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Forum -> Household Management
Is a rigid schedule necessary for a smooth running home?



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amother


 

Post Thu, Feb 13 2014, 8:55 am
Hi,

I come from a disorderly home where there were no hardset rules or schedules. I'm having a very hard time keeping a smooth rhythm in my home. My oldest is 9 and my youngest 18 months. I have 4 kids.

What is the secret to a tidy, smooth flowing, calm home? Do I need an exact plan and follow it strictly? Can I be bend it a bit or will I lose the ropes??

I feel like my home is chaotic, cluttered, too many to-do-lists. I feel like I'm chasing my tail forever. I "make" it in the end I "make" it for shabbos and yom tov, but barely breathing! Im always missing or forgot to mend, bake a thing or two. I go out to 2 times a week, one full day and one half day. I always feel like im struggling to hold the reins.

My kids are not very obedient either. Im a one man band. Dh works late all week and I have little, if no help from the kids. My two older ones want to "unwind" and I end up being the full time worker all the time.

I will appreciate a quick crash course or some solid advice of seasoned balabustas. Im drowning!!!! HELP ME HAVE A HAPPY, HEALTHY HOME!
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 13 2014, 9:03 am
you do need a set schedule, but rigid is not good. you need to be able to be calm if anything different comes up. you need to be able to allow for a change in schedule by 10 minutes in either direction. certain things should be more rigid than others (bedtime should be pretty rigid).

put your foot down about helping in the house. your kids should be responsible for their room, putting their clothing in the hamper, and putting their clean laundry away. they also need to help clean up the living area. I won't give any other suggestions, I don't know how many hours the kids have to themselves every day.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 13 2014, 9:08 am
You need a schedule and you need to make sure to stick to it. No excuses. For example- chose 2-3 days a week to wash and fold laundry. Do not go to bed unless its done. Do it at a time its convenient for you.
Clutter is dangerous. Don't be afraid to get rid of stuff you don't need. Organize a drawer or shelf like twice a week- just one small goal a day. You will feel so much better after its done.
Make sure everything in the house has a place. Bins and coloring book/ paper holders are a great investment. Half of my house is in bins( toys, crayons, kids have a prize bin each...). It makes it much neater.
Stick to an afternoon routine- when homework is done, when supper is served, when baths are given, same bedtime every single night...
Make sure the kids clean up after themselves. Kids as little as 2 can put shoes where they belong and clothes in their hamper.
Give the older kids jobs. Like setting the table, peeling potatoes for dinner, unloading the dishwasher...... You are not their maid. They should chip in too.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 13 2014, 9:09 am
no ... a balance is way better than rigidity or being too lax
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Sherri




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 13 2014, 10:01 am
Afternoon/bed routine is a must.

It is also a good idea as mentioned to assign certain tasks to certain days, get into a weekly routine.
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gp2.0




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 13 2014, 12:05 pm
No advice, just commiseration. I feel like with very young kids (4 yo and 1 yo) it's very hard to keep a schedule. I can't even keep a set bedtime - because their afternoon naps are constantly fluctuating. And I don't believe in putting them to bed at the same time every night even if they won't be asleep for hours. I don't see the point - then I'm just busy with bedtime for 3 hours instead of 1.

Does my home run smoothly? I don't know. Probably not, according to some definitions. But my kids are happy, and that's my primary objective.
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masalapeanuts




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 13 2014, 12:31 pm
A few weeks ago I sat down and typed up a to-do list of everything I need to do every day (morning, evening, and anytime), twice a week, once a week, and monthly. It has really helped me. I put it in one of those plastic sleeves that you put into binders, put it on my fridge, and check things off with a dry erase marker. Checking things off feels great. I can't tell you how much it has helped me.

I also typed up a "master" grocery list, which includes the things we normally buy. I have sections for produce, oils and vinegars, refrigerated stuff, grains/seeds/beans/bulk stuff, personal items, and a few more, I think. We do not buy everything on the list each time we go shopping, but if we buy it regularly it's there. I also stuck that in a sleeve and underline the things we need with a dry erase marker. Now I don't come home having forgotten things at the store, and I also don't rack my mind trying to make a grocery list each time. I even taught my husband to use it. Yesterday morning he said, "Frumgirl, we need peanut butter and oatmeal," and I told him to please underline those things on the list because I was busy with the baby. And he DID. It took a few times before he did it himself, but he did. Great success!

Wow, I sound way too excited about this. I was miserable before I made these lists. Making grocery lists didn't take forever, but it was time that I could spend doing other things, like washing diapers or taking a bubble bath shock just kidding...no time for baths anymore. My husband would make mean comments about the table being covered in papers and random stuff, how we live in a "ghetto house," etc., that I realize were meant to try to jolt me into action. Not that I approve of those comments. I am still upset about them (and I told him if he wanted the house vacuumed he needed to vacuum it). I'm thinking about making a shabbos list as well.

My house has turned around completely. I am really happy that I finally found a system that has helped me. I am also much happier. I wanted to PM you to see if you wanted me to send you the excel files so you could customize them for yourself, but I cannot PM you. I am happy to share them with anyone interested.
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Capitalchick




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 13 2014, 12:31 pm
What one person considers a rigid schedule, another considers flexible! You need to do what works for you. A couple tips, though, would be to:

1) Use an 'uh-oh' box. When you find your kids' belongings on the floor, they get put into your 'uh oh' box, where they remain prisoner until the kids have done something to help free them. That 'something' could be whatever you pick. For my kids, I generally 'release' the item when I see them being wonderful siblings, helpful children, or other really positive behaviours (and, BH, those are frequent in our household!).

