Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
Why is re-gifting okay? It seems wrong.
1  2  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 10:02 pm
It was an awkward moment for me yesterday when a friendly acquaintance came over for something and ended up bringing a MM. At that time of day we had already given ours all out already and I never really planned to have a stash for the last minute quick gift. (Should have thought about that but I didn't). Anyway, all I could do was say thanks and make a little friendly small talk. Besides, this person already got a shuttle MM from us.

There was still a few hours left in the day. I could have brought something by later but it would have obviously been a re-gift. But I think it is so tacky to re-gift. Because it is apparent that the gift was not original or intended to begin with.

Just wondering if people think I should have "re-gifted" anyway even though this person got a shuttle MM from us. In our community, people get one MM from the shuttle and a piece of paper attached that says all the people who chose to gift one to them. It's not like everyone who gets a shuttle MM from someone gets one from each person giving. There's only one. I so dislike the process for some reason although I think it ends up being a money maker for the shul. People often end up giving gift bags of MM anyway despite giving also for the shuttle. It's sort of redundant.
Back to top

justforfun87




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 10:27 pm
Yes it would have looked obvious. They will see that you thought of them with the shuttle one. Consider giving them next year.
Back to top

Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 10:31 pm
Maybe they gave you one because of your name on the shuttle, they thought they had to reciprocate and didn't expect anything in return.
Back to top

boysrus




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 10:38 pm
glutenless wrote:
Maybe they gave you one because of your name on the shuttle, they thought they had to reciprocate and didn't expect anything in return.


what she said! Yes
Back to top

amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 10:51 pm
You did the right thing by not regifting in front of your friend. I dislike when I bring someone MM and they go over to the table, pick up 2 random things and hand it to me. I think its so tacky. I have no problem with recycling the food. But repack it before you answer the door, not while Im waiting.
Back to top

MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 11:03 pm
I would never regift in front of someone, but I would (and have) definitely combine a few neutral mm NOT in anyone's presence. I think it's actually a good idea to do that if you run out, since you never know if someone else is going to show up. Obviously you put together stuff that works and doesn't look clearly regifted.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 17 2014, 11:15 pm
I got two re-gifted MM. One was from a disabled lady who was open and humorous about it. I told her mine had a label and asked her if she wanted me to remove it. It gave her pleasure to be able to give MM.

The second one was from a family that does it every year. I gave them a re-gifted one this year put together from others I received. One year I got an identical one earlier from the original family that gave it. One of my kids mentioned it and it was awkward.
Back to top

DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 3:01 am
I sometimes "recycle" mm by removing contents that we don't like but that other people do (things like Bissli or white chocolate or bubble gum or taffy),
and adding it to mm we give to others.

Note that I would *only* do this with store-bought food items. I think it's wrong to do this with homemade edibles, both for kashrut reasons (maybe the recipient would eat YOUR food but not this other person's food, and now you are presenting their food as yours) and ethical reasons (someone worked hard to bake that cake and you are "taking credit" for their work. Somehow that seems wrong).
Back to top

busydev




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 9:21 am
my old neighbor did this. hes a rav of a shul so gets a lot. they prepare a couple before (one per each household member) and then they have a stack of bags and when you come he goes picking thru the ones he got finds 2 store bought items and puts them into the bag. even asks if you like this type of chip or that type.
Back to top

etky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 9:35 am
DrMom wrote:
I sometimes "recycle" mm by removing contents that we don't like but that other people do (things like Bissli or white chocolate or bubble gum or taffy),
and adding it to mm we give to others.

Note that I would *only* do this with store-bought food items. I think it's wrong to do this with homemade edibles, both for kashrut reasons (maybe the recipient would eat YOUR food but not this other person's food, and now you are presenting their food as yours) and ethical reasons (someone worked hard to bake that cake and you are "taking credit" for their work. Somehow that seems wrong).


ITA.I have no problem recycling things we have no use for like halva, wafflim,and certain candy and chatifim but I would never pass off someone's baked goods as my own. And any recycling is done in the kitchen, far from anyone's view.
Back to top

sky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 9:46 am
I would regift random sealed packaged items into a bag without a name (tea, chocolate, nuts, etc). But not in front of anyone.

I went to an elderly aunt on Purim and she had prepared a bag for us, but then I complimented some unmarked and unwrapped cupcakes she got, and she put them in my bag, then later I mentioned I love chocolate and she pulled 2 chocolate bars out of bags and put in mine. I thought it was so cute and sweet because of the situation - that she wanted to give me what I liked from what she had received. But I would never do it myself. [I felt bad about the cupcakes, because they would have eaten them...]
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 9:53 am
OP here. So what is the point of MM to begin with if one simply regifts what others give? If something is re-gifted and it is suspected or is obvious to the receiver, it negates the purpose of MM and in fact does the opposite.
Back to top

Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 10:07 am
DrMom wrote:


Note that I would *only* do this with store-bought food items. I think it's wrong to do this with homemade edibles, both for kashrut reasons (maybe the recipient would eat YOUR food but not this other person's food, and now you are presenting their food as yours) and ethical reasons (someone worked hard to bake that cake and you are "taking credit" for their work. Somehow that seems wrong).


It can also be awkward. I called a friend to compliment her on her beautiful home made truffles. She was very confused and said she didn't make truffles - and I then realized she had recycled it.

