getting engaged on purim

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 12:50 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

so what was the answer?

It was a love knot ring. Since he didn't actually ask me to marry him the Rav said we were fine. It might have scared me into breaking up with him.

Hashem_Yaazor

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 1:14 pm

A couple of years ago my husband said he knows of a kallah who made sure when she accepted the ring it was not a kinyan. I thought that was weird. And then he said it was me. I'm so embarrassed, lol!

I don't have advice about getting engaged on Purim (I know people who have done it) but I think there is davka an inyan of a male not giving a female MM.

causemommysaid

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 3:13 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

A couple of years ago my husband said he knows of a kallah who made sure when she accepted the ring it was not a kinyan. I thought that was weird. And then he said it was me. I'm so embarrassed, lol!

LOL talk about killing a romantic moment.....

Frumdoc

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 3:24 pm

If they are not going to be able to spend the rest of the day together, but split up to have the seuda with their respective families and are busy for hours, I would hold off. Surely the moment of getting engaged can be celebrated together, not rushed through to get to the next event.

chocolate chips

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 4:16 pm

I have a friend who got engaged purim night...they did not see each other the entire next day (two dif parts of town) and IIRC he got completely drunk but she had no idea.
I think it can be a sweet idea but purim morning might be a little "hit and run" as greenfire said.

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 6:36 pm

Sanguine wrote:

Did he ask you for advice?

If he did - tell him he's not ready to get married yet if he's telling other people and asking for advice. He should know his kallah to be and decide if she would love the idea or hate it. He's asking someone to spend her life with him. Not planning a cute show for all his friends and relatives. - Some girls would love it and some would hate it. If he doesn't know what type of girl she is, just tell him to slow down. Once they're married he won't be able to run to you to help him figure her out.

If he didn't - Mind your own business, unless you're just using this thread to get material for the cute skit you're going to put on at the Seuda after he asks her

well he didnt ask me for advice as much as he said I have a great idea to get engaged what do you think.

and I was like theoretically its a nice idea (like the whole bracelet in the MM which he wants to do-I will mention the whole kinyan thing to run by his rav stam).... but practically I dont think it will work.

but he was too excited withhis great idea to really listen to what I was saying- plus I hadnt formulated it well yet so I decided ill ask here, see if many others feel they will lose out on the initial excitement and if they did then tell him the concerns and give him the other ideas to think of.
based on some stuff he has told me about her, I think she wants the excitement (was talking about getting married at a certain time so that she could "be the new kalla" at this time for the attention it would bring)

and purim day would rob her of it. and him too for that matter. I told him this and told him to think it over and being that purim is not tomorrow he hopefully has some time to think through the points I made to him so he can decide if its really what he should do.

another family member told him that you wont be able to spend much time with her so whats the point. I will also tell him that (I like the "hit and run proposal" line- may use it to him) but again im obviously not FORCING him to, just trying to give him another (more practical imo) point of view that he can consider before going ahead with this.

hes not mr practical- more mr get carried away with great idea and forget about the practical sides of it type of person. im more practical minded in general so thats what this thread and poll was about. to see if I was just a stick in the mud or if my reasoning was on base.

thanks all for your input. any further ideas or advice always appreciated Smile

Raisin

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 6:38 pm

every purim he will get drunk and she will be, hey, this is our engagement anniversary, you can't get drunk!!!

Raisin

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 6:39 pm

there are many other cute ways to propose...

mummiedearest

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 6:43 pm

and what would happen if she said no or she needs time to think? way to kill purim for both of them.

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 6:47 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

and what would happen if she said no or she needs time to think? way to kill purim for both of them.

they have a shadchan...

and both are ready now but not getting engaged yet due to a specific reason (dont want to put to many details tho)

and raisin- I totally agree

mummiedearest

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 7:14 pm

amother wrote:

they have a shadchan...

and both are ready now but not getting engaged yet due to a specific reason (dont want to put to many details tho)

and raisin- I totally agree

not everyone tells the shadchan when there are doubts. I wasn't even in touch with my shadchan when we got engaged. not every shadchan agrees to mediate when the couple is this far along. I would not assume it's an automatic yes unless they have discussed it, in which case they are already engaged, they're just not announcing it.

imasoftov

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 7:14 pm

I took the matter up
With a few million friends of mine
The supreme court of rock and roll
Is doing just fine
Demanding a speech
They poured me a drink
I play guitar all night and day
Just don't ask me to think

mummiedearest

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 7:15 pm

imasoftov wrote:

drop the shadchan!
drop the shadchan!
drop the shadchan!

Music

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 7:24 pm

My husband proposed to me a couple weeks before purim and we told our parents but no1 else and announced it publicly a day or 2 before purim and had our lchaim the first night of purim. Worked out beautifully for us, my relatives n friends popped in after megilla for a l'chaim and went on their way. Really added to our simcha that e1 was in a jolly purim mood as well as happy for us.

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 8:20 pm

this is true mummiedearest but in this case the shadchan is still all the way involved and they have already talked about their wedding and things so I guess you could call them unofficially engaged. they would have been engaged already except for the certain reason that came up that is making them wait a few more weeks.
I didnt ask him abt asking here tho.

mummiedearest

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 8:23 pm

amother wrote:

I'd tell him that the shadchan needs to be dropped before he proposes. but that's a side point. I think he should propose on a day that they can celebrate together following the proposal. purim just isn't that kind of day.

manhattanmom

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 8:25 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

you weren't in touch with the shadchan when you got engaged?? Wink

mummiedearest

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 8:26 pm

manhattanmom wrote:

you weren't in touch with the shadchan when you got engaged?? Wink

hardy har har.

DrMom

Wed, Feb 26 2014, 11:28 pm

I think it's a cute idea.

Yes, everyone is busy on Purim, but you can tell people over the phone and they can be happy for you. Have an official celebration on Shushan Purim.

Every year they can dress up in chattan & kalah costumes...

seeker

Thu, Feb 27 2014, 12:52 am

Sanguine wrote:

I totally disagree that a person is not ready to get married if they need advice. Even people who are married for years can't necessarily read each other's minds or predict their every reaction, especially to something you're doing the first time. And guys don't always understand how girls work even when they know them quite well and understand some things about them. Romance is different from a guy's perspective. It is a GOOD idea to ask a trusted female about something like this to make sure what you're planning is not, say, accidentally offensive. A guy-brain might not realize things like Purim not being a conducive day for what the girl expects from the engagement - e.g. spending lots of time together, and then being able to easily reach all her friends to share the news without them being distracted by a houseful of Purim merrymaking.