Lack of Shaloch Manos made me feel so bad

amother

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 11:11 am

I fell asleep last night feeling so bad. I know we always give out way more shalach manos than we receive (about 50). But this year was an all-time low. It's not about receiving the food, but rather feeling loved and cared about by neighbors and people we thought are out friends. In past years we have recieved somehwere between 15-20. This year: 5. We gave to everyone we had always given to in the past, but were so surprised to come home and find very little by our doorstep. (We know people were home.)

Like I said it's not about the actual gift, but feeling like we have friends and neighbors who actually like us. I have been left with such a sad, empty feeling and kind of want to cry.

harriet

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 11:17 am

I must be missing something here. You gave mm to 50 people and only 5 gave you back? The other 45 said thank you and didn't give you anything?

Or only 5 people that you didn't give mm to, gave you?

Please clarify!

amother

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 11:28 am

harriet wrote:

Op here: We came home to find 5 on our doorstep. No one gave when we were dropping off. We certainly didn't expect 50 back in return! But, as we were dropping off, we just though others were delivering as well, and we'd come home to more than 5.

Scrabble123

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 1:45 pm

I also received very few mm. I was happy. I am BH blessed to have a few good, close friends. I was surprised even to find that some people sent me shalach manos (that I didn't expect to). I have less to clean up and dispose of. I appreciate myself and don't feel like I need the recognition. Maybe if you give less you will not be so hurt about the amount you receive? Maybe people came by and saw you were not home and did not want to leave it at the door? Maybe some of the people you dropped at the door would have given you had they been home? Maybe when they were home some unexpected people gave them mm so they had to give something in return? I feel along with you, but I wouldn't worry about it. Validate that it hurts you and just continue to feel positive about yourself! You're great.

naturalmom5

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 2:03 pm

amother wrote:

I'm sending you a virtual shaloch monus and a hug Very Happy

amother

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 2:10 pm

Iknow the feeling. I don't think eveyrone we gave to would have made the effort to come to us. I was surpirsed by some of the people who did make the effort. It really made me feel better even though the numbers were still skewed.

scrltfr

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 2:56 pm

I made 9 got back 8. I only give to those that will truly appreciate it. I used to give a ton and not get any back. I stopped bothering and stopped caring.

amother

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 3:12 pm

I know the feeling. I gave about 40 but I still have tons of junk to go around. Tell me where you live, I ll pack you up a beautiful basketful. I felt that people gave just because they had to. One person thought of me personally and sent me something she knew I would like.

Pita

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 3:21 pm

I know what you mean. I live in a pretty secular area. I usually give out about 40. Last year I got 1 for the first time, and was thrilled. This year I got 2. Usually I get nothing.

anotherima

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 3:25 pm

The mitzvah of mishloach manos is to give one person two types of foods. That's what I do (for me). I prepared nine for my husband who ran around town delivering. and people gave him back for the most part.

imasinger

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 3:29 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Between those invaded by tons of unwanted food, and those with nothing, we really don't think there is something to change in the system??

amother

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 3:33 pm

I gave my neighbor one and she says come back later. I went out came back home and found one that was from her.
ONLY- it was a regifted one lol how do I know? well for one it looked to put together to be hers lol, and second apparently not much thought went into making it, as she put in the poem that she put in others. apparently they had a green theme and challah inside. my had neither!

I guess my point is sometimes you think of others and they dont think of you!

additionally, half the people I gave to either werent there or didnt give anything back so I def understand your feeling. wouldve been nice but thats the reality of it.

btw 50 is a lot. are they just people u kinda know or people u actually are friends with. I think that makes a difference.

spinkles

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 4:11 pm

I don't give a lot of MM anymore, because it's too much with my kids' deliveries to their friends. I've noticed that younger people give MM to neighbors and friends but as the years go by they stop. Most of my friends either don't bother or send via Purim shuttle or send "in lieu of MM" tzedakah cards. It doesn't mean you don't have friends! If someone comes to the door and I answer it, I give them MM, but if they drop off by the door I don't feel like I need to rush out and give them MM. I specifically didn't give MM to a few families that dropped MM off, so they know they can cross me off their list next year. I appreciate their MM but don't feel they need the rush and hassle of giving me. We're already friends. I feel like with friends you really don't need to give MM, there's an understanding that it's not necessary. Purim is such a hectic day, do me a favor and make life a little easier for yourself and DON'T give me. So...take the lack of MM as a compliment!

mommyX2

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 4:22 pm

I'm still confused, for the 50 ppl that gave you, did anyone give you back? if yes, maybe they would have made the effort to give to you but you beat them to it by bringing to them first!

Willow43

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 5:22 pm

I cant believe 45 people opened the door, accepted your shalach manos, and didnt give back! crazy
I agree with others that instead of making 50, make a few for your good friends/family, and the people who gave you this year.
I have a few friends who only goes to teachers, and makes a few in case people come over.. people have been scaling back and just getting lazy/tired to drive around town and dont want to spend the money. Both mentioned that they didnt get alot of shalach manos, but neither cared since they didnt make the effort, and werent offended that only a few people made the effort to come to them
Happens to be my husband does deliveries early, so we beat most people to it. But who knows, maybe they wouldnt have come to me if we didnt go to them first? I dont know
Popularity shouldnt be judged by how many shalach manos you get... everyone will say 2 or 3 real and true friends are a million times better than 50 aquaintances
HUGS

causemommysaid

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 5:45 pm

that is absurd. 50 pple accepted mm and gave nothing in return? I always give everyone who comes to my door. I dont earmark anything for anyone except the rabbi. we give out our own mm till it runs out and then we regift to whomever comes late in the day. you seem to be giving to some very rude people.

myself

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 5:57 pm

I'm sorry, it must feel awful. Hug

I think it's totally out of place that all these people didn't return. I just want to mention that many people don't give friends. I personally only give my close neighbours, immediate family, employer and children's rebbeim/teachers. We've slowly cut down over the years as it's too much work to prepare so many and it takes too much time to deliver. Perhaps some of these people don't give friends either.

I'm still surprised you got so little as even though we don't give friends we certainly reciprocate to those that give us. Unless of course we're not home at the time and got back too late.

PinkFridge

Mon, Mar 17 2014, 6:11 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Between those invaded by tons of unwanted food, and those with nothing, we really don't think there is something to change in the system??

Yes! We need some takanos! Tongue Out

Actually there is some grass roots stuff going on. A lot of people do themes because they can get away with spending so little if it's a theme. That's not a bad thing, especially if they're paying more attention to matanos l'evyonim. Now what we need to do, again, on the grass roots level, is spread awareness of the concept that your theme should include foods that real people are likely to really eat.