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downsyndrome

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 3:22 pm

I think the moral of the story has gotten lost on many of you.

The point, how I see it is that two people can have the same diagnosis, but it depends what they do with it which will be the determining point about the direction their lives will take.

Both Bin and Shimmy have ADHD. Bin has been fighting it tooth and nail while Shimmy has been stepping up to the plate, taking responsibility for the shortcomings that are part and parcel of ADHD and generally treating himself with every available treatment in order to be a functional human being - make that a great human being, while Bin is just floundering through life.

That's the message I took out and it's an important one. Thank you Riva.

watergirl

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 3:23 pm

youngishbear wrote:

Do you know for sure she's on here?

She is on here. At one point, she was doing research for a story and posted here telling us so, and asking for help with specifics. I think her name is writeon.

youngishbear

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 3:25 pm

downsyndrome wrote:

That would've been the message if Bin would stay single, no? The confusing part to me is if Bin is doing poorly, why is Elisheva willing to put up with him?

downsyndrome

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 3:27 pm

youngishbear - Because many people don't learn and also fall for charm. Bin is a charmer, remember? Riva is not trying to portray a person with untreated ADHD as somebody who is severely disabled and cannot get through life at all; she is showing the struggles of the victim/patient and all the people who become entangled in this person's life.

youngishbear

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 3:33 pm

downsyndrome wrote:

Ah... That makes sense. I was uneasy in the beginning when she portrayed Libby as being too uptight - when poor Libby would've done really well married to anyone else in the world.

Basically you're saying it was never about Libby at all. Very Happy

Coke Slurpee

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 4:09 pm

I think Libby was attracted to the adhd personality. But bin was not managing his adhd.
Shimmy's adhd was under control so he had all the positive qualities of adhd without the negative fallout that came with Bin's adhd.

Coke Slurpee

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 4:13 pm

I didn't see what DS wrote when I posted.
I agree one hundred percent with what you said. It's so true!!

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 4:14 pm

downsyndrome wrote:

I think the message is that it's what their parents do about it that will determine their lives. Bin's parents refused to see that their kids had a problem, whereas Shimmy's mother got him all the help she could.

Moral of the story for Libby: You better get Avi help or else you'll be to blame for his disaster of a life.

youngishbear

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 4:38 pm

amother wrote:

So it is about libby!

Scratching Head

Actually it's probably for all of us... lessons about handling our problems and not running away from our responsibilities. And helping our children reach their potential by getting them help if they need it. And helping ourselves when we need it...

JMM-uc

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 4:50 pm

youngishbear wrote:

Do you know for sure she's on here?

Yes she is and she hasn't kept her sn a secret either.

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 4:57 pm

Now to the point: what kind of therapy does a teen with adhd need and how can I find references? No one responds to my threads

Sherri

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 7:25 pm

amother wrote:

Now to the point: what kind of therapy does a teen with adhd need and how can I find references? No one responds to my threads

Does the teen have a diagnosis? From either a psychiatrist or neurologist... What are you up to in the process? Cognitive Behavioral therapy to learn skills can be very helpful, many people do that in combination with some sort of medication. It's all so relative, though...

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 7:34 pm

downsyndrome wrote:

I agree with you in theory. And I appreciate the point- it's something I try to work on with my various struggles in life. (And similar to what's being discussed on the IQ thread, someone mentioned "tuchus factor" ie. how much effort put into life's accomplishments vs. relying on IQ will be a bigger determinant in success.)

However, as the wife of a man with ADD (no H here, seems so uncommon on here)- almost by definition a person with ADD since he is a kid does not have the coping skills to figure out what he is supposed to do. As it is he describes his experience in life as being put down on a baseball field only knowing the rules of soccer. He describes floating through his years not knowing what was going on, how come everyone else seemed to get what to do in life- things like school, friends, relationships... and this is with diagnosis, meds, some therapy (as much as was available decades ago.)

So I would like to assert that a lot of the responsibility in this area does belong to the parents as much as they could. My husband could barely figure out how to get out to work at a reasonable time these days- never mind a therapy program. After more than a decade of marriage (and therapist after therapist and medication after medication) is he finally seeing someone he feels can help him. (And even all this is due to my pushing for it.)

But please don't look at a person with ADD who is having a hard time coping and wonder why he isn't doing more for himself to be more successful.

Coke Slurpee

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 7:39 pm

There is also Libby's sister-in-law, Rivkah, who is married to Bin's brother. While Riva doesn't go into detail about what his issues are, it is clear that he is difficult to live with and can't hold down a job. Despite his difficulties Rivkah makes a concious(sp?) decision to make her marriage work and stick to it.

PinkFridge

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 8:10 pm

Reevs, well done! Love how you explained the Shimon thing.
Now back to catch up on the rest of the discussion.

PinkFridge

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 8:15 pm

Coke Slurpee wrote:

Her husband is also committed. There was a point in the story when it seemed like there was a possibility of Libby and Bin getting back to together and then Bin, in a completely unfiltered, meds wore off moment brings up Elisheva and puts the kibosh on that. He seems quite ok with the divorce.

Coke Slurpee

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 8:47 pm

Is there really a firm commitment from Rivkah's husband to make it work? I don't recall anything specific? That's not to say it's not there...
I thought it was more of Rivkah's conviction to make it work no matter what.

With Libby and Bin, I think, Bin was "perfectly happy "and married to Libby, but it was more of Libby's inability to handle Bin's dysfunction that precipitated the divorce. She asked for the divorce. I don't think he saw it coming. (Though that was probably because of his adhd.)

yogabird

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 9:09 pm

Another reader here who is super confused about why Shimmy had to have ADHD also. Especially since he doesn't act it *at all*. It's not like she showed him actively struggling with it and overcoming. For all practical intents and purposes he seems "cured".

yogabird

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 9:09 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

What's that got to do with Sender's alleged commitment?

PinkFridge

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 9:21 pm

Rivka's making the conscious decision, but Sender's not going anywhere.
I don't remember every detail. Was Bin so crushed by the divorce? Maybe he eventually talked himself into it but I get the impression he was happy not to have the daily hassles of marriage and Libby. At least to start. But I do remember how in almost the same breath, or at least, the same day, he can seem to hint at reconciling with Libby, then when the meds wear off talk about his date with Elisheva. Artless, to say the least.

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