Anyone else's dh give them a hard time?

amother

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 2:52 pm

It's not like were poor or anything. He just doesn't really "get" that it's a new season and there's a new baby and the older one needs real clothes...
He doesn't let me take kids clothing from others.
I buy really cheap, as cheap as possible. I usually don't go above 10$ for an article of clothing like a top or leggings. Sometimes a lot cheaper.
But I only wash once a week and I like to have lots of things because they get dirty so quickly.
He wants the kids to look nice but still gets upset when he sees the charges. It's like he just doesn't get that these things cost money at all.
His anger usually doesn't last long but it still irks me.
Anyone can relate? Any tips? Besides threatening to take hand-me-downs

1workingmom

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 3:00 pm

Men generally don't understand these things well. My husband also mentioned to me that he sees this month credit card bill is more than usual. So I just answered, its a new season and the kids need clothing. I also speak to him as much as possible how much clothing for the kids cost. When I spot a child wearing an expensive outfit, I always try to point it out to my husband. I don't mean to bash others. Everyone has their limits but I just tell him 'see this kid, I saw it in the stores, it was $65.00 but I chose to buy something cheaper'. He is happy to hear that I do my best in not overspending.
Maybe its possible for someone else other than you to explain it to him?? Sometimes its more effective when he hears it from someone other than his wife.
Good luck to you!

amother

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 3:42 pm

Most husbands are this way and dont understand. Even husbands who are wealthy. They think its a waste of $. My husband tells me not to tell him prices and he tries to stay out of it. Maybe tell your husband your overall clothing budget for the season so that it doesn't seem so daunting to him....and make sure to rub it on how careful you are compared to most people!!!!! Also, tell him that kids who are dressed cute get more attention from people so new clothes are for their social and emotional benefit!!!!!

1workingmom

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 3:44 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

y not do laundry more often? a weeks worth of clothes is a lot for young kids who 1-can go through several outfits a day and 2- change sizes very frequently.

Sorry to disagree with you. I like to have a weeks worth of clothing for my kids. I buy very cheap stuff and its cheaper than to run another cycle in my machine & being busy doing laundry.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 4:06 pm

Maybe if you sell the too-small clothes he will feel better. Perhaps priced by the bag or by the pound, to a thrift shop. In wearable condition and washed first, obviously. You might even put the proceeds in a separate account, and show him how it grows over time, which it will. He can use it for a special purpose, perhaps

Or maybe if you donate the clothes, in a way that brings your family a little praise in the community, he will feel better.

Just managing his perception that it isn't all down the drain, to speak.

amother

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 4:09 pm

what's wrong with hand me downs? I'm not bashing- I just would like to understand.
when I told my dh that some people won't take them he couldn't fathom it. I tried to explain it to him from what I understood but I myself don't fully get it.

MaBelleVie

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 4:21 pm

Sign up for a credit card from the store you shop most often from. You'll get rewards to spend on your purchases there, and you'll end up spending very very little cash. Voila, charges are practically gone Smile

amother

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 4:33 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Op here. Heaven forbid!!! There's no way he will allow something he paid for to leave this house. If something does, I only tell him after the fact or else we'd be living in a dump.
Thank you all for your replies! I'm just relieved to know that this is normal. Yes I tell him all the time how much money I am saving by buying cheap. It helps for a minute but he seems to forget when he sees the charges. And when he says how cute the kids look I remind him how he yelled when I bought the cute stuff. But oh well. He doesn't stay mad for long.

amother

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 4:42 pm

Spinoff - What is a "normal" amount to spend on clothing for children? I aim for under $8-10 per outfit (pants/shirt skirt/shirt / dress) (my kids are little), $7-8 for pajamas. But I just looked at my budget spreadsheet, and see that I'm spending hundreds of dollars on clothing adding it all together! I shop on sales, get a few things for a few dollars at a time, so it's a little here and a little there, and I never realized that I'm spending quite this amount on clothing.
Is this normal? How do all of the expenses that people wrote out not include clothing (For all of us together, including me and DH, who don't buy much, clothing & shoes averages to over $100 a month) I get some hand-me-downs but not much.

Jewishmofm

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 5:01 pm

I HATE shopping (especially for clothes). so I do everybodies everything from head to toe at once. ONCE a year. and then fill in the inevitable "holes" in the warderobe one other time per year. It's part and parcel of living, spending money on clothes. I don't buy particularly cheaply, it adds up to more in terms of not handing it down to others, not lasting out a season of washes, etc.
what's with the new season/new wardrobe? why not build a year round layering wardrobe.

mommy3b2c

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 5:03 pm

Maybe your husband will feel better if you tell him that some people spend over $100 per outfit per kid. Once he hears that, maybe he will realize how amazing you are and stop complaining.

mummiedearest

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 5:08 pm

why not take the hand me downs and not tell your dh about it? does he really know exactly what you had in the kids' drawers before? my dh doesn't notice these things.

I do tell my dh about my clothing purchases because a) he'll notice the charges anyway and b) I often have to brag about how cheaply I got things. it's a hobby of mine. I don't say no to hand me downs though, and I give away what is outgrown/unused.

amother

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 5:11 pm

mommy2b2c wrote:

Maybe your husband will feel better if you tell him that some people spend over $100 per outfit per kid. Once he hears that, maybe he will realize how amazing you are and stop complaining.

Op here, as I said, I tell him but he magically forgets when he sees the charges. But then his memory works just fine when he yells how much I spent already. I guess I'll just learn to
Live with it until he learns to live with it( at which point it'll get even more expensive ofcourse)

flowerpower

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 5:13 pm

Before pesach and succos the bills are much much higher!!!! Unless he is doing the shopping he will notttttt understand the bill. I really don't spend a lot but it still costs a ton! I don't buy my girls robes which saves us at least $200 bucks a season. I just ordered shabbos shoes on 6pm( thanks poster from this site for tha idea) for $35 bucks a pair( and they are cute!!!) instead of the $90 bucks you find in any store. I give myself a price I can spend per shabbos outfit for the girls and stay within that budget. I get pants for my boys at tcp for $10 bucks a pants- coupons and sales. I get pjs for my girls at Old Navy for $7-10 bucks while many people them locally for $25 a pair. But it still adds up- shells, headbands, socks, underwear, clothes for me, and tons more!!!!

Sugar plum

Thu, Mar 27 2014, 5:19 pm

My husband also gets upset when he sees charges, not over the fact that we need something but seeing money leave the account Smile

What works for us is coming up with a budget for all house related expenses ie: food, clothes, incidentals, etc. and transfer that money to a seperate account that only I have access to and he never sees the individual expenses.
This way he considers it a "bill" to pay every month and doesn't have to get upset over every charge.