I think recycling is OK if done thoughtfully. It also works better for people who are not going to know what the "real" thing you gave out - like it wouldn't work for a neighbor.

The presentation should be decent. I once got from a neighbor who felt obligated to reciprocate to me a gift bag with a handful of very random small candies thrown in. It looked very recycled.

But on the other hand, Purim is really hectic, so I wouldn't be to hard on anyone who does something that is not ideal. It can also happen that you run out of MM because unexpected people came to your door.
Back to top

etky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 10:08 am
amother wrote:
OP here. So what is the point of MM to begin with if one simply regifts what others give? If something is re-gifted and it is suspected or is obvious to the receiver, it negates the purpose of MM and in fact does the opposite.


The point is it sometimes can extricate you from an awkward social situation (I.e. if you don't have enough stuff to reciprocate) and it also helps prevent waste. I make up about 20 'original' MM (not including the kiddie ones) to give out and if anyone unexpected comes after that I give them something I made up during the day that contains some of my 'original' homemade components and some of the recycled packaged stuff that my family doesn't like anyway. I never do it on the spot so there is no way anyone can know if I actually purchased the item myself in the supermarket or got it from someone else.
Back to top

DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 10:15 am
Simple1 wrote:
It can also be awkward. I called a friend to compliment her on her beautiful home made truffles. She was very confused and said she didn't make truffles - and I then realized she had recycled it.

I think recycling is OK if done thoughtfully. It also works better for people who are not going to know what the "real" thing you gave out - like it wouldn't work for a neighbor.

The presentation should be decent. I once got from a neighbor who felt obligated to reciprocate to me a gift bag with a handful of very random small candies thrown in. It looked very recycled.

But on the other hand, Purim is really hectic, so I wouldn't be to hard on anyone who does something that is not ideal. It can also happen that you run out of MM because unexpected people came to your door.

As I said, I would only do this with store-bought food, not handmade truffles (I'd keep those for myself! Wink ).

Here in Israel the presentation of mm is very casual (paper plate wrapped in saran wrap is fine), so you could easily whip up a mm in your kitchen while your guests waits a minute in the living room.
Back to top

Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 10:16 am
I don't wait till I run out of mm and someone is at the door - if I find myself running low, I start preparing a few re-gifted mm just in case....and so have them ready if someone extra shows up.

This usually happens with the kids stuff.....DD's friend will come with a few siblings in tow to give mm, and said siblings get from our kids stash....and when I find myself running low I create some more on the fly from the nosh that has accumulated.

For my own mm I always make a few extra for "surprises".
Back to top

rosehill




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 10:18 am
amother wrote:
OP here. So what is the point of MM to begin with if one simply regifts what others give? If something is re-gifted and it is suspected or is obvious to the receiver, it negates the purpose of MM and in fact does the opposite.


The *point* of MM is to fulfill the mitzva of giving two food items to one friend. Once that's done, you could argue what's the point of the circus MM has turned into?
I didn't regift this year. I also didn't look closely enough to see if anyone regifted me. I was just happy with anyone who took the trouble to come to my door, and was especially delighted to see happy kids in costume.

I took a huge box of junk to work the next day, and still have plenty to rot my kids teeth and give them tummy aches until Pesach. WHat's the point of *THAT*?
Back to top

etky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 10:33 am
rosehill wrote:
The *point* of MM is to fulfill the mitzva of giving two food items to one friend. Once that's done, you could argue what's the point of the circus MM has turned into?
I didn't regift this year. I also didn't look closely enough to see if anyone regifted me. I was just happy with anyone who took the trouble to come to my door, and was especially delighted to see happy kids in costume.

I took a huge box of junk to work the next day, and still have plenty to rot my kids teeth and give them tummy aches until Pesach. WHat's the point of *THAT*?



The whole thing needs revamping. It has indeed become a circus. "Shuttles" were invented partly as fundraisers but also to moderate the craziness that MM has become. It doesn't seem to be working in that respect. All it takes is one or two 'renegades' who decide that they just have to give privately anyway and the whole system comes crashing down like a house of cards.
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 12:00 pm
Regifting is impolite in my world. It means you don't care about the gift, nor really about what you give.
But again I'm not at all familiar with the whole NY (?) MM culture.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Mar 18 2014, 12:02 pm
We received a beautiful mishloach manos from a single guy, who my husband had helped out of a crazy situation the Friday night before Purim. I felt that he really was sending his appreciation by giving a fancy bottle of wine, expensive chocolates, and a few other nice things, until I saw on the bag the label that read "happy Purim from the ______ family."

Lesson is, if you are regifting, make sure to take off the labels from the family who gave you the original mishloach manos!!

Annon cause I told a couple people this story
Back to top
Page 1 of 2 1  2  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Help !!! We’re do I start 2 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 11:17 pm View last post
Did I do the wrong thing?
by amother
12 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 3:07 pm View last post
Feels so unfair re: boys collecting
by amother
40 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:57 am View last post
Does anyone have burlap bags that they're returning?
by amother
6 Sun, Mar 24 2024, 1:22 am View last post
Re: Shabbos robes in shul.
by patzer
20 Sun, Mar 24 2024, 1:12 am View last post