Do we have to let lots of people take snips?

amother

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 9:11 am

My son's upsherin is coming up. He's extremely shy and gets skittish in big crowds. We're not making a huge party, but there will still be about 30 people there (mostly family). I'm nervous already about him handling the scene, nervous about him getting his first haircut (will he be ok with a stranger coming towards his head with a pair of scissors). I think he will freak if thirty different people come up to him to snip his hair. Would it be problem to skip that part? If not, how do we explain to the guests?

greenfire

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 9:15 am

you have to do what's right for your son ... even the best of personalities can go cranky when tons of strangers are snipping away at your hair ...

if you feel it's too much for him than stick with 1 special person [rav/grandfather] + his father & you of course ...

there's no right or wrong in an upsherin other than holding onto his peyos !!!

Pineapple

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 9:20 am

greenfire wrote:

I agree

amother

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 9:37 am

Please dont let everyone snip. I Just made an upsheren and I dont understand the concept of evryone snipping . To me its torture for the child. My son was crying and afraid of everyone , he didnt know.
Oh and by the way, the end results were a horrible cut. Peyos not even on both sides. My son had very long hair so we had to cut with a very short blade, and its noticbly very diff. on both sides. At this point I cant even fi it. Will have to wait a couple of months till he grows some hair back.

Please do whats good for you and dont care about others wanting to cut your DS hair.

The reason my DH let everyone else cut, is bec.he has no clue how to do it. I was stupid for not doing it myself, but felt a little akward between all the men around.

chanar

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 9:51 am

I've made 2 upsherins, at both parties the guests all had a turn to cut. However, if I would have felt my boys were not gona handle it well, I wouldn't have let them..
When the guests cut, my husband and I stand with the kid, hand the scissors to whoever is about to cut, and give them the piece of hair they are going to cut!! Never had a situation where it was cut too short... You just have to be ontop of who's cutting, and those scissors don't leave your sight!!!
But you aren't obligated to do anything you aren't comfortable with! No one will mind..

amother

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 10:05 am

You are right Chanar. I just was so upset ,My son crying and wanting me to hold him, and the way my husband handled it, that I walked out of the room.
Should of stayed in the room.

busydev

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 10:12 am

(((hugs))) amother that just made an upsherin.
op you def dont have to let everyone snip. a few ppl I know brought their son to a class for aleph bais etc and the rebbe did a snip, went to a rav or r"y for a bracha and a snip, then gave their child a complete haircut followed by the birthday party.
do what will make you and your child happy.

amother

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 10:16 am

Op here. Glad to know I'm not the only one who wants to keep things more controlled. Do I put on the invitation designated snippers only, or do we just say at the event only the zaidies and the tatty and the actual barber?

Also, should I take him to meet the barber ahead of time so he's not a total stranger at the party?

chanar

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 10:40 am

I don't think u need to mention anything on the invitation. People expect that each family does it how they feel comfortable. At the party, you call the grandfathers to the upsherin chair, and ask them to snip!! And that's that!!!
I personally don't do the big cut at the party Infront of all the guests.. Ka'h with big families there are lots of opinions on how cute he'l look like this, how cute he'l look like that... I'm the mom, il decide!! My first I did in a private room while the guests waited, but that was a mistake cuz some ppl thought they would follow us! The second one I took the next morning to the barber and sent pics as soon as we were done!!!! Perfect!!!!!
To the amother who had the mistakes.. Don't beat yourself up about it, you live and learn!! Next time Iyh you will know better!!! And btw You'l b surprised! Won't take long to grow back!!

greenfire

Fri, Feb 28 2014, 10:48 am

anybody who wants their kids peyos safe - needs to pin them up or put them in a pony ...

also - if he has really long hair - it's a nice memento to make a pony with the rest of the hair & in between 2 pony holders - one a little farther down - you make the first cut - tatty or mommy ...

anybody else who is cutting needs to be guided - especially if you have a lot of snippers - never leave sonny boy's side

the real hair cut should be left for after all the guests leave ~ imho