DS 21mo banging head when upset

busydev

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 11:12 am

DS recently started banging his head when he is upset.

For a while whenever he would bang his head, he would come to me for a kiss and then go do it again for another kiss.

More recently he started banging his head when he is upset. This started before our week long road trip, but it got worse over the trip (which makes sense cause of all the changes etc- tho we did basically keep him on schedule). For example when we were driving if he got upset (cause he wanted out, wanted another toy etc) he would take whatever hard toy he could reach and hold it up and bang his head on it- I would usually take it away asap and move it out of his sight and reach).

Today we were home and he woke up this morning and I dunno what clicked (or didnt click) in his brain. usually I get him a bottle and then he comes to my bed and drinks it next to me (continuation of nursing once my supply stopped basically). So when we went out of his room he said room (meaning my room) and when I said lets get your bottle he started screaming. so I got his bottle anyway and started to my room and he wiggled down and started having a serious tantrum. so I said to him, come to mommys bed when your ready and left him there (I can still see him from my bed and ignoring usually works within a minute)

but today after a minute he stood up and put both hands on the wall and started banging his head while crying. I ignored this too, and eventually he made his way closer (with some more bangs every few feet) until he was by my bed and let me pick him up and stick the bottle in his mouth and then he finally calmed down.

should I continue to ignore the head banging? any advice as to any other way to deal with it? He doesnt seem to mind, but it grates on my mothering instinct or something. it bothers me when he does it and I just want to go and wisk him away... but figure that will probably make it worse...

im sure the fact that things were different the last few days helped to intensify everything for him. we barely slept in the same place more then once (were in one place 3 nights over the weekend, but otherwise we were somewhere else for the 4 other nights) and saw a number of (for him- new) relatives, plus he spent alot of time in the car seat etc.

TIA

busydev

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 1:59 pm

hes not a late talker at all. if anything hes advanced, but at minimum average.

tho of course when he does get upset, talking to mommy is not the first thing on his mind.

I did try telling him to bang on pillows, but then he just does it harder on the walls. plus I dont want to give him to much attention because of it so that he doesnt use it as a manipulation tool.

he doesnt yet have any bruises from it (not banging THAT hard, but still pretty hard) SS6099 how did you react when they did it? im hoping he outgrows it sooner then later...

thanks again

Kugglegirl

Thu, Jul 25 2013, 7:45 pm

He is frustrated. Overstimulated by the changes in routine and new settings. He does not have the internal resources to communicate that to you. Communicate with him. Try to notice when he begins to get agitated & divert him with a pleasant & relaxing activity, or engage him in something that hold his interest.

Leaving him alone to sort it out does not seem like the best option in the current fluctuant setting.

When he wakes up, re-orient him to where you are staying. Show him where his toys are, where his bottle is, where mommy is staying.

Help him by telling him what is happening next before you tranisition to a new activity. Say the names of the new people he met, and new people he will see today.

Give him strong sensory feedback with blanket rolling, swinging & jumping to satisfy his need for sensory input. Let him smash things that are OK to smash. (My 20 month old like to smash pretzels with his sippy cup these days....)

Agreed that it is a stage, but no need for it to be a habit. Subvert & redirect.

busydev

Fri, Jul 26 2013, 9:17 am

Thanks. So we are back home already. and he had done head banging weeks before our trip.... it just got worse toward the end and yesterday once we were home.

I did talk to him about where we were going and what we were doing and we are talking about who we saw and what we did now. (hes very into routines- this is the age- and when we say one name of someone we saw he goes into the whole shpiel of who we saw, where we were, what we did etc etc etc...

Im also a bit concerned cause we are about to throw him in for another loop. his usual babysitter (my mother) is not gonna be here for most of August and hes gonna have to get used to a new sitter for the month. and then hes gonna start a playgroup. and im due a couple weeks later. I feel like we are setting him up for breakdowns (and now head banging) but I dont have much of a choice at this point.

I wouldnt call it chronic tho. he doesnt do it all day everyday, or even everyday, but he does it often enough. If he continues doing it very often like he has the last few days tho I will talk to his dr.

thanks everyone for your advice and ideas. problem is we dont have any carpets really. and at times when he has banged his head against the wall when on my bed and I tell him to bang it on pillows only, he will give me a look and deliberately do it on the wall again. thats usually the times when hes not having a tantrum at the same time tho. yesterday was a full blown tantrum with head banging tho.

mummiedearest

Fri, Jul 26 2013, 9:33 am

my dd used to do this as a manipulation tactic. (she has been a master manipulator since she was under two.) one time I put her in time out and she gave herself a bump the size of a golf ball. I had put her in her toddler bed, she came out and banged her head on the floor. I calmly replaced her in bed numerous times until she decided to start banging her head on the headboard. she did this because she wanted hugs and kisses instead of time out, and she knew injuries got her hugs and kisses. I saw through it and gave her a potch. I am not a big fan of potches at all, but this was the only option I could think of that would solve the problem. I gave her the potch, explained that I was doing this because she was hurting my dd and I couldnt' allow that because I love my dd too much. I made her finish the time out, and she's rarely hurt herself since. the few times she's tried, I reminded her that I potch her for it. she stops.

I find that if I let her know in a firm manner that I am on to her tricks, she stops that particular tactic.