Spinoff: what do u wish u had known before ur 1st toddler?

amother

Wed, Mar 19 2014, 11:14 pm

Hi, first time mother of toddler here Wave

was reading the other thread and wished there could be one for toddlers...so here goes... What do u wish someone had told you, or that you had known,while going thru the stages of toddlerhood (with ur kid, not urself Tongue Out

)? (my dd is almost 2 but of course advice for older toddler would be appreciated also), thanks! (also any advice on easing said toddler into becoming an older sibling Smile

)

amother

Thu, Mar 20 2014, 1:25 am

Most temper tantrums can be defused. Those that can't, still won't last forever.

Most of the trouble is because they can't express themselves fully. Offer words whenever possible. I.e. "You are upset that I didn't give you more chocolate milk? You are still thirsty? You don't want water?"

Kids get their Yetzer Haras before they get their Yetzer Tovs. You can either help their Yetzer Tov ("I know you can do this mitzvah... you are going to make Hashem SO happy! You will put a brick in the Beis Hamikdash Hashlishi!" "Tatty and Mommy are SO proud of you that you are big enough to put your plate in the sink."), or help their Yetzer Hara ("you will get a prize when you put that away!") - OR just bypass the whole system and do it yourself. Put on their pajamas, put them in bed, etc.

They still love cuddles. Even if they're "so" big.

It's not their fault that they fall and drop things and spill things.

gold21

Thu, Mar 20 2014, 1:34 am

"This too shall pass"- that's the motto Tongue Out

It can be a pretty difficult stage, as a toddler is often defiant and seems to always get into trouble (cracking all the eggs, ripping all the toilet paper....)

Keep a sense of humor. Laugh. Remember that this too shall pass.

5*Mom

Thu, Mar 20 2014, 8:23 am

That 99% of the books on raising toddlers should never have been published. Most are completely not age- and developmentally-appropriate.

That everything a toddler does is purposeful and is related to his stage of development and it is wondrous if you can step back enough to see the bigger picture and not take everything--anything!--personally.

smss

Thu, Mar 20 2014, 8:26 am

5*Mom wrote:

are there any you WOULD recommend? Tongue Out

and which ones would you stay away from?

5*Mom

Thu, Mar 20 2014, 8:39 am

smss wrote:

are there any you WOULD recommend?

The ones that say, like MaBelleVie, that toddlers are just bigger babies. Really they are. I'd sooner suggest reading and researching about general child development, and books about the context of parenting rather than techniques. I recommend Gordon Neufeld and Alfie Kohn.

smss

Thu, Mar 20 2014, 8:48 am

5*Mom wrote:

thanks.

amother

Thu, Mar 20 2014, 4:19 pm

amother wrote:

Kids get their Yetzer Haras before they get their Yetzer Tovs. You can either help their Yetzer Tov ("I know you can do this mitzvah... you are going to make Hashem SO happy! You will put a brick in the Beis Hamikdash Hashlishi!" "Tatty and Mommy are SO proud of you that you are big enough to put your plate in the sink."), or help their Yetzer Hara ("you will get a prize when you put that away!") - OR just bypass the whole system and do it yourself. Put on their pajamas, put them in bed, etc.

Where did you hear that kids get a yetzer hara before a yetzer tov? It sounds more Christian than Jewish. . .

boro parker

Thu, Mar 20 2014, 4:24 pm

amother wrote:

Where did you hear that kids get a yetzer hara before a yetzer tov? It sounds more Christian than Jewish. . .

A child is born with a yetzer hara (mishlei) but only gets yetzer tov at bar/bat mitzvah.

skymile

Thu, Mar 20 2014, 4:26 pm

while we're on the subject - what can I do when my dd refuses to go to sleep because she's scared. she doesn't say what she is scared of. just "scawed scawed". me and dh can't figure it out and it causes a lot of stress and tension at bedtime. sometimes I think she just says it as an excuse to come out of bed because she never mentions fear any other time other than bedtime. we've tried leaving the light on, one of us staying in the room so she's not alone, we've explained that we are right here and that the aibeshter is here with us... can't figure it out!!!!