megilla with small kids

shmuf

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 4:47 am

how do you do megilla with young kids who are sure to make a noise?I could go to a later minyan and dh go to an earlier one, but then the kids miss out on the experience! I was wondering about the option of doing a reading for women with small kids in my house for a small group...has anyone ever done this?!

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 5:01 am

shmuf wrote:

how small are the children? this topic crops up every year around this time. you are going to get a lot of different answers/opinions.

My opinion is that no child that can not sit still in shul for the entire megila does not belong there. I have an almost 6 year old. I am still deciding if I will take her. She sits in shul for 5 minutes and then gets bored.
I think its unfair to bring children that can not sit still or stay quiet. Its not fair to all of the other people there that have come to hear a quiet reading if the megilla.

My husband and I have always just gone to different readings. And if one's community does not have a second reading, start one. I did that one year. It is always feasible.

And a children's reading is such a wonderful idea. But realize that it will not be quiet so you will probably have to hear it another time as well.

Marion

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 6:22 am

For several years we had a "women for women" reading in my house so my kids could hear too. When they got restless DH took them out to the park; he'd already heard in shul. This year I'm trying to talk my shul into doing a kids' reading (one or two prakim with lots of Hamans) in between the men's reading and the women's. The idea being that the men hear at the end of ma'ariv, the women show up with the kids who get to "hear megillah" and make lots of noise, then the men take the kids home for bed and the women get to hear a proper reading. It's very not-Israeli and it's not likely to happen...

Ruchel

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 7:56 am

Starting a reading means you find someone willing and able to do this reading. You may have to pay him. Shluchim are busy with sick people, it's a crazy period for them.

I personally go if I'm well (if not, dh reads to me).

ONCE a stuck up, prissy type kept moaning and made a fuss about my child and asked me to go in the corridor. I said np and stood to go, BH the rabbi stopped and said "kids are welcome, they're our future". Some get it, others will just wonder why people don't bother having large families. There, said it...

Of course it depends where you go. The same way you don't bring a toddler to cinema or very high end restaurant if he won't behave, you don't bring a kid to just any reading either. And if there's a second reading accessible, it's also different.

MaBelleVie

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 8:52 am

While it's nice for kids to experience the megillah, they don't have the mitzvah- but you do. That means that if you think they may not be quiet, even at home, you shouldn't bother. If they're young you can tell them the story and encourage them to shake the gragger every time you say haman. I'm sure they'll enjoy it more than a long reading in hebrew that makes no sense to them.

Lady Godiva

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 8:58 am

shmuf wrote:

If the child is young enough that he/she will disturb the reader and the listeners, I would not be concerned about that child missing out on the experience of hearing the Megillah read.

If you plan on attempting to have a reading with women and young children in your house, be sure that the women all heard the Megillah reading before they come, as it may be too noisy for anybody to fully hear the reading.

I think that when you have very young children you should do what most women do at that stage and go to a later or earlier reading than your husband so one of you can stay home and watch the children.

lkwdmommy

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 11:24 am

And this is why DD, a nursery teacher, does not discuss Megillah too much when teaching about Purim. They make a gragger and stamp and yell Haman but not in context of reading Megillah in shul. Less pressure for the parents. The kids will learn about megillah in shul when they get older-not to worry.

ascsam

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 11:35 am

Ruchel wrote:

ONCE a stuck up, prissy type kept moaning and made a fuss about my child and asked me to go in the corridor. I said np and stood to go, BH the rabbi stopped and said "kids are welcome, they're our future". Some get it, others will just wonder why people don't bother having large families. There, said it...

She has a hiyuv to hear the megilla, your child does not and may get in the way of her hearing every word. Then she has to go out of her way to hear it again. So it's all well and cute that your child was there to stamp and play, but seriously - it's not about "getting it", it's about respecting other people trying to do mitzvot.

The megilla reading isn't there for your kids to have a party. It's so that people can fulfill their mitzvah. If your kid is interfering, you have no reason (right?) to take them there.

