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-> Working Women
tsiggelle
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 Tue, Oct 22 2013, 8:44 am
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Block letters on purpose.
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Cookie Monster
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 9:13 am
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STMommy
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 9:15 am
Thank you.
The debate is absurd and obnoxious.
I was both a SAHM mom and a full time working mom.
Neither one is easy.
It is insane to think you have a better/easier life than someone else anyway. What do we know about someone else's yisurim and nisyonos?
Enough being judgemental.
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zaq
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 9:16 am
Some people are ambivalent about the choices they made and need to denigrate the paths they rejected in order to bolster their confidence in the path they chose. Those grapes were sour, anyway.
Some people are tired of being criticized for the choices they made and feel that the best defense is a good offense.
Some people have an ingrained sense of the superiority of everything they do, and out of deep love for humankind are impelled to show the rest of the world the errors of their ways so that they, too, can do everything right.
And finally, misery loves company.
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curlgirl
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 9:22 am
I agree with you in theory, but gaping holes in logic in that thread (IMHO) made me jump in anyway.
I apologize 
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L25
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 9:32 am
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THANK YOU!!! these Mommy-wars really bother me. We aren't talking about looking away at abuse G-d forbid or anything that's actually major. I'm a SAHM, I know people who are better moms if they work- power to them. I feel the same way about nursing. I nurse. I know plenty of people who don't. There's so much that makes up a good mommy- you know like patience, understanding, responsibility etc...can't we just focus on helping each other be good mothers without attacking them for their choices of how they go about trying to do it. About who has it easier- personally I've got other "stuff" going on- in my case it's mental illness- outsiders don't see it. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has my "stuff". You can't judge whose life is easier unless you actually LIVE someone else's life which isn't going to happen so just LIVE AND LET LIVE
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ora_43
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 9:59 am
I agree with curlgirl, even though I disagree with curlgirl about what the holes in logic were...
I think most people on both threads are either honestly, non-judgmentally sharing their own experiences (IOW taking OP seriously) or responding to specific points that bother them. My sense was that there wasn't much of a "mommy war" going on.
Some posts did have controversial wording, but I think people are mostly just venting about their own situation, and that statements that could be interpreted as putdowns were unintentional.
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amother
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 10:03 am
some people are jealous, wish they didn't have to work, cherry pick, and/or the grass is always greener.
kudos on the thread title
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Share
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 10:43 am
Many people forget that what they do is not exactly their choice.
There is a Creator and Coordinator of this World and He involves Himself very specifically in all that we are destined for.
Some woman are destined to be sahm, some woman are destined to work outside of the home, and some of course are destined for both.
We so easily forget that it is not up to us. No one is in control of their life. If life follows your plans then great consider yourself very blessed.
And if life brings you the exact opposite of what you've always dreamed of and wanted, you are also blessed and it's the best for you. An even bigger blessing is to always be able to see the good in everything.
Being jealous of others is so silly for many reasons. First, it's not meant for you. Second, you really don't know the whole picture of what goes on.
Interesting note: When it says "Thou Shall Not Covet" it goes on to say: (forgive me if it's not an exact quote) "Your neighbors house, wife and others"
If you are jealous, you need to be jealous of everything this person has, his life, his job, his children, his spouse, his parents, his in laws, his relationships. You can't just covet one thing from this person, it's the whole picture or nothing.
And everyone in the end takes back their own "peckel".
Hashem Loves Us All and Always Knows and Does What is Best For Us
Let's put our full faith in Him and let Him lead us in every way. Life is so much better like that!
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black sheep
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 10:48 am
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well done. timely thread of the year award.
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Share
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 10:53 am
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I know it doesn't come in here at all, but I love the name tsigelle. I think it's adorable to even come up with such a name!
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TranquilityAndPeace
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 10:56 am
Personally, I'm saddled with guilt either way. I'm guessing that others are as well, which leads to the extraordinarily strong emotions.
If I'm a SAHM, why am I not contributing to my family's finances? Why am I not putting my years of schooling to good use?
If I'm a Wording Mom, then why am I leaving my baby with a babysitter? How will her emotions and sense of trust be affected by leaving her 5 days a week? Is the babysitter taking proper care of her?
The guilt eats us up, either way....
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chocolate chips
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 11:33 am
I think what we all need is a week full time work followed by two weeks at home. LOL.
Totally agree, I always tell my husband "I will kvetch either way  "
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cinnamon
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 12:09 pm
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Whats the fun in that
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red_velvet
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 12:13 pm
| Share wrote: | Many people forget that what they do is not exactly their choice.
There is a Creator and Coordinator of this World and He involves Himself very specifically in all that we are destined for.
Some woman are destined to be sahm, some woman are destined to work outside of the home, and some of course are destined for both.
We so easily forget that it is not up to us. No one is in control of their life. If life follows your plans then great consider yourself very blessed.
And if life brings you the exact opposite of what you've always dreamed of and wanted, you are also blessed and it's the best for you. An even bigger blessing is to always be able to see the good in everything.
Being jealous of others is so silly for many reasons. First, it's not meant for you. Second, you really don't know the whole picture of what goes on.
Interesting note: When it says "Thou Shall Not Covet" it goes on to say: (forgive me if it's not an exact quote) "Your neighbors house, wife and others"
If you are jealous, you need to be jealous of everything this person has, his life, his job, his children, his spouse, his parents, his in laws, his relationships. You can't just covet one thing from this person, it's the whole picture or nothing.
And everyone in the end takes back their own "peckel".
Hashem Loves Us All and Always Knows and Does What is Best For Us
Let's put our full faith in Him and let Him lead us in every way. Life is so much better like that! |
You are very wise. I love this.
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red_velvet
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 12:15 pm
| TranquilityAndPeace wrote: | Personally, I'm saddled with guilt either way. I'm guessing that others are as well, which leads to the extraordinarily strong emotions.
If I'm a SAHM, why am I not contributing to my family's finances? Why am I not putting my years of schooling to good use?
If I'm a Wording Mom, then why am I leaving my baby with a babysitter? How will her emotions and sense of trust be affected by leaving her 5 days a week? Is the babysitter taking proper care of her?
The guilt eats us up, either way.... |
You are so right. It all comes down to guilt!
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MamaBear
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 12:25 pm
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I think maturity plays a big role. I was very opinionated when I was younger and I know there are many younger women on this site. Few women who have been through years of the ups and downs of life, parenting and marriage are still judgmental.
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imamiri
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Tue, Oct 22 2013, 12:42 pm
| TranquilityAndPeace wrote: | Personally, I'm saddled with guilt either way. I'm guessing that others are as well, which leads to the extraordinarily strong emotions.
If I'm a SAHM, why am I not contributing to my family's finances? Why am I not putting my years of schooling to good use?
If I'm a Wording Mom, then why am I leaving my baby with a babysitter? How will her emotions and sense of trust be affected by leaving her 5 days a week? Is the babysitter taking proper care of her?
The guilt eats us up, either way.... |
^^This is exactly how I've felt for a long time, the feeling of being wrong with either choice.
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smilethere
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Wed, Oct 23 2013, 4:51 am
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Eternal Guilt and always feeling that whatever we do is not enough or good enough!
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