Send 2.5 year old to preschool when new sibling arrives?

amother

Wed, Mar 12 2014, 9:34 am

We have the option of sending our toddler to preschool this fall.

Toddler will be 2.5. We are BH due a new baby during yom tov.

My DH is very keen to send because he thinks is will be good for DC to socialise and for me to have a break.

I don't want to send at that time because I think that the arrival of a sibling is going to be a huge change for our DC so adding another big change at the same time will be too much of an upheaval. I should also say that I have always been against sending this year but was considering it because my DH really wanted to.

There is not the option of starting at a different time, like in January.

What do others think?

amother

Wed, Mar 12 2014, 9:43 am

Are you working?

If you are working, it's a no-brainer, you need to send so you have the place when you back to work...

if you are home, it's a luxury to send because you can save money because you'll be there to take care of dc. the socialization is good if you send, but you don't have to..

mine is going to be a bit younger than that when baby comes in the fall - but no choice but to send because I'm working...

morah

Wed, Mar 12 2014, 9:48 am

I had the same situation- 2.5 when I had a baby this past Sukkos... I did send, even during my maternity leave, because sanity. That said, he had been going for a year already, so it was really just a continuation of his normal routine. It sounds like yours hasn't been going until now, so it really could be too much at once, he may feel you are sending him away to replace him with the baby... If I were you, I would start sending him over the summer, that way, by the time fall arrives, it's just a continuation of what he's been doing anyway and no longer a major change.

smss

Wed, Mar 12 2014, 9:54 am

amother wrote:

I agree with this.

but, only you can know if you need it or not. if you do need it, then it's important for him to have a relaxed, calm mother, too.

busydev

Wed, Mar 12 2014, 9:58 am

send him.
ds was 22.5mo when my baby was born in early sept (after a week of playgroup). I was really nervous about the big changes for him-new playgroup, new baby, y"t, but he really handled it like a pro. loved it and still does.
I do work and my mother babysits for me, but she felt he needed the socialization and she could use the break in the morning when dealing with a newborn.
I did send him to a different babysitter for most of august when my mother was not available, so that got him used to being away from home. after 3 days he was fine at the babysitter and would cry when picked up. he went right into playgroup no problems.
maybe send him to a backyard camp or a sitter for some of the summer so he can get used to being away from home and it wont be as big an adjustment?

amother

Wed, Mar 12 2014, 10:01 am

morah wrote:

It sounds like yours hasn't been going until now, so it really could be too much at once, he may feel you are sending him away to replace him with the baby... If I were you, I would start sending him over the summer, that way, by the time fall arrives, it's just a continuation of what he's been doing anyway and no longer a major change.

That's exactly what I'm worred about :-(

There is no chance to send over the summer, it is not even open then. The only time of the year you are allowed to start is September. We might be able to negotiate a start after yom tov just because if we start in Sept DC won't have enough time to get use to it before being home for YT.

I am not working at present.

I am not interested in doing what's "normal" but most people in our community do send, even if they're not working. Consequently, there is little opportunity to get together wit other moms and kids during the day or attend classes or groups.

I actually do not agree with my husband that it will be easier for me if DC goes because I will need to be organised to get out of the house at the right time of day to drop off and pick up, but my main concern is what would be best for DC?

morah

Wed, Mar 12 2014, 10:34 am

amother wrote:

Are there any summer camps for toddlers? I would try that, even if it isn't the same place, just to get him used to the idea, or maybe a shared sitter for a few hours a day. The fact is, a 2.5 year old is a lot more cognitively aware than even a just or almost 2 year old, so saying a 22 month old did fine doesn't mean an older child with a longer memory will have the same experience. 6 months at this age is a world of difference.

It is easier though, even with the logistics of getting out. The baby can wear his pjs from the night before, just throw on a coat if it's cold. And dress your toddler as usual. If your husband's schedule works with this, he can drop off. With only the baby at home, you can even sleep a little while the baby sleeps. And your DS will have a fine time playing with other kids his age rather than watching you hold and snuggle that annoying little lump that just dethroned him Smile

spring13

Wed, Mar 12 2014, 12:48 pm

I wouldn't start sending him exactly when the baby is due. A summer camp or something would get him used to the idea of spending part of his day with other kids away from home, but wouldn't carry the baggage of the new baby taking his place with Mommy. Him being busy with other kids in a fun environment is a good idea, he's at a good age for it, and you'll appreciate having your hands freer for at least part of the day when the baby comes, but I wouldn't lump all the transitions into one small window of time.

