2013, 9:14 pm

amother wrote:

I'm going through IF, so this is something that I struggle with daily, but how do you come to terms with knowing that your child won't be conceived the natural way, but instead, will be created in a lab somewhere. Does that bother you?

I went through IVF, and B'h have beautiful twins to show for it. I also struggled with knowing that they weren't conceived the natural way, but to be honest with you, that was until I had them. Once they were born it didn't even enter my mind. It's such a brocha that even with fertility issue we can still have children. Good Luck!!

amother

Tue, Apr 23 2013, 11:56 am

amother wrote:

Is it true that a dh can only [finish] if doing it into cup while dw is not nidda?

According to most Rabbanim the best way for the man to give a semen sample if that he wears a special condom while he has intercourse with his wife. He then takes off the condom and puts it into a special cup and they race over the the dr's office because the sample has to be dropped off within a short amount of time. (I think 1.5 hours but I dont remember, its been a while since we did this.)

In some situations the Rav might allow the man to produce the sample on his own in a cup at the dr's office, without his wife.

Im just wondering why you say "in some situations"? Dont you think it really depends on the rav?
The rav that we asked, just about a SE before IVF, he told us that anything that DH needs to do for any IF treatment/cycle anything, he can produce in a cup if that is more comfortable for him.

Some Rabbanim allow men to use the cup right away, other Rabbanim want them to try the comdom first and only use the cup if they really need it. The situation I was referring to was if a women can not make it to the mikva before retrieval but will get there before transfer. A Rav who normally will only let the man use a condom might allow him to use a cup in this situation.

amother

Tue, Apr 23 2013, 12:06 pm

amother wrote:

Im expecting and I wanted to invite my husbands friends over for a shabbos meal. They are married for a few years already and they don't have children. I don't want to hurt the wife's feelings when she sees Im expecting... Do you think I should invite them or not? Ofcourse I am not going to be talking about my pregnancy if they come over.

Of course you can and should invite them. Act normal. Dont let maternity and pregnancy talk dominate the conversation but dont hide the fact that you are expecting.

amother

Tue, Apr 23 2013, 12:08 pm

amother wrote:

for an orthodox couple, how many weeks of nidda are involved?

Nidda days are the same as with any regular cycle, though if your protocol has you on birth control for the 2 weeks before you start the other medications, then that might prolong the nidda because of spotting and breakthrough bleeding.

And some people dont get their period after BC so they dont become niddah at all

amother

Tue, Apr 23 2013, 12:21 pm

amother wrote:

are people able to get to the mikva before the retreival?
before the transfer?

I have no personal experience with this so my answer is based on things I've read on the A TIME forums.

Most women manage to get to the mikvah before retrieval. If they dont get there on time they use a frozen semen sample or the man produces it in a cup.

She must get to the mikvah before transfer. If she wont get there on time the cycle is stopped, all embryos are frozen and transfer takes place a few weeks later.

amother

Thu, May 23 2013, 2:30 pm

amother wrote:

Personally, by me they put back 2 and I did end up with twins. Smile

It depends a lot on various factors, such as age and diagnosis and quality of the eggs, as well as personal preference. You have to be willing to take the chance of twins if they transfer 2. Two is usually the max in a young healthy women, but in older women with many failed cycles they might do 3.

I am older, so we only got two embryos on the first cycle, one on the second and no embryos by the third.

None of them worked, doctor says because of my age. I do have a child from my first marriage, so I am grateful to Hashem. My dh met me years ago but did not marry me because of his mother. I have to stop telling myself that his mother killed our children.

I also had kids from previous marriage. By second marriage were dealing with both mf and ff. we tried ivf, got 3 embryos, transfered all 3 because of my age and b"h one took.

amother

Thu, May 23 2013, 8:27 pm

amother wrote:

thinkermother wrote:

I know I'm totally ignorant in this area but if retrieval may be done before she is tahor why can't transfer take place them too?

Retrieval is when they take out the eggs and fertilize them. They transfer them a few days later. You don't have to be tahor for transfer.

According to my Rav you MUST be tahor for transfer.

amother

Thu, May 23 2013, 9:41 pm

amother wrote:

thinkermother wrote:

I know I'm totally ignorant in this area but if retrieval may be done before she is tahor why can't transfer take place them too?

