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I don't have much hair left on my head!
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amother


 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 8:40 pm
I nurse my toddler, who feels a need to pull my hair while he nurses, while he sleeps, and while he's falling asleep. My ponytail is getting thinner and thinner. There is really not that much left to it! I just got new snoods that are tighter so he has trouble reaching into them to pull my hair, but he just pulls them off and helps himself to chinks of my hair. Even when I walk around doing things and holding him, he often has one hand clutching my hair.

I don't want to take away his comforting technique. But I also don't want to be bald. What should I do?
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csl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 8:47 pm
You don't mention his age but if older than two, I believe he can be gently told that this bothers Mommy, and perhaps softly tug his hair so he can feel what you feel. Good luck!
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amother


 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 8:49 pm
You are the mother.

Get him a doll to play with hair from if he really finds it comforting.

One of my kids liked to pinch my arm for comfort. Too bad. I love her, but I didn't tolerate it.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 8:52 pm
He is 21 months old. Even if he would understand, that wouldn't help for when he's sleeping.

Yes, I am the mother, and I love my son and want him to be happy. I would gladly give a few strands of hair a day to contribute to his happiness. But not all of it.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 8:57 pm
Tie your hair back tightly and stroke his hand softly. Don't let him pull your hair.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 9:19 pm
Maybe get him a stuffed animal with looooong soft fur. Or even a pillow with long soft fringes or tassels.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 9:20 pm
mittens
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 9:53 pm
I have a 21 month old. She understands ALOT. She definitely knows when she's doing something wrong. I think you're giving him too little credit.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 10:00 pm
Different kid, different gender.
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Potato Kugel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 10:06 pm
Hi,
if he keeps it up, pretty soon you really wont have hair left...and then he will be out of a comfort technique in any case. May as well try to find some sort of substitution while you still have some left!
Some ideas:
tags on blankets, teddy bear, doll with hair
good luck!!
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 10:15 pm
Wear a synthetic wig and let him bald that?

He will outgrow this in a little while.
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penguin




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 10:53 pm
Quote:
Yes, I am the mother, and I love my son and want him to be happy. I would gladly give a few strands of hair a day to contribute to his happiness. But not all of it.
C'mon OP, you sound like a martyr.

A mother is a person. She is not required, it is not healthy, for her to sacrifice all her health etc for her child. I find this not normal.

A simple no a few times and he should find some other method of comfort.

Actually, I think you should read up on trichotillomania. It is a disorder linked to OCD. I have only ever seen it regarding pulling ones own hair but your son seems to have invented a new version.

Really doesn't sound healthy. I would ask your pediatrician for a referral.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 12 2014, 11:28 pm
It's handy, it's right there, it has been made available, and it feels soft and nice. It's a connection with mom. I don't think he means it to come out of her head, and probably doesn't know that it is coming out. It's not self referential: it's connecting to mom.

But I believe strongly that you should never let a child do anything that he doesn't have to do and that annoys you.

This clearly must hurt, and clearly isn't something OP wants to happen. She must not let her kid annoy her; she does him no favors by letting him annoy her.

And no, she can't control her natural annoyance. Nobody can. Not forever. It will build up. That's not fair to the kid.

One way or another this has to not happen any more.
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mo5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 13 2014, 1:02 am
A relative did this and he also pulled out his own hair while resting. A clown wig did the trick until he was about 3 and stopped entirely.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Mar 13 2014, 4:06 am
To the people who are concerned about him wanting to pull my hair, Dolly Welsh is right- it's simply his connection with me and he doesn't want to pull it out, he just wans to play with it, hold on to it and twirl it around his fingers. It doesn't usually hurt me. In fact, I hardly notice it anymore, since it's happening all the time. What I do notice is how thin my hair has become. When his hands are full of loose hair, he gets annoyed and kvetches and pulls it off.

Last night, I slept with an old shaitel next to my bed. I held it up near my head while I nursed him and he was happy to pull that instead. My hands got very tired of holding it up though. (I had to hold it up so he could yank without pulling the whole thing onto his face.) And when we were laying down, he got so annoyed by the shaitel that he kept waking up and crying. I think most of my hair comes out while he's nursing, so that is a start, but it's not a great solution. Maybe he'll get used to it and then he'll be happy with it always.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Mar 13 2014, 4:10 am
Zehava wrote:
I have a 21 month old. She understands ALOT. She definitely knows when she's doing something wrong. I think you're giving him too little credit.
Ds understands a lot too. But does she take a bottle or pacifier? If you suddenly tell her that's bad, will she be willing to give it up today? Not likely. He is not ready to give up his comfort either, even if told it is wrong.
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 13 2014, 5:10 am
When my older son did annoying nursing behaviors, I would just interrupt the nursing session. He got the message pretty quickly.
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Liba




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 13 2014, 5:25 am
amother wrote:
Ds understands a lot too. But does she take a bottle or pacifier? If you suddenly tell her that's bad, will she be willing to give it up today? Not likely. He is not ready to give up his comfort either, even if told it is wrong.


He has the nursing. I don't have any sympathy for the hair pulling. If you were stopping both, yes, I can see your issue. The hair pulling is something you should never have allowed to start though and you should have no guilt over firmly and consistently making sure it stops. Get him a blanket with a silky corner, a doll with hair or just tell him no, unlatch and put him down, mid nursing, every time he goes for your hair.
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Shuly




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 13 2014, 11:23 am
Get him used to something else now so that you will have an easier time when you stop nursing him. One of my DD's liked to hold a certain blanket when she nursed and I had a much easier time weaning her because she still had the comfort of the blanket.
"Wean him" off your hair now so that you won't have to wean him off nursing and off your hair at the same time.
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SingALong




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 13 2014, 12:57 pm
I had a similar issue with DS, but instead of my hair he liked pulling at my eyelids/eyelashes. (He did it during nursing and any time I held him). He did that to himself too. Anytime he pulled at my eyes I gently took him off my lap and said no as I put him down. He still tries every so often but I always stop it right away. It hurts!

I can't stop him pulling his own eyelids...I googled it, it's a common habit with babies, so I try to ignore it that it shouldn't become an attention getter.
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