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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
So soon?!



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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 16 2014, 2:09 pm
This is my first year with a kid in any kind of school - she is 3 years old and in nursery. It never crossed my mind to even dream of giving mishloach manos to everyone in her class! I know from my own childhood that as kids get older they want on their own to give to all their friends. Also, I had a very small class growing up. She has over twenty kids in her nursery class and so far at least three of them gave to the whole class. And not dinky little things either - small bags but stuffed with junk. I had told her (and I'm sure the morahs taught them something too) that it's a mitzvah on Purim to give some food to a friend - so which friend would you like to bring something to? And she named a kid she likes and we prepared a simple offering.

So, is this it? By next year do I need to have twenty-something goodie bags and walk them all over town lest my baby be considered the one not worth being friends with? Do I need to scramble right now to reciprocate to the kids who already brought us stuff today?

And most of all, WHY are people doing this?! It has to be the mothers, what 3-year-old thinks of this? I mean, one came with a POEM! Not the kid's doing. Fellow mothers, why are you doing this???
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 16 2014, 2:18 pm
I never heard of such a thing! The school sends home notes that noone is allowed to bring mishloach manos to school. Same rules by the boys. I would call the school and discuss it with them. This has to stop.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 16 2014, 2:40 pm
They came to the house! Only one was in school. So it's not just mishloach manos they're doing, but they're also doing trips all around the neighborhood! To THREE (and four) year olds! I could try assuming that they are all doing the same thing as us and just bringing to one person and DD just happens to be that one best friend for two (so far) different kids (one I know for sure gave to everyone, the one who brought to school) but she is not such a social butterfly and doesn't mention those kids much at home, so somehow that seems a bit of a stretch to assume...
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nyer1




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 16 2014, 3:53 pm
Don't let it stress u out. There's no rule that says u have to give to everyone u know. Say thank u and move on. Take it as a compliment that people are reaching out to u. Maybe the mothers want to befriend u. Who knows the reason. It's not a competition.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 16 2014, 5:00 pm
I'm not the competitive sort but I also don't expect my kids to have the same backbone as I do, I don't want them to feel left out of what "everyone" is doing. These parents are setting a ridiculous standard that is only going to get worse every year.
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shalhevet




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 16 2014, 5:28 pm
What you are missing is that your's is the oldest, but other children have older siblings and 3-4 MMs are not ridiculous for an 8 or 10 year old, and then you have to let all your children bring the same amount.

It is not nice not to reciprocate (even much older children are often disappointed). There is even some opinion that you have to reciprocate to an MM. The trick is to try and have someone home all day (I know, it's harder when you only have little children) and then you can reciprocate to anyone who comes. You do not have to meet any standard - put as much or as little as you like in the MMs for your dd's friends - you can even recycle as they come in.
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Tablepoetry




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 16 2014, 6:20 pm
Strange.
I have older children and they only make MM for their closest friends (and of course for anyone who 'surprises' them). And they only start doing it once they are old enough to organize the MM on their own (age 9 and up).
I would really not be happy about making MM for an entire class!
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amother


 

Post Sun, Mar 16 2014, 6:35 pm
nyer1 wrote:
Don't let it stress u out. There's no rule that says u have to give to everyone u know. Say thank u and move on. Take it as a compliment that people are reaching out to u. Maybe the mothers want to befriend u. Who knows the reason. It's not a competition.


I agree to say thank you but think you should give back to whoever comes to you, it teaches your dd proper manners.
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acccdac




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 16 2014, 7:23 pm
I agree with you.

I live in a climate where it is hot so on Purim I have otter pops and hand them out. It also works for the siblings who come to the door. This way if I've ran out of my "just in case" pile I have something to give them without feeling like I did nothing
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sunny90




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 4:55 am
I have a 4 yo and (very precocious) 2 yo and I want them to feel the giving of MM, so I told them they could each give to 5 friends. We bought cheap smiley face cups, filled with a small chocolate bar, a small bag of jelly candies and 2 hamentashen. The kids felt great and so excited to be like the grown ups.
The whole class? No way. My 4 yo has 35 kids in his gan, and my 2 yo has like 13 or so.
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shalhevet




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 5:28 am
Tablepoetry wrote:
Strange.
I have older children and they only make MM for their closest friends (and of course for anyone who 'surprises' them). And they only start doing it once they are old enough to organize the MM on their own (age 9 and up).
I would really not be happy about making MM for an entire class!


