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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
PLEASE HELP!! need an appropriate punishment for 7 year old
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amother


 

Post Wed, Mar 26 2014, 8:39 am
MaBelleVie wrote:
This sounds pretty narrow minded. I think different circumstances call for different reactions. And how can you say that it doesn't matter what the punishment is?



I learned this in law school in criminal law class. The teacher taught us a study by the department of justice. The recidivism rate among adults was much lower with the swifter the punishments. The actual punishments didn't change the outcome. She then taught us of another study that formed their premise from the first with regard to juveniles and parental and school punishments. Again, the same conclusions were reached. The swifter punishments were the most effective. The actual punishments was not a variable that effected the outcome.

The conclusions stuck with me. I have incorporated this into my parenting. I have a teenage boy with adhd and sid. For an impulsive child especially, I believe, the consequences must be immediate and connected to the event. BH I have a good boy now.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 26 2014, 9:01 am
amother wrote:
I learned this in law school in criminal law class. The teacher taught us a study by the department of justice. The recidivism rate among adults was much lower with the swifter the punishments. The actual punishments didn't change the outcome. She then taught us of another study that formed their premise from the first with regard to juveniles and parental and school punishments. Again, the same conclusions were reached. The swifter punishments were the most effective. The actual punishments was not a variable that effected the outcome.

The conclusions stuck with me. I have incorporated this into my parenting. I have a teenage boy with adhd and sid. For an impulsive child especially, I believe, the consequences must be immediate and connected to the event. BH I have a good boy now.


I'm glad this worked for you. I find it strange that you're projecting from criminal law when the time frames are so vastly different from those in question here. No criminal receives his punishment in a day or even a week. Why do you assume that a parent waiting three days would be problematic? Your evidence does not support that conclusion.

Also, I strongly disagree that it doesn't matter what the punishment is. Again, that may work for your child, but I think that effective discipline must be well thought out and relevant.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Mar 26 2014, 1:28 pm
I agree about making him clean it up and paying for a new one - it's important to teach your child that all his actions have consequences.

But aside from negative consequences, you should also find a way to reward positive behavior, to help him see that it's worthwhile to behave well and control his impulses, and to clearly outline what behavior you expect. The expectation shouldn't just be 'don't destroy things', it should be 'stay in bed until you fall asleep' or something similar (this is more effective, because it it is 2 steps removed from destroying things). I recommend you set up a chart with him for 'staying in bed until you fall asleep'. Tell him that for each night that he stays in his bed, he gets a star/check/sticker on his chart; then, if he gets 5 or 10 or 15 stars (you'll have to decide what a good amount is), then he gets a reward. The reward should be a special outing/event/together time with Mom or Dad (or even both together). You don't have to take him to a broadway show, just taking him out or staying in for pizza or ice cream would probably work; or ask him what activity in the house or out of the house he would like. If you think that he wouldn't go for that, a small educational toy or book could work too (don't reward with money - you don't want him to get the message that he should be paid for just doing what he is supposed to). For your child in particular, rewarding him with a type of building toy, science kit, or something similar would have benefits for everyone!

If you think he is too old for a 'star chart', he's not - my parents used them with me until I was a teenager. I have ADHD and was very very impulsive. Negative consequences for specific instances plus rewards for controlling my behavior in general were MUCH MUCH more effective than a punishment alone.

Good luck!
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granolamom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 26 2014, 2:06 pm
amother wrote:
I learned this in law school in criminal law class. The teacher taught us a study by the department of justice. The recidivism rate among adults was much lower with the swifter the punishments. The actual punishments didn't change the outcome. She then taught us of another study that formed their premise from the first with regard to juveniles and parental and school punishments. Again, the same conclusions were reached. The swifter punishments were the most effective. The actual punishments was not a variable that effected the outcome.

The conclusions stuck with me. I have incorporated this into my parenting. I have a teenage boy with adhd and sid. For an impulsive child especially, I believe, the consequences must be immediate and connected to the event. BH I have a good boy now.


I dont know much about criminal law or the science behind rehabilitative programs that deal with criminals.

but I have seen with my own kids that when they are very young (like under 5) the consequence does need to be somewhat immediate. the older kids do learn from delayed consequences, and that is what life is often about.

I do find that when the consequence of misbehavior is natural, or at the very least, related, the kids do learn from the experience, most of the time anyway. it does very much matter what the consequence is if you want them to learn how to make better choices and not just to avoid that specific misbehavior because 'mom will get mad and take away my tv privileges' or whatever. my goal is that my kids will be able to weigh consequences of their behaviors while making choices so that they can make high level choices in life, without the threat of getting caught/punished.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 26 2014, 2:55 pm
the simplest & most effective punishment would be to have him clean it up ... no matter how late it was he obviously needs to burn off some energies ... cause & effect

I'm not sure how a 7 year old can replace the monetary loss for the deodorant ... unless you give him an allowance every week
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