Retrieval is when they take out the eggs and fertilize them. They transfer them a few days later. You don't have to be tahor for transfer.

According to my Rav you MUST be tahor for transfer.

Interesting. It has never been an issue for IVF, and when I thought I wasnt going to be we were told it wasnt an issue. I did an IUI once when in niddah with a collected sample. I wonder what your rav holds on and iui while niddah.

amother

Fri, May 24 2013, 8:01 am

amother wrote:

She must know you are pregnant and have time to digest that before you invite her, to give her the chance to decline if she wants to.

amother

Fri, May 24 2013, 8:45 am

amother wrote:

She must know you are pregnant and have time to digest that before you invite her, to give her the chance to decline if she wants to.

Also if you invite another couple who is expecting or has a child please don't have completely revolve the conversations at the meal around babies and pregnancy. I have been to many meals like that and while I understand that people don't mean to cause me pain, I can't quite forgive them for inviting me and then making my husband and I feel completely uncomfortable.

amother

Sun, May 26 2013, 2:47 am

Two questions:

1. What would make an IVF cycle fail? The sperm is joined with the egg in a lab, and only then it is implanted into the woman, right? So why would the zygote (I think that's what it's called?) not take? Once the sperm is joined with the egg, why would it matter if the sperm count is low- the bottom line is, sperm has been joined with egg- why isn't this foolproof? I know you can't give me a clinical answer to this question, as you are not a doctor, but from a patients perspective, what do you think is the reason?

2. How does a woman who is going through the craziness of IVF, who knows that her fertility is fine, and that her husband is the one with the issue, not feel resentful? Bottom line, he may have the issue, but she is the one that has to obsessively monitor her cycles, inject herself, feel all hormonal, do the retrieval and transfer, etc... So how does she not feel resentful about the whole thing?

busydev

Mon, May 27 2013, 11:19 am

amother wrote:

I did not go thru IVF but think I can answer this question. In a "regular" conception, it is possible for the sperm to impregnate the egg but for it not to take/implant properly. It is also possible for the zygote to not implant properly (usually called a chemical miss). Pregnancy is also a huge miracle. Kal vchomer with something that the body didnt do naturally.

Mama Bear

Mon, May 27 2013, 11:58 am

amother wrote:

64,000 question. My IVF cycle in 2002 had 37 eggs retrieved, 31 fertilized, 2 gorgeous perfect blasts transferred, and it was a chemical pregnancy. 3 subsequent frozen cycles were chemical pregnancies and one failed. IVF isn't foolproof science. The embryo still has to implant in the uterus and it doesn't always. Sometimes there is a chromosomal defect in the embryo that isnt apparent until implantation and it disintegrates. Sometimes it's simply mazel. Bashert.

As for #2 - I have an ovulation problem and my husband isnt resentful. It goes both ways. and yes, I did IVF bc of the ovulation problem - the amount of eggs I was making from injections was hard to control, I often made 6 or 7 eggs - so IVF was easier than going through cycle after cycle of ovulation induction to perfection.

Mama Bear

Mon, May 27 2013, 12:23 pm

amother wrote:

Do frozen embryos have the same quality as "fresh"?

It depends on how well it thaws and if it starts to mutiply/develop well after thawing. Sometimes the body of the mother is more relaxed and less overstimulated from medications as with a fresh cycle and may be more receptive to a frozen embryo than during a highly charged stimualted fresh cycle. Ive had success bh with frozen when I didnt with fresh.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, May 27 2013, 12:36 pm

amother wrote:

2. How does a woman who is going through the craziness of IVF, who knows that her fertility is fine, and that her husband is the one with the issue, not feel resentful? Bottom line, he may have the issue, but she is the one that has to obsessively monitor her cycles, inject herself, feel all hormonal, do the retrieval and transfer, etc... So how does she not feel resentful about the whole thing?

I am just seeing this now and find this question a bit strange. A COUPLE with infertility problems is just that, a COUPLE. Yes, the woman may have the problems or the man might have the problem, but they are a couple. And Im with MmaBear on this one. I dont ovulate. My husband does not resent me for having issues. I know that that was not what you were saying, but in a good loving relationship, both spouses do what they can for the other spouse during a cycle. They are there for each other.