Selective mutism | Imamother

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

Selective mutism

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amother

Wed, May 01 2013, 6:03 pm

Anyone know anything about this? My 5 year old doesn't talk in school but talks all the time at home with siblings. Anyone have experience with this and can offer advice/support? Thank.

amother

Wed, May 01 2013, 6:08 pm

amother wrote:

Anyone know anything about this? My 5 year old doesn't talk in school but talks all the time at home with siblings. Anyone have experience with this and can offer advice/support? Thank.

Speech therapy and/or counseling.

amother

Wed, May 01 2013, 6:11 pm

Where are you located? You can call shaindel Cohen in Lakewood. Don't know her number. Or if you're in the New York area , NYU child study center is the best.

amother

Sun, Mar 02 2014, 6:29 am

Bump. Going through this now and feel no one really understands. Anyone have a child with selective mutism?

amother

Sun, Mar 02 2014, 10:30 am

I don't usually post, but I've been down this road a few times so I kind of feel an obligation to share.

Firstly, although I've never gone through Shaindel Cohen's program, I've spoken to her and I've been very impressed - so it's definitely worth a shot, IMO. For most of it, you will need the school's cooperation.

For my kids, what helped was forging a close connection bet school and home, in the way of mitzvah notes every day with updates- like 'Grandma's coming for Shabbos!'...and bringing photos and drawings of family members to school, me volunteering in the classroom weekly- for one of the kids, and the teacher coming to the home for another,.. bringing tapes with the kid singing to school so the other kids hear his voice,.. Of course, you must proceed with great caution- bec the chid has to be ready for each of these steps, otherwise it will backfire.
I happened to have worked with a wonderful, soft therapist, who helped a lot. Personally, I found that the main factor was the personality of the therapist, not the experience and it doesn't really matter if it's a speech therapist or a Special ed therapist,etc...

Most important is that NOBODY- in or out of school make an issue of the mutism- no 'cat-got-your-tongue' approach, and the teacher should look out for the kid's needs- drinks, bathroom etc.. bec this is an anxiety disorder and the kid needs to feel comfortable enough to lower their guard- which can't happen if all he's thinking about is 'how can I get to the bathroom without speaking?'

Also, I have a personal theory which is not scientifically proven-yet- that the child is more likely to speak up to help another child than himself. If someone else is crying or didn't get snack, etc..and the silent child feels that only she can help, she may step in and speak up.

amother

Sun, Mar 02 2014, 10:40 am

amother wrote:

Thank you so much. Did u have a few kids with selective mutism? We tried Shaindel Cohens CDs but it was not a cure for us.
We are working with a therapist but it is difficult... I look at other kids who talk and think how the parents take it for granted.. Bh I'm thankful for every word dc says to us and non family members.

naomi2

Sun, Mar 02 2014, 10:40 am

my son didn't talk for a few months in the beginning of preschool but eventually he felt more comfortable and started to talk

amother

Sun, Mar 02 2014, 10:51 am

I'm the amother with a few kids- and yes, 2 weren't talking at all, one was helped within a year and was still quiet until about 4th grade, but is doing beautifully now-b"H!
Another still shuts down here and there-when in new situations, and -don't want to worry you- but I think you should know- that for that child the underlying anxiety issues have manifested in different ways, so even though she speaks, she has other anxiety issues- mainly in school- and now she acts out.

So it's important to recognize where this is coming from. At one point we changed our goal from speaking in school to feeling safe and comfortable in school. The teacher also felt better knowing the she wasn't pressured to get the child to talk. Also, very important- when the child does whisper a word, or have any sort of progress- no one should comment-no cheering, no big deal, just act natural. At least that's my take on it.
Some kids speak to either the teachers or the classmates- and can be built from there. Some won't even go to the bathroom,..

Op, how old is your child?

amother

Sun, Mar 02 2014, 11:15 am

I see now, your child is 5.. Don't know how I missed that. I wouldn't worry much yet, but I would work on it- gently!
Hatzlacha!!

amother

Sun, Mar 02 2014, 11:23 am

amother wrote:

I see now, your child is 5.. Don't know how I missed that. I wouldn't worry much yet, but I would work on it- gently!
Hatzlacha!!