There is a mitzva of chinuch for MM, like anything else, probably from age 5-6. But of course one is enough.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 9:47 am
My kids school asked to bring ONE MM per kid (including in pre-gan, 18 to 3).
No one gave to other kids, other parents, morot, principal... no poem LOL. No one went to others' houses, we're not close that way at all, we definitely don't have addresses of parents or morot and looking up in the phone book is more than a bit creepy imho.

If you want to make them give, make them give to neighbours etc.
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 10:41 am
My 2 yo gave 2 because she's #5...
My 4 yo gave around 6 I think
My 5.5 yo about the same amount (2 came to our house and she reciprocated, the rest were given to friends right here. One helped us pack them and said she didn't want one, though!)
My boys gave everyone within walking distance in their class (we live in a gated community) and a couple close friends in town.
I made 31 for all 5 together. We ran out because some kids my kids' ages who are not in their class still gave them, and I never considered counting those type of people in.

Giving the whole class is way too much (I can't imagine if it's not the oldest how there is time for all those deliveries?!) but a handful of friends as they get older is pretty normal.

I do wish the contents could be changed. We made energy bytes to put in ours (made it peanut-butter free though because of allergies, I hope they were still edible) so it wasn't all junk.
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 10:49 am
Each of our young kids gives two or three or four mishloach manot to friends on Purim, but it is very random. They are allowed to take from the small ones I have made, or assemble new ones from nosh that we have received. This starts in gan. And it's so cute!
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 10:55 am
We gave to the teachers in school on Thursday. There was no school friday. Just want to clarify that even DH and I generally give to about two people apiece - a geographically closest friend and some older people who live alone in our building. So we were basically intending to give DD the same kind of chinuch as we do ourselves.

One of the kids who came over yesterday is an only child. The others have older siblings, but still - giving to all 20+?! (the kids who gave in school, for sure. the others I don't know how many homes they actually went to. We weren't the closest socially or geographically to either of them)
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 11:10 am
Parents of an only can do things like this sometimes. Davka things you can't do when you have others. I truly understand it... still in this case it can cause jealousy. But now you said it's an only, it's much clearer to me.
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granolamom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 4:04 pm
I dont know what the big fuss is. everyone will do what feels right for them. in my case, my 4 yo gave 2 MM, one to our neighbors kid who is her age and one more to another friend. my other kids each gave between 5-10. we always have extras by the door to reciprocate incase someone brings unexpectedly. imagine how hurt a kid would feel if he brought to your child and your child didnt give back!
I know some people whose kids give all the local kids in the class, this can be upwards of 15 MM per kid. but if you can afford it and have the time to do all that driving, kol hakavod.
I see no need to compete with that, do what you want.
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mommyhood




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 5:38 pm
My 3 and 4 year old gave 4 each. I prepared small simple peklach with a drink and some nosh. I prepared them well in advance so there was no extra work on Purim for that. They each gave to a few friends (mostly neighbors so not a lot of extra driving) and got pretty much the same thing in return. None of the kids we gave to did themes or fancy bags, just clear cellophane goody bags. One mother just had a bucket of treats and the kids who brought mishloach manos were able to choose a treat. This way she could give to any kid who came to give her kids but she didn't have to prepare a lot.
That's pretty much the norm where I live. It makes it fun for the kids and I don't think it's not excessive. No one I know of gives to the whole class. I don't know how anyone would have time to deliver that many especially if you have a few kids.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 6:20 pm
I make a lot of kids m'm for my kids friends and my nieces and nephews. I don't plan who to give to.
Mainly my boys gave to kids in the neighborhood they play with. We did drive each one to one house, they had boys come over to our house and we bumped into some in the house.
I return to every kid that comes to our house. One boy we missed and today we saw him so gave because I didn't want him to be disappointed.

I baked a lot of extra large choc chip cookies, put in a paper cd case and my kids glued on candy. We made a lot of them.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 6:45 pm
The whole class is ridiculous if it's a large class. If each kid gives no more than one lollypop and one hamantash, that means in a class of 20, each kid comes home with 20 lollypops and 20 hamantashen, which is waaaaay too much junk for anyone, let alone a preschooler.

It would seem far more sensible and equitable for MM to be a class project: teacher collects 50 cents or $1 from each child and buys the goodies, each kid decorates a basket or bag or other container and fills it with the goodies, and then each kid takes a turn "delivering" apackage for someone else to a third kid. (Which kid sends to which kid and which delivers, is decided by pulling names out of a hat, which is in itself part of the PUR theme.) That way the kids learn that one MM fulfills the mitzvah, and the quantity of tooth-rotting poison that is distributed is kept to a minimum.
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