Dear people who organize meals

chani8

Sun, May 12 2013, 7:34 am

I think you should just make your own meals. Then you would appreciate the little trouble of opening the door and saying thank you wholeheartedly, even if you have to do it 50 times.

I declined PP meals because I hate the idea that someone has to go to all that trouble for me. I mean, what is so hard about making it yourself?

If you were sick, then that is a different story and I would understand needing a better plan.

In that case, have a table set outside or just inside your door for drop offs or an arrow pointing to deliver it to your neighbor.

Miri1

Sun, May 12 2013, 8:18 am

ra_mom wrote:

eema of 3 wrote:

ra_mom wrote:

eema of 3 wrote:

ra_mom wrote:

OP, I think a note saying something like 'thank you so much for your generous help! we are napping now so kindly leave your package in the box below and write your name so we can properly thank you' (attach a pen) is the way to go.
It needs to be easy for both the giver and the receiver.
Mazel Tov!

I dont think having people drop off their food at one house so one person can deliver everything is any harder than dropping it off individually at the new mothers house. ive never organized, but all the times that I have made part of shabbos for a new mom, I always dropped it off at the organizers house, and then she took the whole meal over. I wouldnt want people dropping food off and leaving it outside. it could end up being outside for a few hours, or animals could get into, or where I live, someone might take it....

The mom can head outside between nursing sessions and naps to bring the food in.

assuming shes not like me and forgets everything 10 seconds after it happens Smile

but seriously, if you are already taking a meal to someone, why is it harder to drop it off at one house than at another? what difference does it make if you drop it at the new moms house, or at someone elses house? obviously if you live around the corner or whatever then you arent going to want to go to the other side of town, but I dont see why everything cant be dropped of at one central location and then be taken over when its all ready.

I hear you.
But the moms I know who help with meals don't have time to keep answering the doorbell and taking packages either. They're usually at work and somehow manage to find an extra 10 minutes in their day just to drop off the food they prepared at midnight the night before.

Practically, it's not always easy transporting meals, especially everyone else's meals - think drips, soup. And, on an Erev Shabbos, I don't think I would have space in my fridge for all this Shabbos food to gather and sit. The practical ideas presented are a lot easier than dropping off at someone else, and having them deliver - that's just too many stops, and too many people have to be home to receive!

Honestly, I've never heard of a Shabbos being split by eight people. Where I live, it's usually split by two or three. I think that might simplify things a little.

Clarissa

Sun, May 12 2013, 8:19 am

I didn't have anybody bringing me food after I had my kids. All I can say is, wow, what generous people in your community. We had to fend for ourselves. The big bonus was after the bris, when we got to eat the leftovers from the catered lunch.

I totally understand how inconvenient it is having someone show up when you're in the middle of nursing or napping -- that happened to me. My husband would answer the door (although it did wake me) and would explain that I couldn't say hi or whatever. Maybe if anybody is with you, they can answer the door so you can go about your business.

Here's one thing to remember -- these people have lives and demands too, and their time is also precious. They're cooking for you in addition to doing so for their own families. If 4:00 or whenever works for them to come out and do drop-off, that's the time they can do it, and that's that. Maybe do what I think someone else suggested, and have someone who's organizing get all the food and deliver it at appointed times. Otherwise, it's still incredibly kind of people do do that. I don't think you can dictate when they show up, so either it's someone else's house or an interruption. Or you refuse all together, and do for yourself.

Mazel Tov on the new baby

granolamom

Sun, May 12 2013, 9:39 am

I so appreciated the food I got. it never occurred to me that getting up from a nap/nursing/dealing with toddler to accept the food was a problem. yes its annoying to get up but hey, these people are bringing food!
have you ever cooked for a pp mom? its not so easy especially if you are also juggling your own little ones and work schedule. when I send food for shabbos, my dh brings it over when he gets home. its the best I can do. generally I do try to call first, but I'm not always able to.

also, here we split shabbos into about 8. its hard to prepare an entire fri night or shabbos meal for another family by yourself. especially if you have a large family yourself. I can only fit so many chickens in my oven at once and I only have one oven.

sunflower_seed

Sun, May 12 2013, 10:23 am

Dear OP,

I understand you but as someone who has BH cooked for quite a few new mothers I must tell you that I made everything fresh and it took me about 3 hours to prepare the meal. I was given specific intructions what to cook etc. Then dh delivered the food. I always call/or dh contacts the new father before dropping off the food. I don´t think you are being inconvinienced on purpose. As many people pointed out. a lot of effort goes into making the food and people drop it off when they have time, and I dont think that they have relaxed fridays either...why dont you ask the person who organizes the meals to give you the list of the people for coming week and then let them now that they are welcome to come in a time frame that works for you. OR you can let the perosn who organizes the meals know what time frame works for you.

Mazal tov!

amother

Sun, May 12 2013, 11:29 am

Clarissa wrote:

I didn't have anybody bringing me food after I had my kids. All I can say is, wow, what generous people in your community. We had to fend for ourselves.

