Refuses Therapy | Imamother

amother

Wed, Mar 05 2014, 5:33 pm

DS is 15. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was twelve. His diagnoses came about only because I pushed pushed for the testing. The school thought I was a paranoid parent whose child was just not so together. At home we saw how he could not keep his belongings together at all! There was always a trail following him. We could not get him to do hw unless we sat ON him. (Not literally but almost!) He also had low tolerance and was always snapping at his siblings. He is always on the go, always needs action and even after a full day will ask what's next. Socially he has fooled all his teachers. They think he is a well liked child bc he is fun and the boys always enjoyed having a good time with him. However, they rarely include him out of school and no one wants to learn with him. He's bright but all over the place so learning/studying don't happen. Over the years we've encouraged/bribed/forced him to go for therapy but he always refused to go back after three or four sessions saying that he doesn't see himself as having issues. I don't know how he can't be aware of his challenges at 15 but every time we bring up something (his disaster of a room, missing and late school assignments...)he says he's just lazy and if he wanted to do these things he would. DH and I have seen specialists to find out what we can do and our home is set up in the best way possible for him. Right now the only thing left is for him to help himself which he won't do.

Until now we've been playing the waiting game, hoping he'd realize he needs help. Yesterday I approached his rebbe asking him why he wasn't put on a certain committee in school. His rebbe responded that they don't think he can handle the responsibility. I asked him why no one ever reached out to me to come up with a plan of action if this is what's happening in school. He responded that my son isn't off the wall and failing but they don't want think he's capable of this particular responsibility.

This is painful on many levels. But if the school noticed something a bit off about my child why didn't they reach out to me? I would have been able to approach DS and tell him his teachers say he needs help. The only thing that has kept me calm all these years was thinking (deluding myself) that if he's ok in school he can manage in public and he has it in him.

Is there a point in forcing therapy? If he's not willing to work on changing himself is there a point to spending thousands of dollars so someone can talk to him? Can I force a 15 year old to go?

amother

Thu, Mar 06 2014, 2:02 am

No, you cannot force a 15 year old to go to therapy. Because here's what happens - if by some chance you succeed in getting him there, odds are he will sit there for the whole time and say nothing. My therapist told me he's had many kids pull this shtick.

And then you are out the money and more frustrated than before.

You might consider consulting yourself with the therapist - I did this a lot when my difficult teen wouldn't go and found it helpful.

It sound like you are loving, concerned parents who have put in a lot of effort. Good for you. We cannot control our teens' every moment and movement. We do the best we can, daven and then everything is in Hashem's hands.