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Delayed reaction to new baby?



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amother


 

Post Wed, Nov 20 2013, 3:32 pm
Everyone knows that a new sibling is hard for the older one, so we prepared for the inevitability that our 2 year old was going to act out, regress, and whatever else they say happens during this big transition. To our pleasant surprise, he was great, initially. He would hug and kiss the baby, bring diapers, cuddle with both of us while nursed, reveling in being a Big Boy. We thought we lucked out. Well, now the baby is 3 months, and NOW he's doing all the things we expected him to do in the beginning- exhibiting regressive behaviors and speech, sleeping poorly, attacking the baby, suddenly demanding undivided attention while I'm nursing instead of agreeing to cuddle/read a story, and general acting out. Is this normal, to have a delayed reaction? Why would he be fine in the beginning and then later start acting out? How do we handle this?
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MommyZ




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 20 2013, 3:34 pm
Yes. It is normal. My second child had a delayed reaction to his younger brother being born. He adjusted, but it took time, love and support.
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 20 2013, 4:03 pm
It could also be his age. My 2 year old skipped the terrible two's when he was 2 and started them when he turned 3.
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bubbebia




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 20 2013, 4:08 pm
You can talk to him about it til he's blue in the face, but as a 2 year old, unless he actually experiences it, he can't understand what you mean. Now he's been experiencing the fact that the new baby has kind of taken over and he's ticked off. Be kind to him about it. Keep calm, speak quietly but firmly and know that this too shall pass.
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LittleRed




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 20 2013, 5:03 pm
It's very normal and makes a lot of sense; in the beginning it was all fun and exciting for him. He was the Big Brother (he probably didn't really understand what that meant, other than you and DH giving him attention about something new and interesting) but now the novelty has worn off and he realizes that the baby is staying and that means less time with you.
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busydev




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 20 2013, 5:46 pm
I have been having the same thing with my 2yo. he was great for the first 2 months and then the last 2 weeks hes been much more aggresive both to the baby and to me. his playgroup morah also says hes been hitting more then he used to in the past couple weeks. but that could also be because hes also around other kids hitting more. dont have any advice, but wishing you (and me) hatzlocha.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 20 2013, 6:22 pm
Sure, why not? The novelty has worn off, the thrill of being The Big Brother is gone, and reality has sunk in. He's been had, and he ain't happy.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 20 2013, 6:55 pm
It's totally expected!!!!!! Normal reaction. Give him a lot of att and involve him as much as you could. For example- read him a book when feeding the baby, speak to the baby about him..... It will pass.
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oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 20 2013, 10:29 pm
Also, for lots of toddlers it's when the baby starts to get more cute/interactive, that's when they act up.
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chatouli




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 20 2013, 10:35 pm
oliveoil wrote:
Also, for lots of toddlers it's when the baby starts to get more cute/interactive, that's when they act up.


This was my experience. DS1 didn't care much about DS2 until DS2 was about 16-17 months old and his personality really emerged. Then we had behavioral problems with DS1 we had never had before (also aggression etc). I guess he hadn't been jealous and only started when he realized we thought the baby was fun too.

It's passing (slowly).
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 20 2013, 10:41 pm
Oh, absolutely. And the ups and downs will continue for the next 20 years or so. Every time you think you're "over it" ...well, it's not over. Every new stage for either child changes the whole relationship.

The good news is that it does get better overall. As the baby becomes more of a person, the sweet sibling interactions increase, and that takes the edge off the tense moments.
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