2) Maybe give up on the idea of a perfectly tidy (or even really tidy) household and embrace the madness. It doesn't mean your house needs to be unclean or very disorderly, but I'm just tired of being stressed by mess, so I'm giving into it for the next few years until my kids are old enough to help me conquer it. I may be setting myself up for failure, but I don't care. I just don't want to be stressed anymore!!
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 13 2014, 5:47 pm
Some sort of rudimentary routine is necessary, but a rigid schedule is counterproductive. Stuff happens, good and bad; you need to have enough flexibility to be able to take advantage of the good stuff and cope with the bad stuff. Do you really want to be unable to take your dc out to play in the snow because today is your day for laundry and ironing?
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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 19 2014, 6:38 pm
frumgirl wrote:
A few weeks ago I sat down and typed up a to-do list of everything I need to do every day (morning, evening, and anytime), twice a week, once a week, and monthly. It has really helped me. I put it in one of those plastic sleeves that you put into binders, put it on my fridge, and check things off with a dry erase marker. Checking things off feels great. I can't tell you how much it has helped me.

I also typed up a "master" grocery list, which includes the things we normally buy. I have sections for produce, oils and vinegars, refrigerated stuff, grains/seeds/beans/bulk stuff, personal items, and a few more, I think. We do not buy everything on the list each time we go shopping, but if we buy it regularly it's there. I also stuck that in a sleeve and underline the things we need with a dry erase marker. Now I don't come home having forgotten things at the store, and I also don't rack my mind trying to make a grocery list each time. I even taught my husband to use it. Yesterday morning he said, "Frumgirl, we need peanut butter and oatmeal," and I told him to please underline those things on the list because I was busy with the baby. And he DID. It took a few times before he did it himself, but he did. Great success!

Wow, I sound way too excited about this. I was miserable before I made these lists. Making grocery lists didn't take forever, but it was time that I could spend doing other things, like washing diapers or taking a bubble bath shock just kidding...no time for baths anymore. My husband would make mean comments about the table being covered in papers and random stuff, how we live in a "ghetto house," etc., that I realize were meant to try to jolt me into action. Not that I approve of those comments. I am still upset about them (and I told him if he wanted the house vacuumed he needed to vacuum it). I'm thinking about making a shabbos list as well.

My house has turned around completely. I am really happy that I finally found a system that has helped me. I am also much happier. I wanted to PM you to see if you wanted me to send you the excel files so you could customize them for yourself, but I cannot PM you. I am happy to share them with anyone interested.


I'm not op, but would love to see these files. Would you email them?
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lshap




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 20 2014, 5:49 am
not op, but id love the files too
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hello123




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 20 2014, 6:33 am
Your children can and should help out. Its part of being part of a family. They can put their laundry in the hamper, put away their toys, throw out their plates/ put in sink or dishwasher. Older kids can sweep. It is important to give kids jobs and when you do it from a young age they just know thats whats expected of them. Also I agree with the post about organization. If u can declutter (if u have clutter) u will feel better too. Dont keep anything you dont really NEED to function.
Good luck!
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MMCH




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 20 2014, 6:40 am
I feel like RIGID and SMOOTH dont live together.
do you need a schedule? 100%. do you need a routine? 1000%
do you need to be rigid about it? No, I don think so.
since my kids are little (3 and 1) bedtime is the only thing im really rigid about. bc otherwise chaos explodes.
my baby must be in bed by 7 pm, so bath time MUST be at 630... and the 3 year old latest 730.

after I had my second thats when I really started to feel the pressure of trying to keep up with house.

I dont have any help from dh, as he works crazy hours, but I find that Menu planning on Sunday for weekday suppers has really helped.

as far as the mess.. idk maybe one day well get there..(the worst part about the mess? is that my dh doesn't even think its messy!)
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bubbebia




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 20 2014, 8:08 am
A basic schedule of events is a must, rigidity is not. Stuff happens and if you are not flexible enough than it will completely derail everything.

One of my biggest pet peeves is the concept that our children are somehow exempt from the activities that make a family home run smoothly. We treat them as if they are incapable of performing such activities, not responsible enough to do them or just shouldn't have to do them. And that is why there is so much chaos in our homes. We are all part of the family and we all have tasks to do to make our family work properly. And there is no child too small, except an infant, who cannot do something to help the family. There is a chart out there somewhere which describes the tasks children should be capable of doing at given ages. If I can find it I'll post it.

Yes, we all need to rest for a bit when we get home from school/work but after about 15-20 minutes it becomes time to do stuff. A 9yo can do a load of laundry, do dishes, set and clear the table, etc. and so forth down the line. Everyone, including a toddler, is capable of putting dirty clothes in the hamper when they take them off. Everyone is capable of picking up the toys off the floor. Everyone can help bring something to the table or throw things in the garbage can. And a 2 year old, given a toilet brush, can have the time of his life cleaning the toilets (I know because mine thought there was nothing more fun than playing in the toilet and this was a sanctioned way to do it ).

OP, you can do it! But you need to enlist everyone's help, even DH's.
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