Talking to men- the opposite end of the spectrum

Raisin

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 9:47 am

freidasima wrote:

Am I the only person that charedi men of all persuasions seem to talk to? Maybe it's my status, maybe it's the ones I come in contact with, and maybe it's because we talk tachlis litoeles....but even the frummest meshulachim who won't look at me, love to come and eat in the house when we offer them to come in and have something and those who won't touch food and only drink in the hot summer, they too thank me without looking at me.

Maybe it's because I'm old, maybe because I'm grandmotherly, and maybe because I put the socially awkward ones at ease....but on a one to one level? If someone doesn't acknowledge my existence, I make sure that they do and even laugh about it. I'm not threatening. I'm not alluring at my age, and I know dinnim as well as they do and what is ridiculous and what is normal human behavior.

Also..we don't give anymore to yeshivas that don't send to the army, but in the days that we did, let me tell you, they would come on Friday to collect and enjoy my kigels very much, digging in with dh and the kids for lunch!

all the chariedi men I know talk to me. Either chabad, or the random yeshivish or chassidic guys who make it to my neck of the woods. When I go back to Stamford hill some of the men there won't look at me. (why work in a supermarket where mostly women shop if you are that frum?)

someone

Wed, Apr 02 2014, 2:04 pm

I didnt read all the responses but when I read the OP my first thought was that could have been my husband. The thing is that my DH is machmir about not talking to women when not neccessary, not looking at them etc. And also he is very socially awkward and is lacking some basic social skills. So in this case, he probably wouldnt have said anything to the girl helping in his house, but if it was a boy chances are he wouldnt either because he just doesnt think about it. When we first got married I was sure that he was over machmir about the not talking to women ever thing and I would yell at him about it and he always explained that he would have talked/looked/held the door open it just never occured to him. And then I noticed that he does the same thing if its a man.
My point with this whole megilla is that maybe the husband in the OP is also a bit not with it socially or something. Not that thats a good thing but at least its not abusing halacha.

Ruchel

Wed, Apr 02 2014, 2:10 pm

The cheek kiss (often 3, some 2, some 4 ! LOL) is common in France among certain MO circles. No I don't like it. I got a heter to just make the kiss noise and let the other person do the touching if they won't get it and be mortified. Yes, some will not get it. Shaking hands, even less will get it and I've seen rabbis shaking for shalom (LOL) and not embarrass. No don't ask names, but rest assured some are everything but MO or even JPF.
That's Europe.

Hand kiss, now that's something I haven't seen. Maybe it can happen with old aristocrats over 80? I don't know.

(I HATE when guys come to the women aisle of shul to kiss)

Ruchel

Wed, Apr 02 2014, 2:16 pm

Quote:

This is off topic but I remember going on a date in Israel with a young man who was a BT. Anyways he explained to me that he does not open the door for ladies because it is not tznius.

Yeah, it's useful for him LOL. Like that guy who told me he's a feminist (LOLOL) so he doesn't ever invite. I burst laughing and told him it's not a fit and that was the end. Door would be the same. I may have said nothing if a guy just didn't open a door or maybe even invite... but beshitta? bye.