Welcome new ger (convert)?

amother

Sun, Mar 09 2014, 2:43 pm

Hi,
A family in my community has just completed full conversion process.
This family has always been very respectful to everyone they know.
I would like to know what the appropriate greeting, or congratulatory words would be?
I've heard "welcome", and "welcome home".
I just want to say the proper thing. And to be warmly welcoming, without being unintentionally rude or thoughtless!
Anonymous so as not to identify location.

Thanks

freidasima

Sun, Mar 09 2014, 2:47 pm

I would go over, wish them a mazeltov, bring them a big fruit basket or something else to celebrate with, and ask them if they are TOTALLY and UTTERLY nuts to finish their conversion right before Pesach...think, if they would have just waited another six weeks life would have been so much easier for them (just kidding, it's part of an old yiddish joke about a Jew who converts out and then decides to convert back and his wife says "Mordche...fine, we will become yidden again, but please, only AFTER pesach...)

Seriously though, go and welcome them, bring them a token of your celebration and leave it at that.

bubbebia

Sun, Mar 09 2014, 2:49 pm

Sometimes you really don't need to say anything. Be aware of the fact that this family has no other "family" to welcome them for Shabbos and yomim tovim so invite them to participate in these events. One of the things I have seen is that once the process has been completed, gerim are often left to their own devices and they really don't have it all together yet. By your consistent support of them yoou'll help them to be stable in their new life.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Mar 09 2014, 3:06 pm

RIght. It is probable they could use to be looked in on right before and during Pesach with lots of calm and love.

For now, hugs, smiles and food would be good.

Anybody who wants to take challah with the lady in a baking session at her house would be doing a nice thing, I suppose. She might start with plain breads instead of braided, perhaps.

I would say a lot of admiring things about their beautiful new mezuzah.

A case of kosher wine delivered to them might make life easier for them. One is always running out of it otherwise. That will set you back a hundred dollars here:

https://www.kosherwineusa.com/default.aspx

I would hover protectively on Purim. Stay close to them. It's a little much for newbies. Make sure they enjoy it. You may have to both protect and explain.

amother

Sun, Mar 09 2014, 3:16 pm

[quote="Dolly Welsh"]

Anybody who wants to take challah with the lady in a baking session at her house would be doing a nice thing, I suppose. She might start with plain breads instead of braided, perhaps.

Op - just want to say in response to the above recommendation - please do not assume that your neighbor doesn't know how to bake challah (or let her know that you might think that she doesn't/can't without difficulty). As a convert - I can tell you that this wouldn't feel good. I can only speak for myself - but I don't like to be treated differently (or hovered over) - treat her and the family as you would any other Jewish friend/family -that's what I would recommend - hope this makes sense.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Mar 09 2014, 3:26 pm

Oh! I myself don't make braided breads. Just loaves.

That was my own perspective.

I can braid nicely but I like a different texture of bread than soft challah.

I make pitas, too. Any two unbroken breads is perfectly legal on Friday night.

It's ok to buy your bread too, but I thought it would be a nice thing to do that mitzvah with her. It is very much a woman thing, a bonding thing.

Last edited by Dolly Welsh on Sun, Mar 09 2014, 3:36 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sun, Mar 09 2014, 3:37 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Anybody who wants to take challah with the lady in a baking session at her house would be doing a nice thing, I suppose. She might start with plain breads instead of braided, perhaps.

Sorry but that sounds a bit patronising. Anyone who has completed the conversion process is not starting out with anything. She has probaby been baking challah for quite some time already. Even if she had never made challah before, seriously, how hard is it to make braids?

I would avoid anything that says "welcome to the comminuty" because they have probably been part of the community for a while now, albeit unofficially.

I'd just say "mazal tov, I heard you completed the process, that's great news!" if you happen to see them but I wouldn't go round to their house especially.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Mar 09 2014, 4:04 pm

It IS a big deal and should be marked. It's not just a completion of "red tape", it's a crossing and a new world. You are right OP to think about what to do, and say.

I think it would be a very teary and fine thing, to take challah with her for the first time, if you are close, and that might make you close.

Distribute lots of hugs. Here is one from me.

But perhaps one has to be close to the people and tread carefully. Perhaps it is rather private, also.

amother

Sun, Mar 09 2014, 6:44 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

RIght. It is probable they could use to be looked in on right before and during Pesach with lots of calm and love.

For now, hugs, smiles and food would be good.

Anybody who wants to take challah with the lady in a baking session at her house would be doing a nice thing, I suppose. She might start with plain breads instead of braided, perhaps.

I would say a lot of admiring things about their beautiful new mezuzah.

