very important question

Happy18

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 5:26 pm

I think they need to ask a shaila, especially if this is not their first boy and they have never done this before. If this is their minhag and they didn't know/forgot/whatever in the past fine, but I would think they would have known in the past.

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 5:47 pm

I know people that have this minhag. None of them take it to the edge. The mother and sisters are all in the room. They just don't invite aunts and non-related women.

PinkFridge

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 6:11 pm

Why am I not so bent out of shape?
True, it's not really our minhag to do upsherins, though maybe among my grandchildren there will be some with a major mesorah; and my world doesn't include obscure minhagim that we feel so compelled to carry on, but if any of my kids do find themselves in that world and I can't go, it'll be okay. Really.

greenfire

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 6:47 pm

amother wrote:

Makes me feel sad and sickened. Hearing about these things makes me so angry, and start to have doubts. A toddler shouldn't see his mother!!!! on the day of his upsherin? My gosh, it's not like my tampon is going to jump out at him and start wiggling and dripping blood all over.

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 6:51 pm

I live in a community where this minhag is often kept but NEVER have I heard of the mother or siblings keeping out of sight. I find it startling but I guess each to their own.

ElTam

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 7:12 pm

I take "Let's try to be frummer than HaShem for $1000," Alex.

Last edited by ElTam on Wed, Mar 19 2014, 2:29 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 7:17 pm

amother wrote:

I know people that have this minhag. None of them take it to the edge. The mother and sisters are all in the room. They just don't invite aunts and non-related women.

In our family we do like the quoted. We are careful however, that women during nidda shouldn't touch the boy. That can sometimes mean that daddy gets to do the bathing after....

imasoftov

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 10:05 pm

Tablepoetry wrote:

Teenage daughters hide in their rooms so their brother won't be tainted by their 'uncleanliness'?

No words.

I have a few, but they'd get deleted if I posted them.

bubbebia

Tue, Mar 18 2014, 10:43 pm

This is the kind of thing that makes me grateful we didn't have the minhag of even letting our son's hair grow. And, B"H, my SILs don't have that minhag either.

Tablepoetry

Wed, Mar 19 2014, 3:20 am

amother wrote:

I live in a community where this minhag is often kept but NEVER have I heard of the mother or siblings keeping out of sight. I find it startling but I guess each to their own.

Can I ask what the logic is? If a boy will be 'tainted' by having nidda women around him on his birthday, what does it matter if these women are his sisters or his aunts?

amother

Wed, Mar 19 2014, 7:02 am

Tablepoetry wrote:

Can I ask what the logic is? If a boy will be 'tainted' by having nidda women around him on his birthday, what does it matter if these women are his sisters or his aunts?

I don't know the logic, this is not my minhag, I assume though that it has to do with minimizing exposure to tumah as much as reasonably possible.

amother

Wed, Mar 19 2014, 7:50 am

If a man goes to a funeral on his way to the upsherin, is he also banned? Or are people with this practice only concerned about nida?

PinkFridge

Wed, Mar 19 2014, 8:04 am

In the old, old days, when people lived with these halachos life was really interesting. I assume people were very matter of fact about the situation.

grace413

Wed, Mar 19 2014, 9:17 am

amother wrote:

If a man goes to a funeral on his way to the upsherin, is he also banned? Or are people with this practice only concerned about nida?

Everybody today is considered to be tamei meis if I'm not mistaken.

Barbara

Wed, Mar 19 2014, 9:26 am

amother wrote:

This is more of a minhag, not halacha. The not seeing women thing stems from not seeing women that are not clean. Since they won't be asking everyone before entering if they are clean or not, they don't invite women to the upsherin affair.

Grandparents are usually past the age of getting their periods, so they do come to the upsherin of the boy.

An upsherin is a minhag, not halacha. There is no halacbic reason to grow a young boy's hair. Ergo, there cannot be a halachic reason for him not to see a woman, or a woman in nidda, on the day of his upsherin.

JewishMommyNYC

Wed, Mar 19 2014, 11:58 am

amother wrote:

Is a child allowed to see a woman (grandmother/sil/other relatives) on the day that he turns 3?

This is the best answer I can provide:

Some say a lady who is a niddah should not touch the child (Kav Hayosher 72:page 362, Me’am Lo’ez ibid:pages 572-573,
Chinuch Yisroel 8:page 245) However, the custom seems to be lenient with this (Chai Ha’Levi 4:111:8). Even according to those who
are stringent it is only the day when the child is brought to the cheder, but if his hair is cut on a different day then there is no problem
(Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 20:10). The custom is that the child may look at a woman even if she is in her un-pure state. (Chinuch
Yisroel 8:page 245, Natei Gavriel (Upsherin) 20:6). The child should not look at a picture of an impure object either (Chinuch Yisroel
8:page 524 new).

greenfire

Wed, Mar 19 2014, 3:05 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

In the old, old days, when people lived with these halachos life was really interesting. I assume people were very matter of fact about the situation.

how so ... did they wear a scarlet letter during nidda ?!