RachelEve14

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 1:33 pm

The year my son was 4 was the first (and so far only) time I was able to go to the normal night reading. I sat at the edge and was fully prepared to walk out (even in the 9th perek) if he made a noise. B"H he was great. At night dh goes to a quiet minyan (kids stay home), and after I go to someone's house to hear. In the morning, either I go to the early minyan and dh goes to the regular one (then I can take them to the regular one and be prepared to leave if a problem), or again I go to someone's house and the girls can go with me if they want. It's not so much an issue now because my big 3 can for sure go to megilla, my 6 year old I"m not sure (but he will also be happy popping in for just a bit if I or dh already heard), and my 18 month old obviously isn't going at all.

bookworm10

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 1:42 pm

Personally, I don't think that kids belong in shul. Especially during Megillah, when there is a chiyuv to hear every single word.

As a teacher myself, I understand that little kids want to go to shul. However, it cannot be at the expense of others. I will not be bringing my children this year. It takes a certain maturity.

My husband and I each go to separate minyanim. My shul also has an extra minyan, in which kids are invited and parents are aware that it will take longer, etc. I think this is the best idea for people who want to bring their children.

cbg

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 1:50 pm

Can you find a Megillah reading for kids that they can go to?
These are usually very noisy, lots of fun, and they give out prizes, etc.
If there is one,
Try to work a schedule where you go to a quite one without your kids, and then take them to the kids Megillah reading after. Purim is all about the kids.

mommyhood

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 2:44 pm

DH goes to an early minyan. I go to megillah in someone's house when he comes back but it's a fast laining not meant for kids. I take my oldest to a shul close by for a perek so she can shake her gragger and feel like she heard the megillah but she doesn't have to sit through the whole thing. It's a little annoying for me to have to go out twice but there's no way my kids would sit through the whole megillah without disturbing.

shalhevet

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 3:00 pm

There is no chiyuv for a child to hear the megilla until they reach the age of chinuch. The age for chinuch for any given mitzva is when this particular child is capable of doing the mitzva (e.g the age of chinuch for kiddush is when the child understands that Hashem created the world and rested on Shabbos; the age of chinuch for sleeping in a sukka is when a child is old enough to sleep away from his mother and not call for her, etc.).

My personal experience has been that when a child knows how to read, that is usually when they can sit quietly since they are following along.

ButterflyGarden

Wed, Feb 12 2014, 6:26 pm

Someone in my neighborhood does a reading for children. There is no bracha and it only lasts 10 minutes. They do it before the zman so it does not interfere with parents trying to get to megilla. They skip most of it making sure to hit the big pasukim and lots of hamans. It's great.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Feb 13 2014, 1:47 am

Ruchel wrote:

Ruchel, about our children being our future, that may be the case but the children have no obligation to hear EVERY SINGLE word of the megilah. We as adults do and so when children are making noise during megilah leining, it is just unfair for those who have come to hear the megilah in its entirety. Its unfair. Why dont you organize a children's leining and/or another reading of the megilah later for the parents that stay home the first time around. Every community that I have lived in has had a second (and sometimes even a third) reading.

cinnamon

Thu, Feb 13 2014, 2:47 am

lkwdmommy wrote:

Can your dd give seminars to other teachers please?
Last year my kids (then ages 2.5 and 3.5!) got so exited about megila reading cause their teacher knocked it into their head I didn't know what to do.
When I tried explaining that it is not for children my three y.o said "But the teacher said it is a big big mitzva to be quite in megila and I will be so so so quite!"
I ended up going with them to an early reading sitting in the back next to the door and concentrating only on keeping them quite. We stayed for a little over five minutes. They got to say Amen for the brachot and hear the first Haman then we left quietly.
I hope I didn't disturb anyone...

summer0808

Thu, Feb 13 2014, 8:25 pm

I honestly don't get it. Do your kids do everything single mitzvah you do? do they put on tefilin? NO because they are too young. Also keep in mind that I made arrangements to go without the babies. At night we start the meal very late so that both of us go separately. My kids are anxious to get going in the morning but none of the neighbors are ready either because their mothers are attending second reading!

keep in mind that 'shushing' and opening snack bags are very loud to the people listening intently to every word!

I was taught and in BP it's very accepted children come when they can sit through.

amother

Thu, Feb 13 2014, 8:38 pm

For some people this is really tough. Was once at a women's reading and had the unfortunate experience of sitting near a woman with a toddler. She gave the toddler her keys and he made so much noise with them, I had trouble hearing.

I didn't say anything because as it was, she looked as if she was gonna cry. Perhaps her dh had to work and she had no one to watch her kid. I won't judge her.

But I do often wonder, what r ppl in tough situations expected to do? It can be stressful.