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Forum -> Relationships -> Guests

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chaos

Wed, Jan 08 2014, 12:27 am

and I don't know what to do about meals.

I hate hosting. I find it really stressful on many levels and I don't derive any joy out of it. We're newlyweds (almost 1 year married, but totally doesn't feel that way) who never managed to successfully cram two 1 bedroom apartment's worth of stuff into one 1 bedroom apartment, so our apartment is always hopelessly cluttered and disorganized and we're always too busy to deal with it due to busy work schedules. We both work on Fridays, and I often don't get home until 3 so it's hard to prepare a decent meal and set up for guests. We do have friends with sufficiently low expectations who might forgive us for the clutter and a simple meal, and DH would love to invite them, but I'm also kind of a perfectionist and I don't want to invite people if the apartment doesn't look perfect or if the meal isn't going to be good.

I hate asking for invites to meals. We are friendly with a lot of families who say that they're happy to have us, but I can't shake the feeling that they're thinking that we're getting to be too old to be asking for invites and that they secretly resent it. We also have other newlywed friends w/out kids yet but I would never ask them because going to other newlyweds who are really put together always makes me feel really bad about myself and I also always think they are judging us.

We could do something simple for the two of us (we don't have kids yet), except we've done that for the past several weeks and DH is getting bored.

And I hate going through the what to do about meals process every single week.

oliveoil

Wed, Jan 08 2014, 12:37 am

Stay home, enjoy each others company and use shabbos as your time to organize and declutter. I know lots of people who do that.

gila-rina

Wed, Jan 08 2014, 12:44 am

Hi OP. Unfortunately, I don't see an alternative besides organizing yourself. Maybe a one-time splurge on a professional organizer might worth it. Good luck!

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Jan 08 2014, 12:59 am

I second that.

And give some thought to your Smart Pot, meaning crock pot or slow cooker. You can start it that morning, or Thursday night. It likes bags of dried beans, a few potatoes in large unpeeled chunks, half a bag of carrots, a few sticks of celery, and a jar of Barilla sauce, and water.

A lot of local breads, possibly in the freezer, and a case of wine, a white tablecloth, and you're good to go.

http://kosherwineusa.com/c-1-w.....Price ASC]&ItemsPerPage=[20]&View=[GridView]

http://www.overstock.com/searc.....vance

If candle lighting is say 4:17, mentally decide that for you, it is 4:10. Always round up to a round number, and not the very nearest one. Not, say, 4:15. If you aim for 4:10, you will be calm and peaceful and that is always more fun.

shalhevet

Wed, Jan 08 2014, 1:45 am

oliveoil wrote:

Stay home, enjoy each others company and use shabbos as your time to organize and declutter. I know lots of people who do that.

Shabbos is the time to organize and declutter??? It could very well involve Torah prohibitions, such as borer (selecting/ separating). And even if not, it is not in the spirit of Shabbos to leave/do your weekday work.

amother

Wed, Jan 08 2014, 2:05 am

There was a post a few days ago and the op wanted to say no to the newlyweds who kept inviting themselves after 10am on Friday.could that be u guys?

It is very hard to be independent. But that's something that iy"H with time you will get use to. Don't be to hard on urself. Perfection is impossible just try your best and try to make your husband happy

amother

Wed, Jan 08 2014, 3:10 am

When you cook a shabbat dish for guests, make double where possible and freeze half. That way most of your next guest meal will already be done.

rkade10

Wed, Jan 08 2014, 3:10 am

Do you start cooking on Thursday night? I'm nearing the end of our shana rishona too, and I've found that works out absolutely best in terms of time management on Friday, especially if you're working. With food out of the way, you can spend time tidying up the public areas on erev Shabbos.

You shouldn't feel pressured to host all the time, especially so because you're newlyweds and spending the time together is wonderful! But if you get bored and want a change of pace (and this is just my opinion, to each her own), I don't think there's anything wrong with inviting over those good friends who wouldn't mind if the apartment is a little messy or the food not so fancy. If the reason you're hosting is to change up who you spend time with over Shabbos, who cares about clutter, so long as everyone is comfortable?

DrMom

Wed, Jan 08 2014, 4:19 am

- Make simple dishes that don't require tons of pots (less clean-up). Crock pots are your friends.

- Why do you have to invite guests every Shabbat?

- If you've been doing this for over a year, you probably have a few "go-to" recipes by now. Make a recipe file to make it easier to plan.

- Make double portions and freeze. That way you can have a few major meal components pre-made for future shabbatot.

- Splurge on pre-made food every once in a while.

smss

Wed, Jan 08 2014, 4:22 am

I don't get it. you hate hosting and you hate inviting yourself out...so why would you try to do either? just stay home alone! for you and your dh cooking really shouldn't be so complicated once you get into your routine.

esther09

Wed, Jan 08 2014, 6:44 am

OP, I know exactly how you feel. Here's some thoughts:

I hate hosting (but I do it because DH likes it) and I am kind of a perfectionist about it even though I'm running into my house very late on fridays from work. My DH helps A LOT with cooking -- and in your case too, I think you need to enlist his help. ESPECIALLY because you list the reason you want to host vs. doing something simple is because he gets bored. He wants guests, he cooks. OR, enlist him to unclutter.

Can you shove things into your bedroom and shut the door, in terms of clutter? not a permanent solution but may solve the problem of today.

In terms of cooking, I start on Sunday. I do what shopping I can on Sunday and try to cook/freeze on Sunday and Monday, especially if I'm having guests for both meals. I also try to focus less on the planning/prepping which I HATE and try to enjoy the social aspect of having people over.

Stop inviting yourself places except in very rare instances and/or family or close family friends. You ARE too old.

Plan a lot of cold dishes/salads you can make on shabbos - vegetable salads, deli salads, pasta salads, etc. that only involve advanced shopping and that you can make on shabbos.

hope that helps!

tovasara

Wed, Jan 08 2014, 11:13 am

Another idea, is that if you have friends who want to get together but you feel more comfortable going to them, make half the meal and bring it. This way you don't feel you are always asking to be hosted by others.

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