A case of kosher wine delivered to them might make life easier for them. One is always running out of it otherwise. That will set you back a hundred dollars here:

https://www.kosherwineusa.com

I would hover protectively on Purim. Stay close to them. It's a little much for newbies. Make sure they enjoy it. You may have to both protect and explain.

I'm relieved I probably didn't finish my conversion in the same community Dolly Welsh belongs.

I HATE hearing a lot of admiring things about voluntarily taking up yokes of mitzvos. I don't want to be hovered PROTECTIVELY. For most of us, conversion takes more than a year, so by the time we convert we're quite comfortable and knowledgeable about each yomim tovim. Pesach maybe, but Purim definitely not the most challenging bit. I know it's probably good intentions, but still rather patronizing.

I would probably not appreciate a CASE of kosher wine--no place to store and we're not wine drinkers.

Just mazel tov, your contact details and maybe Shabbos invitation.

justcallmeima

Sun, Mar 09 2014, 8:14 pm

I have never seen a family that converted who weren't already a part of the community for at least a year. I wouldn't do anything special at all. If they want to make a party or in some way mark the occasion, let them. Otherwise, once they are halachikally Jewish, it is assur to remind them in any way that they are "converts". They are yidden just like any other yid. If they shared with you "I'm so excited we finally finished the conversion process", then wish them mazal tov. Otherwise leave it alone.

mille

Sun, Mar 09 2014, 10:37 pm

If it's publicly known that they completed their conversion (and not that you know through the grapevine), say mazal tov and invite them for a shabbat meal. Treat them just like everyone else.

PLEASE don't assume that because they converted they need hand holding. BT here. It drives me batty when people find out I'm a BT, then feel the need to translate basic common hebrew phrases ("parsha --the weekly Torah portion") or explain really simple things like I'm a moron.

Odelyah

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 1:19 am

I think the response depends a lot on the relationship you had with them beforehand. We've had several students/friends with whom we were very close throughout their conversion process. I actually went with two of them to the mikva for their conversion. They were two of the most beautiful, inspiring experiences of my life. We made seudas for them afterwards. So of course with them, and a few others with whom we were close, we (I or my husband, depending on their gender obviously) gave them huge hugs and wished them mazel tov, and told them how lucky Klal Yisrael is to have them.

Someone I didn't know as well, if I saw them fairly soon after their conversion, I would wish them a warm mazel tov, as long as they knew that I knew they were not Jewish before, and had been in the process of converting. This has always been appreciated (I'm pretty certain). This is a huge life event, as long as it was public knowledge that they were in the process, how could you not acknowledge it the first time you see them, soon after the event?

But after that first mazel tov, I would never once refer to the fact that they converted. (Unless in response to a comment they make themselves.) They are "just Jewish" like everyone born that way. Except there's a special mitzva to be sensitive to their feelings and treat them with extra kindness. I agree with the other posters-- you can't go wrong with Shabbos invitations.

finallyamommy

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 6:48 am

I'm a ger. The hardest thing about being a ger is not really feeling like part of the community. DH and I have Shabbos alone most weeks (don't get me wrong! we do enjoy our alone time and we are very introverted anyway) but ANYWAY my point is you really can't go wrong with a Shabbos invitation! And I'd initiate it "can you do x meal this week" rather than "call when you want to come for Shabbos," because as well-meaning as it is, it leaves the ball in the newcomer's court and they probably came from a culture where it's rude to invite yourself to people.

And I second the advice not to try to do challah with her unless you know her REALLY well, like you were her conversion mentor or something--just a random person in the community approaching me with that would have really raised my eyebrows, especially since I've been braiding challah since I was a teen.

ETA: we actually did do a big challah-baking session right after my conversion, but that wasn't a "let's teach esheschayil how to bake" but rather "hey, she gets to say the bracha this time!" Things like that (again, only if you know them really well and they're comfortable with it) where they're doing something "for real" for the first time ever, can be fun.

Last edited by finallyamommy on Mon, Mar 10 2014, 1:56 pm; edited 1 time in total

Frumdoc

Mon, Mar 10 2014, 8:50 am

It really depends on your prior relationship with them.

If it isn't close, a nice mishloach manot, and perhaps a card inside inviting for a shabbos meal, or a meal over Pesach.

Many of gerim I know (my parents have mentored many over the years) are very knowledgeable, and enjoy discussing the same things as anyone else, with perhaps less of an emphasis on the endless jewish geography conversation, which as a BT drove me insane for most of my teenage years. No, I didn't go to the same school, no I didn't grow up with them, no I don't know who their grandparents are or maiden names, which cohens they are related to, or where their great uncle davens..... Rolling Eyes