Right!

I didn't have anyone bring me food either and I had nothing in the freezer because I gave birth early - on erev Pesach! My husband went right back to work after Pesach too. I lived on pesach biscuits for a few days!

I understand how it can be frustrating to have to get up from naps/ nursing multiple times though, and with a newborn there is no telling when a nap or nursing might be so it is not as if you can tell people way in advance when to come.

If it isn't possible for one person to collect all the food, maybe they could at least Group with one or two other people who are making food to cut down the number of visits a bit. Or have the husband go around at a certain time and collect everything.

amother

Sun, May 12 2013, 11:42 am

Dear another I have been getting meals for quite sometime not due to a happpy occassion but because I've been very sick, I appreciate all the chesed my way and even though Friday's are so busy, BH have so many wonderful people in my life who are willing to do so much chesed for me. I know you just had a baby mazal tovs but please give thought to all the women doing chesed, andappreciatethat they are gutted ing you into thirty scedule, not the other way around... ..

Miri1

Sun, May 12 2013, 12:47 pm

amother wrote:

Clarissa wrote:

I didn't have anybody bringing me food after I had my kids. All I can say is, wow, what generous people in your community. We had to fend for ourselves.

Best idea of all. Helps the person who prepared it as well.

amother

Sun, May 12 2013, 12:48 pm

Op here- wow I really did not mean to sound spoiled or entitled. I honestly thought asking for certain times or leaving a note might seem rude so I thought just asking for no meals would be easier. But I honestly thought there is NO WAY I am the only new mom who finds it very hard to get up and drop what I am doing a week pp to answer the door so many times in a day. I guess I am. Rest they tell us? Not on a Friday or eruv Tom tov I guess. And stopping nursing is easier said than done when you have a baby with a latch problem and it takes a good 15-20 minutes to get a latch.

I see now everyone feels I am rude and selfish and I am sorry. I honesty thought others probably felt the same way but didn't want to say. I will know from now on just not to take meals for shabbos or yt. Sorry I am such a horrible ungrateful person that I wish to actually take a nap during the day Friday after being up all night.

I never said the food was not 100% appreciated I just expressed a wish that it could be better organized (this is how it was with my others as well but they did not have the same nursing issues therefor I got more sleep and nursed less so didn't notice as much.

Sorry I even brought it up.

Raisin

Sun, May 12 2013, 12:53 pm

amother wrote:

I didn't think you sounded spoiled. I totally agree not getting meals for shabbos would be preferable then 8 interruptions in one day. You can always buy challa and dips and have your husband throw some chicken in the oven.

Or ask the people in charge to only send you ONE thing for shabbos - eg a main dish.

chani8

Sun, May 12 2013, 1:12 pm

OP, I'm sorry for making you feel bad. Your issues are valid, that you are tired and nursing.

It really is ok to just say, no thank you, to the meals.

If you have a complaint, call your local organizer. But then again, it will possibly make her job, and everyone else's job, more complicated. Now they have to find some way to deal with getting the meals to you.

Also, not all women feel like you. Some would prefer that the food come as early as possible whenever it is ready, so they can see what they will have, while it is still early enough to get out and buy whatever it is that's missing or to cover for someone's bad cooking - which happened once to me, someone sent a cholent that had a medicine dropper in it and smelled like medicine. After that, I stopped taking free food.

anotherima

Sun, May 12 2013, 1:22 pm

When I organize Shabbos and Yom Tov meals for someone who is sick or after a baby, I ask everyone to drop off the food at MY house and then when I get all the deliveries I put it in a big box and bring over to the family.
It really is crazy when you have many people chipping in and making a shabbos for someone who is after a baby or sick and it is hard for them to open the door so many times on an erev shabbos when they are supposed to be resting.
We should all only need meals for GOOD THINGS! Smile

anotherima

Sun, May 12 2013, 1:24 pm

chani8 wrote:

CHOLENT WITH A MEDICINE DROPPER IN IT??? OIY VEY!!! Sad

chani8

Sun, May 12 2013, 1:25 pm

anotherima wrote:

chani8 wrote:

CHOLENT WITH A MEDICINE DROPPER IN IT??? OIY VEY!!! Sad

Her kids were wild. I can just imagine how it happened. . . LOL

amother

Sun, May 12 2013, 1:27 pm

Its a question I suppose of what is easier for someone.... Preparing shabbos meals postpartum, or getting the door a bunch of times. For me, the answer is for sure that the meal preparation is much more difficult. Maybe for a first time mother, who can cook while the baby sleeps, the meal preparation would be easier (although I dont think that was the case for me at the time....). One mother actually asked me to come downstairs (we lived on the 6th floor) which at the time I didn't think anything of, but I realize now was not nice at all. It was the dead of winter and I had to dress newborn up in snowsuit etc. When I got downstairs she said she could tell I was a new mother... Because otherwise I would have left baby upstairs (alone!). Yeah, 15 years and 4 kids later, still not!!