getting engaged on purim

amother

Tue, Feb 25 2014, 4:52 pm

relative of mine wants to pop the question Purim morning when delivering mishloach manos to her.

I think its a bad idea.

He isnt planning on drinking till the seuda (when he wont be with her) so while thats not a concern...

I think Purim is a busy day and people will be too busy to properly celebrate with her... yeah the celebrations can happen after, but common that initial excitement to be overshadowed by Purim when everyone is running around delivering MM, listening to megilla and having a seuda???

but maybe im off base here...

what say you???

allthingsblue

Tue, Feb 25 2014, 4:55 pm

I totally agree with you, op.
While it's a cute idea, you are 100% right about it being a busy day and people not being able to celebrate with her.
Maybe he can do it before Purim, and deliver an early mishloach manos? Saturday night or after the fast on Thursday night.

zaq

Tue, Feb 25 2014, 6:50 pm

It's an adorable idea on the one hand--and a terrible one on the other. There's no halachic inyan of simcha besimcha and yet...and yet. One does detract from the other in some way, if only because the happy couple can't get the kind of attention that they would on a regular day. I would be annoyed if my dc got engaged on Purim because I'm busy with my obligations and can't enjoy their simcha to the fullest. By the time one is able to give the occasion its due fuss, it's yesterday's news.

However, if the couple is willing to keep their engagement private for a day and announce it the following day, that's a horse of a different color. I quite like the idea of privately savoring one's happy secret for a bit before going public.

greenfire

Tue, Feb 25 2014, 6:52 pm

if he wants to give her an engagement ring from the bottom of a moscato d'asti bottle ... or inside a hamantash ... he might be onto something

Barbara

Tue, Feb 25 2014, 7:44 pm

zaq wrote:

NO! NO! Not in hamantash! Not unless one of their Daddies is a cosmetic dentist.

That's actually how my brother proposed to my SIL. But it wasn't baked in, just sort of shoved on top where she could see the ring.

amother

Tue, Feb 25 2014, 7:46 pm

You may need to ask a shayla about him giving her shalach manos - it could halachically be considered a "kinyan" and that they are married at that point. Ask how it should be done. It sounds strange but there is something to this.

abaker

Tue, Feb 25 2014, 8:21 pm

I voted other..its not an amazing innovative idea, but not a bad idea either. what I didnt think of til now is...you say he wont be with her later...so if its like "heres your mm...will you marry me? oh yay she said yes mazel tov lets start our life together...oh wait im going to a seuda now, see you later!" sort of a drive by proposal...doesnt sound good. maybe he can invite her to the seuda too (and drink responsibly def not excessively!) so they can at least spend the day together! then make an official lchaim and vort another day

amother

Tue, Feb 25 2014, 10:01 pm

thanks for your input. I told him taanis esther, purim night or keeping it unofficial another day are prob better options.
he would prob stay about an hour or so (the she and her family will prob be pretty busy too so how long cn they spend already). def not invite her to the seuda as he would be going to a yeshiva seuda... nuff said.

Ruchel

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 10:35 am

Would a MM be a kinyan in our day and age... I will assume most rabbanim would say NO. A MM never symbolized union, isn't soooo expensive, isn't romantic...

causemommysaid

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 10:45 am

its not a kinyan unless he gives it with the intention and she receives it with the intention of it being so.

Plus you need two kosher eidim to witness it. very unlikely.

there have been real problems with teenagers messing around as a joke and getting unintentionally married but this is not the case here.

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 12:08 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

It's not a real problem unless it is. And it was a problem with a relative of mine.

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 12:21 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

Happened to me where I was given a ring. My friend had to ask a Rav if we were really considered married.

Sanguine

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 12:21 pm

amother wrote:

relative of mine wants to pop the question Purim morning when delivering mishloach manos to her.

I think its a bad idea.

what say you???

Did he ask you for advice?

If he did - tell him he's not ready to get married yet if he's telling other people and asking for advice. He should know his kallah to be and decide if she would love the idea or hate it. He's asking someone to spend her life with him. Not planning a cute show for all his friends and relatives. - Some girls would love it and some would hate it. If he doesn't know what type of girl she is, just tell him to slow down. Once they're married he won't be able to run to you to help him figure her out.

If he didn't - Mind your own business, unless you're just using this thread to get material for the cute skit you're going to put on at the Seuda after he asks her

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 12:27 pm

amother wrote:

I think Purim is a busy day and people will be too busy to properly celebrate with her... yeah the celebrations can happen after, but common that initial excitement to be overshadowed by Purim when everyone is running around delivering MM, listening to megilla and having a seuda???

I agree wholeheartedly!

causemommysaid

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 12:30 pm

amother wrote:

Happened to me where I was given a ring. My friend had to ask a Rav if we were really considered married.

so what was the answer?