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My 3 yo says why? whenever I give her instruction



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amother


 

Post Tue, Mar 25 2014, 3:40 pm
My 3 yr old says why to everything and it's driving me nuts- if I tell her not to touch something or stop doing something her automatic response is why? I'm ok explaining to her sometimes after the fact but I need to know that if I tell her to not run in to the street she's not going to stop in the middle of the street and say why? !!!!!!!!!!!! I also don't think I need to explain to her ALWAYS. She doesn't even always say why can't I do this.... she just says why like it's an automatic response but she won't follow instructions until afterwards and she doesn't necessarily say why only one time either- I can explain something a few times and she'll still ask why?
Any advice from experienced mommies would be appreciated since she is driving me nuts!!!!!
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Jewishmom8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 25 2014, 3:44 pm
amother wrote:
My 3 yr old says why to everything and it's driving me nuts- if I tell her not to touch something or stop doing something her automatic response is why? I'm ok explaining to her sometimes after the fact but I need to know that if I tell her to not run in to the street she's not going to stop in the middle of the street and say why? !!!!!!!!!!!! I also don't think I need to explain to her ALWAYS. She doesn't even always say why can't I do this.... she just says why like it's an automatic response but she won't follow instructions until afterwards and she doesn't necessarily say why only one time either- I can explain something a few times and she'll still ask why?
Any advice from experienced mommies would be appreciated since she is driving me nuts!!!!!

bh after having a bunch of kids and a 3 year old at home now I can assure you this is totally normal.
3 year olds drive thier parents nuts. thats just what they do. they are so super cute. but they make us crazy.
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JewishMommyNYC




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 25 2014, 4:05 pm
B"H, she is communicating with you and wise enough to ask questions. She genuinely might need to know the answers so that she can process, understand and gain meaning of what you say.

This is really something for me to read because growing up my parents were always "yes" or "no" and if I asked questions, well, no explication was given. I couldn't talk back and if I did I was scolded. It drove me crazy and I never understood how they could have raised me like that. When I became -amother- I decided to explain every single thing to my daughter, including the fact that she had to be responsible and safe and I answered all of her questions. Today, at 8 years old, she has the comprehension of an adult. Just remember, your little girl is learning. I know it can be annoying at times because they are always questioning but I assure you this is a phase and it won't last long. It could be over by next week or next month and for sure it will not happen as often by next year. If you don't do the explaining, who will? Hang in there. I think your daughter needs you to answer these things for her. But do make it clear that although questions are ok, you shouldn't have to explain certain things more than once. Cars, streets, parking lots, kitchens and ovens, water (pools and such) are all dangerous and off limits without supervision. There are rules in place and they should be explained until she understands and learns them but beyond that some action should be take If she is just questioning your authority. By action I just mean an age appropriate way of making her know she is doing something wrong.

Best of luck to you and try to enjoy and laugh through this. She's just a little girl and she isn't going to be for too much longer!!!!
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PAMOM




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 25 2014, 4:27 pm
You've gotten excellent advice here. The stage will pass; try to enjoy the closeness . When you start losing your mind, turn it around and answer, "umm, you tell me why" if it's something you've told her many times or "why not?" Do it playfully, not like you're annoyed. My dd loved these games and was happy to tell me if she really needed an answer .
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iluvy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 25 2014, 4:41 pm
Whenever I feel like I'm going crazy, I remember that she is asking because she genuinely wants to know! The other thing that keeps me from going crazy is the rule, "First listen, then ask." When I tell her to do something, or stop doing something, we can discuss it as much as she wants, but first she has to do what I said. It works really well.

Last week, I asked my husband to bring me something from my room. He said, "Why?" My daughter looked up sharply from the other side of the room and said, "First listen, then ask."
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bubbebia




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 25 2014, 4:51 pm
Mazal tov. You have a normal 3 year old. Some of this is their way of controlling things, but part of it is how they make sense of their world. And some of it is just to tick you off. Will it drive you nuts? Of course. And do you want to kill the kid? Of course. You are not alone. Sometimes you can answer and they'll listen, other times they won't. I find when they do the repeated "why" to just turn it around and ask them "why". That makes them laugh and will often stop it. And sometimes you just have to turn around and walk away or say "because I said so". But know that it will stop. Then they go on to the next stage which is the "I hate you" stage. That's fun too.
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busydev




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 25 2014, 6:46 pm
3 year olds say why.

This is the standard response to everything. Your child sounds very normal. Thank hashem
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 25 2014, 8:12 pm
Let me give you a sense of perspective: "Why?" is better than "No!"
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 26 2014, 1:54 pm
I explain a couple times, then I ignore or say because mom says so.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 26 2014, 2:03 pm
curiosity keeps a person growing in knowledge ... no need to stifle it - take advantage & teach her why or why not
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