Seeking help with unconventional low-cost weddding options

imasinger

Fri, Jan 03 2014, 3:58 am

amother wrote:

My wedding was about a quarter of a million dollars and the entire meal was buffet (or, in other words, a shmorg). So if you do a shmorg for the wedding, people won't necessarily think you did it to be cheap:) I don't know if shmorgs save money though bec they have to take into consideration that everyone might want all of one food and none of the other so they have to make enough of everything.

I usually don't post this kind of reaction, because everyone makes their own choices, but that's a whole lot of moolah!!

Out of pure curiosity, why was the choice made to spend so much? If you had it to do over again, is there anything you would change?

amother

Fri, Jan 03 2014, 4:50 am

imasinger wrote:

It wasn't my choice. I didn't really have say. I have so far only looked at about 20 pictures of the wedding because it really means nothing to me, nor to dh. Whenever they asked me my opinion I told them I didn't care because I wouldn't remember any of it because the point of the wedding is the marriage, not the party. But when they pressed me I told them my opinion but they didn't listen anyway, so it wasn't for us. It was for our parents more than for us, I think. I think it's totally stupid to spend that much money on a wedding, ever. I hardly remember the wedding, but from what I do remember, I do think the wedding was beautiful and I am extremely grateful. Honestly, though, I could've gotten married in a tent and been happy. Why did they choose to spend that much? Idk but it wasn't to show off. They have the money to do it and they wanted the wedding to be nice.

sky

Fri, Jan 03 2014, 9:26 am

nyer1 wrote:

who says you CAN'T do a tent wedding? I went to a frum outdoor wedding and it was one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever been to. they happen to have done it in what I think was an expensive way, but it didn't have to be that way. it can be done very simply and if you can find a nice place to do it with nice outdoor scenery, it is beautiful

I believe setting up a tent like that is expensive to rent and setup and take down. And if the ground is muddy it can be an issue as can rain [Putting down a floor is very expensive] and then you also have to get chairs and tables, its a big job. It is probably cheaper to rent a cheap hall that comes with the furniture.

But tent weddings are gorgeous.

bubbebia

Fri, Jan 03 2014, 10:04 am

We know people who did a tent wedding at a local museum/garden spot. Depending on how the facility works, you might have to rent port-a-potties for bathroom facilities! It was very expensive. Do your research!

We went to a wedding in a state park that was done on the cheap but was really quite nice in a very beautiful setting. The reception was in a covered pavilion. The Chosson's tish in one spot and the kallah's reception in a lodge attached to the pavilion. The chuppah on a patio outside. The yichud room was a tent pitched in the woods. The dairy meal was a buffet served in the pavilion but there were tables and chairs set up outside so people could eat either place and dancing was out in the field with piped in music. It was a lovely lovely wedding. Very different, but it was very much about the couple.

This same family married off another child with a slightly different twist. The simple shmorg and kallah's reception was in the shul's garden with the chosson's tish in the shul's library. The chuppah was held in a local park across the street and at the top of a hill. It was a hard shlep up the hill, especially in heels and there was virtually no access for cars to drive up. Chairs were set up in a grassy area along the woods and that's where the chuppah was held. They piped in music via the car stereo system and yichud was held in the family van. And then we all shlepped back down to the shul across the street for the buffet meal and more dancing. And the centerpieces were little fish bowls, each containing a single goldfish. Really cute.

Invitationwise, if you have a computer and ink jet printer you can make your own. Have a friend who's a little artsy who can make up a logo for you? I know the big stationery stores sell DIY invites. Not expensive at all. Just need a little time to print them out. But I found, when doing bar/bat mitzvah invites that it was really easy to do it in shifts of 25-30 at a time.

For centerpieces you don't need to spend a lot either. Who says you need flowers? Fill a low bowl with some damp sand and put in shells and driftwood with a short fat candle. Or a mirror tile with several votive candles and some glittery confetti type stuff or rose petals sprinkled around the tile.

Here's your chance to get creative. And what ever happened to the community's making a wedding? Can everyone get together and cook in the shul kitchen for a buffet? There are so many things one can do to make it so much less expensive but still a beautiful simcha. After all, isn't it about the couple getting married? And what is generally most important to the couple is who's there to celebrate with them.

Good luck. Keep us posted on what ends up happening. Maybe I can use some of your ideas for my own dd's wedding (provided she finds a chosson first).

cbg

Fri, Jan 03 2014, 10:40 am

OP what is the budget for this wedding?
I think a takana wedding is your best deal.
It includes everything hall, food, flowers, music, pictures, etc.
I know Neemas Hachaim and Lake Terrace cost is about $20,000 for 500 ppl, this includes everything.
I'm sure less for less ppl.
Both places are gorgeous, personally I like Neemas Hachaim better.
Also there is a third place in a school (also a gorgeous hall and chupa room).
Takana weddings are even less there, and the manager there is very accommodating and will help you budget even further
I don't remember the name of this hall, but I'm sure some of our IMA mothers know of the place.
Since it includes everything you come in like a guest to your wedding, instead of trying to put everything which may come out more expensive at the end.
Even if this is out of your budget, I suggest you go speak to them and see how to lower your cost.
Also, I'm sure there are takana weddings in Brooklyn and other places as well.

cbg

Fri, Jan 03 2014, 10:57 am

"Here's your chance to get creative. And what ever happened to the community's making a wedding? Can everyone get together and cook in the shul kitchen for a buffet? There are so many things one can do to make it so much less expensive but still a beautiful simcha. After all, isn't it about the couple getting married? And what is generally most important to the couple is who's there to celebrate with them. "

This is a great idea if your synagogue allows it. We did this for a couple in our synagogue. We cooked in the synagogue. Everyone made a dish from a menu we put together. There were lots of salads, fish, chicken, potatoes, string-beans, and cake and fruit for dessert. The wedding was small though, about 100 ppl. It turned out beautiful and a great simcha. The couple did hire a DJ, besides that everything was donated. We used fancy disposable plates and cutlery, but real white table clothes we borrowed from people (the shiny stain proof shabbat kind) A friend of theirs (best friend) took pictures, but he is a professional photographer. Someone bought some calla lilies at the market and wrapped it in ribbon for her bouquet. Her dress was borrowed from a gemach.
It was so beautiful that we even did the bris for their first born son.

Ask people to help you'll be surprised at the talents, creativity and chesed.

cbg

Thu, Sep 11 2014, 7:58 am

amother wrote:

I hope one day it will be acceptable to put up those party tents in your yard or a neighbor or relatives yard and do a wedding like that.

I have been to a few weddings in the Syrian community that were quite wealthy families and at the beginning is only alcohol and hor devoirs then after the chupah is shmorg style dinner.

Yes, but those shmorg style dinners are quite elaborate in the Syrian community. Some serve full steaks grilled to order, lamb chops, etc.

Budgeted means different things to different people.
What kind of budget are you talking about?