My DD started playgroup at 2.5, a couple of months before her sister was born and was really happy. As much fun as we sometimes had at home, we both needed things to be different. She needed a better variety of activities and playmates and I needed time to do things without having to keep such a big piece of my attention on her. I know some parents/children are happy at home for longer, but it's not weird for either you or your kid to need or want a change.

amother

Wed, Mar 12 2014, 4:13 pm

OP here. Thanks for all the replies Smile

I have just spoken to someone at the pre-school and they said that we might be able to send DC in January but we would have to register for Sept and of course pay for the time we would not be there, then we would have to make some kind of fake excuse as to why DC missed the first 4 mornths.
My DH thinks that it would be a bad idea to do this because DC would be the only child starting at that time and it might be harder to make friends.

If we do not do that, we can either

1) Send in September but then it's yom tov right away and there will be a period of time when some days are at home, some days are at shul and some are at pre-school.

2) Start right after Yom Tov (new baby is due during Sukkot.)

3) Not send at all and start the following year at 3.5.

As I mentioned, I am first and foremost concerned about what would be best for my DC but I am also thinking whether the benefit would be worth the cost of sending especially if we ended up waiting until January when we would be paying for 4 months for nothing.

Additionally, I know that most kids pick up a lot of viruses etc when they start at a new place, especially little ones. This is likely to happen whenever we send but I'm wondering how much of an issue it would be and that it would be a bad time for DC to be home sick as well as the possibility of passing things to me and the baby. Obviously this is not the biggest consideration but I'm just having nightmares about being home sick with a sick toddler and a sick baby!

For those who asked, there are no summer camp type options here.

busydev

Wed, Mar 12 2014, 9:52 pm

y"t is basically a full month into the school year next sept, no? this year it was a week after they started but next year there is much more time, succos is in oct. so your child can have the whole sept. as long as your in a good playgroup or unless your child has major stranger anxiety, that should be enough time that playgroup is playgroup and baby/succos is its own "traumatic" event.
I mean you know your kid best and yes we are talking diff ages, but my son went to a babysitter group for 3 weeks in august, had not even a week of playgroup, rosh hashana and a new baby the day after y"t was over, then a little more playgroup, y"k, succos and he was really really fine with it. I was very worried (I posted here at some point abt how can I help the transitions) but he exceded my expectations and it was a non issue.
as to getting sick, yeah that did happen. he has been sick almost every month this winter. prob missed abt 4 weeks of playgroup being sick (more then a basic cold/cough). the baby had a couple runny noses, and did get sick last week (at 6mo) but ds hadnt been sick prior to that. and ds1 got sick abt the same age as a baby when he was the only child. but if it doesnt happen this year it will happen next year. I think having those 4 hours to focus on yourself and the newborn will be a sanity saver. kids do get harder and need more activity and structure as they get older.
however if you think your son is extremely shy and very bad at adjusting more then others his age then go by your feelings. maybe see if the playgroup morah will meet your child a few times before with you? so its not sudden? although if the playgroup still has room you may be able to sign up when you feel the need-just they wont be able to save you that spot, so your taking a chance that you will be left hanging. but there were a couple kids that joined ds's playgroup after their mothers had babies. tho I think it would have been easier to join before vs after when there was already an adjustment for them.

MaBelleVie

Thu, Mar 13 2014, 2:56 pm

I agree with keeping him home, if it sounds manageable to you. Yes, they bring home lots of nasty stuff that you don't want the baby exposed to. I've met many parents who couldn't occupy their kids well enough at that age, but I've never yet met a 2.5 year old who needed to be in school. Think about whether you can meet his needs at home, and go for it if you can.

amother

Thu, Mar 13 2014, 7:12 pm

amother wrote:

There is no right answer to this. What is right for your child, is really what is right for you. A happy mother = a happy child. But there is no way to know what will be best for you until the baby comes. Does he have to go every day? Is there a 2 or 3 day a week option. I was in a similar situation - ds1 started playgroup for the first time in September, and ds2 was born in November. He went 3 days a week. He adjusted fine and loved it, but I'll be the first to say that I did it for me and not for him. Even though it was hard to get out of the house, and pick him up a few hours later, those few hours of quiet in the morning were really paramount to my sanity and mental health. if you feel like you will be able to handle it, then you will be fine, and he will be fine as well!

I do think that round age 3, most kids really do want to socialize and be around other kids. So if there are really no other kids around - library story groups, playdates, etc. I would be more inclined to send him.