What's appropriate?

Chippies

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 10:03 am

We're having a mom and her 5 kids come to us for a shabbos meal this week. Her husband will be away. We don't have so much space, so we don't want to invite another big family, but we're thinking that it might be better to have at least one or two other guests. Would it be totally inappropriate to have a single man come without anyone else? We're all BT yeshivish-ish (on the modern side of yeshivish). I just want my husband to have someone to talk to and we often have this single guy (otherwise, he'll likely just be by himself). I really don't know what would be considered appropriate.

busydev

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 10:06 am

that is fine imo so long as you dont sit them next to each other (doubt you would)

vicki

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 10:08 am

I'm usually really liberal about these things but I think it would be, well, awkward.
Either both "single" people will be polite and friendly to each other and it will be weird because each is without a spouse or they will be very properly distant from each other and that would come off cold.

Doesn't lead to casual comfortable conversation including everyone.

Chippies

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 10:17 am

Would it be awkward having only this mom and her kids? We're not so close to her. One of our kids is very good friends with one of her kids, so that's really our connection. Would having a single girl who is a very good friend of mine and not frum be any improvement over having only this family? She comes over a lot and is very sociable and respectful of shabbos while here.

vicki

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 10:20 am

A single girl instead of the single guy? perfect.
The fact that your dh is now the sole man I think is, while boring for him, not awkward.

Chippies

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 11:02 am

Well, we could invite a couple, but we're not really friends with any couples who don't have kids. We have a few friends who have just one or two little kids, so they are possibilities. But again, we're tight on space so we'd prefer having just one or two additional guests without children.

luvinlife

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 1:57 pm

I think a single guy meaning never married would be fine. He would sit and talk with your Dh while you entertain the wife.

curlgirl

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 2:05 pm

Can someone explain why this is awkward?

Will the married woman forget she is married because her husband isn't there?

Will the single man get the wrong idea?

Married women can't sit in mixed company without their husbands?

Confused.

(Signed, A married woman who has eaten out at families when her DH was away. Should I have stayed home? What if the host's single brother was there?)

DrMom

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 2:35 pm

curlgirl wrote:

My guess was that the mother would think she is being set up (I assumed she was divorced).

Barbara

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 2:40 pm

curlgirl wrote:

The potential awkwardness is that the single man might assume that he is being fixed up with the woman.

busydev

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 2:42 pm

well that potential awkwardness is easy to deal with. just tell the guy we are having mrs x and her kids today becuase her dh is out of town. tell him as he walks in the door by way of introduction.
otherwise what in the world is the issue???

curlgirl

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 2:45 pm

Barbara wrote:

The potential awkwardness is that the single man might assume that he is being fixed up with the woman.

How hard is it to mention that she has a husband?

amother

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 9:10 pm

I am separated. I was invited to a friends house for lunch (with my children). This friend called me up and asked if it was okay if a single man who has been by them a number of times can come without making me feel awkward. I said "as long as you are not trying to set me up with him, I'm fine."

They weren't, we were both there, it was fine.

Chippies

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 9:46 pm

I can easily tell the guy that my friend's husband is away...but that really wasn't my concern. In our community, many men and women don't shmooze unless they're related. They are still polite with each other, but there just isn't shmoozing. The guy would be there for my husband (and because, as I said, we often have this guy anyway), so I feel like it might be ok, but I think ideally we should get either two guys, a girl, or a married couple without big kids.

busydev

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 9:51 pm

im yeshivish. the guests dont have to really socialize that much. I would prob have dh at the head and you at the foot. the guy to one side of dh and the woman to one side of you and kids filling the rest of the table. but even so its fine to have him and her cause she could hypothetically have him over to her house (with her dh home) so its not different. and even if you sit next to dh and her next to you I still dont see the issue. if she was single then fine, but shes not.

greenfire

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 9:54 pm

don't make a big deal about something that is not a big deal ... invite whomever you want and try to behave like people - not lepers ... you did say she was married & your husband could use a chat buddy ...

ange

Tue, Feb 18 2014, 9:59 pm

I get why it shouldn't be awkward, but

it's awkward.

Invite another married couple if your husband wants another guy there. One more person (the spouse) won't make a big difference space wise.