neighbor asking to borrow money

#1 Mom

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 10:43 am

what would you do if your 15 year old neighbor rings your doorbell one sunday afternoon asking you if he can borrow $40? he said that he will pay us back in a week. he obviously is hiding something from his parents. would you give him the money?

vintagebknyc

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 10:53 am

I'm not big on lending $$. if you can't afford to lose it, don't lend it.

but there's a bigger issue here: do you know this boy? what is he like? can you ask him what it's for?

shalhevet

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 10:59 am

You know you are only allowed to lend money if someone signs a shtar, right? First tell him this - if something fishy is up, he probably won't want to have written evidence around.

imasinger

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 11:15 am

There's no question that you shouldn't loan him money unless he comes up with a very compelling reason that can be verified.

The question I have is whether you are under any obligation to tell his parents that he was asking.

33055

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 11:21 am

I am kind of surprised at the vehement nos. I lend my female teenage neighbor money periodically. I would lend her brother the same amount. I just assume it is on behalf of the mother. She needs cab fare or to pay the cleaning lady or to pay something not at a frum store. I never ask.

Shana_H

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 11:21 am

imasinger wrote:

I would Absolutely not lend him any money! And I would definitely call his parents and say something like "Ya know, Yitzi was asking to borrow $40 today, is everything ok?" I would want to know if the boot was on the other foot!

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 11:49 am

Anybody who is underage cannot sign a contract and can't borrow money. So your neighbor didn't ask anything, his kid did.

In a very respectful way your husband should calmly mention it to the other family's husband/father, right away.

The women should both act as if nothing had happened.

Your husband can ask the other husband if they could use a little help? What kind? It doesn't have to be money, and it might be better if it were not. A few extra breads on Shabbos? An hour of your cleaning lady's services? Watching a child while the wife works part time? A break in a business context?

Giving money to other people's children is not ok, it seems to me. Money control is the parents' sovereignty. You are empowering a child you have no right to empower.

vintagebknyc

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 11:55 am

obviously, the boy came to OP because he felt he could trust her. shouldn't she find out what's going on before telling his family? shouldn't she find out why she was coming to her?

how do you know something nefarious isn't happening at his house, which is why he couldn't ask his family.

I have a strict policy with my friends' children, and that is that they can come to me for help at anytime, and I will help them without sharing with their parents unless it's something the parents need to know (drugs, etc). 14 is not a baby. it can be, but not always.

I think she should find out why he is asking

shalhevet

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 11:57 am

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Anybody who is underage cannot sign a contract and can't borrow money.

He is over bar mitzva. In halacha he signs his own shtar and can borrow money. Not that anyone has to lend it to him, especially if they don't know what it's for.

greenfire

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 2:15 pm

obviously it depends on the kid and/or his circumstances ... if you have a rapport with him and can trust him ... if his family otherwise doesn't have monies and he has a need ... if he works it off by some sort of helping out ... if it's not for drinking and/or drugs and/or cigarettes

imasinger

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 2:59 pm

Shana_H wrote:

imasinger wrote:

What if you knew for a fact that there was an abusive parent, and he wanted to borrow the money to get to a safe place?

Kugglegirl

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 4:50 pm

$40 is not so much money to get into any kind of real trouble with. I would lend it to the kid. Maybe ask what it's for.

Probably the kid wants to go play paint-ball with some other boys, or he needs to buy a new sweat shirt, or buy a sefer his father doesn't have for mishmar but forgot to get money from his parents before they went out.

mummiedearest

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 5:05 pm

Kugglegirl wrote:

$40 can buy you a prepaid cell phone card, so you can contact people without your parents being able to check a phone bill. $40 can buy you a new video game your parents may have told you you can't have. $40 can buy wine, beer, etc. $40 can buy you inappropriate magazines. $40 can go pretty far, actually. and if part of the deal is that you can't tell his parents, I'd be very careful to find out what it is that the kid needs.

as for a sefer he needs, he's ask if you have a copy he can borrow first. and I don't know any kid who will approach an adult neighbor to give him money for schoolbooks.

ValleyMom

Mon, Oct 14 2013, 6:15 pm

Maybe the poor kid wants to buy his parents an anniversary present or a birthday gift?
I still would ask the parents if it is okay.
I would not be happy if my kid was askingneighbors for money