Thanks we are. The hard thing is my younger child is showing signs of it so I worry about that too.... Do you have kids that don't have it?

amother

Sun, Mar 02 2014, 11:24 am

We took our son to NYU child study center once a week. It was very pricey and time consuming, but so worth it. We saw a lot of progress.
He's a teenager now, still shy but totally overcame the muteness.
With the right help your child will feel more comfortable speaking in school and social settings.

amother

Sun, Mar 02 2014, 12:46 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks we are. The hard thing is my younger child is showing signs of it so I worry about that too.... Do you have kids that don't have it?

3 children were just regular-shy, 1 was totally talkative.

I promise you, this is not the worst thing- besides for very severe cases. Your child can be the most beautiful asset to the class and there are many kids who are talking but will present with lots of other issues-so keep your chin up!

I also heard nice things about NYU from a friend who works in a related program, but I was hesitant to try something that required such abig commitment at such ayoung age.

amother

Sun, Mar 02 2014, 1:51 pm

we had issues with my dd where she was not talking in school when she was 5, I don't think it was selective mutism though, she did talk to other girls sometimes, but would not talk in front of the class when it was her turn, and she would not talk to the teacher to ask to go to the bathroom or anything else. I did some research online and there was a suggestion to invite people over to the house and for the parents themselves to be more friendly (me and my dh are both fairly quiet), I figured it was worth a try so I made it my mission to have guests over every single shabbos, and we did see an improvement with my dd in school.

amother

Sun, Mar 02 2014, 2:55 pm

I wish we could have a support group for parents of kids with selective mutism and the challenges we face.. It's hard and I can't really talk to friends or family about it because they would but understand. I hate when people make comments like its soo cute my child says your child doesn't talk ect...

amother

Sun, Mar 02 2014, 3:13 pm

My dd had selective mutism when she was 4 1/2. She was helped by an OT. As other people mentioned, what is most important is the person doing the therapy. Get recommendations, but there is no one specific kinda of therapist who helps. No pressure can be shown to the child to speak! Also, the OT mentioned that it stems mostly from anxiety. After 5 weeks of therapy, she started talking in school and she has not had an issue since.

Good luck.

hila

Mon, Mar 03 2014, 1:14 am

Have a look at http://www.selective-mutism.org/research.htm

Ruth is a friend of mine and very successful in her field. If you are in EY she treats privately, and gives courses in treating SM.

Hatslacha

mamapa

Mon, Jun 02 2014, 10:56 pm

my daughter also has selective mutism and I would LOVE to have a frum group of women to talk to openly about it... please pm me so we can talk. she is also 5 (seems to be the age it is noticed at)
thanks!

amother

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 8:29 am

mamapa wrote:

How is your daughter? I would love a support group - people to talk to about ups and downs of this!!!! I know I could BH be a support to people now and offer advice, where when we were going through this through the thick of it, it felt pretty lonely.

zigi

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 8:53 am

I had 2 kids with this. bh I totally forgot about the fact that my dd had it. she is now 9 and it was an issue when she was 4. my son is getting over it. he is now 6.

he was more severe than her. bh they both had seits who they made a connection to. I think that some adults can be intimidating and that also can make it worse. and they were put on the spot to answer them, I had to tell the teachers the child's issue and also to say just b/c they don't answer questions or look like they are listening doesn't mean that they don't learn everything, I videoed it for reference.

they started this at 2 one has a speech delay and was silent in daycare and the other no delay but when 3 when he first started school didn't talk. now he is 6 and is talking more. he had seits now in cse counseling and speech and ot

amother

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 10:59 am

My daughter's kindergarten teacher suggested that she had selective mutism (and we're happy she did!). We took her to a social worker who helped her work on the "worry bug" that was keeping her from speaking up. We saw excellent results (in under a year) and while my daughter will most likely not ever be the "life of the party" she has made exceptional improvement and her worry bug is a thing of the past. As others have mentioned, I would recommend doing your research to really find the right therapist to work with your child.

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