Calling the rav with a question. Do you do it, or does DH?

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pumpkinsbubby

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 9:02 am

I am curious. I've heard alot of conversations lately where the women have asked a rav shaylos regarding the fast of yom kippur, I.e., what's if they are nursing or don't feel well. Can they eat? etc. etc.
Do you call the rav yourself, or does your DH call for you?

imasinger

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 9:38 am

For us, it depends on who has the time. If DH is going to have time at the end of davening, he asks. If not, I call and ask.

For TH questions, I always handled it myself.

mille

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 9:43 am

I don't see why my husband would need to call for me. I ask myself if the question is about me.

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 10:24 am

My dh often asks because he's more detail oriented than I am, so he'll ask follow up questions that I wouldn't think of. So if it's a cut and dry halacha (is this treif, can we do this), he'll usually call or ask in shul.

If it's something that relates to me AND it's less cut and dry, depends on my emotions, or something like that (such as a question about something that might offend my parents if we do it, bc, etc), then I ask. I want to make sure that my emotions are fully taken into account, and that's only going to happen if the rav actually hears me and I can have a full conversation with him.

doctorima

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 10:28 am

DH asks most questions to the Rav, but if there's something that I want to hear specifically and be able to clarify the details with follow-up questions, or where the Rav might need to ask me something factual, such as a kitchen kashrus question (what spilled on what) or a pregnancy or TH question, then I usually call.

mommyhood

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 10:31 am

If the question is about me I usually call especially if it's something like fasting where the Rav will need all the details and likely have questions. It's easier for me to explain the situation then to explain it to dh and expect him to give over the information 100% correctly. If it's something simple dh will call.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 10:38 am

If the question has to do with me then I ask. If the question has to do with my husband he asks. I never understand why a husband would ask a shaila for his wife if the question is about her. She can for sure articulate the question and all details pertaining to the question better because they have to do with her, dont you think?

wife2

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 10:47 am

I used to make my husband ask but then I would have more questions or want to give more details so I started calling. I know more about my pregnancy situation and can explain how I feel when I fast. Even if I tell dh, he may not know or feel it is important to tell the rav all the details. Anything that pertains to me and I want to know the reason why or provide details, I ask. If it is a general question not specifically relating to me, then he can ask.

mandr

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 11:04 am

My husband encourages me to call because this way the Rav hears it from my viewpoint, and I say all the pertinent details. If he'd ask, I'd likely find something later that I'm unsure about! But questions about stains or whatever, either my husband takes it when he goes davening, or I do.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 1:21 pm

It depends entirely on the question, and how it affects us. For my personal emotional and family issues I go to one rav, for business and ethics I go to another. Not because I think one will give me what I want to hear, but because I know which rav has more experience in which area.

DH handles all the kashrus questions, because he has extensive connections and has the time to call around and ask until he gets the answer he needs to hear. I once had a brand of chocolate I liked, and DH was not familiar with the hecksher. He called all the way to Switzerland, talked to the rabbi, then talked to the plant manager, and had them explain all of the ingredients, where they came from, what kind of equipment they used, EVERYTHING! I don't have that kind of patience.

For medical issues, we generally listen to our doctors, and then use our sechel.

m in Israel

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 1:27 pm

Usually I'll ask myself if it is my question -- something in the kitchen, for example that I can describe what happened better, or a fasting question, etc. For TH if we need to show something, then my husband will usually take it.

werty

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 1:27 pm

my dh asks it all. never spoken to a rav to ask a q. I find it awkward and he doesn't

DrMom

Thu, Sep 12 2013, 1:29 pm

If I'm the one with the shaila, then I'm the one who contacts my rav. No middlemen for us.

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