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Your program is horrible



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Bitachon101




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 27 2014, 11:56 pm
Have you ever done a project or program and put your sweat and blood into it for people to have an amazing experience just to hear in response how horrible it was and what a waste of time it was?
how about how unprofessional or any other obnoxious hurtful judgemental comment?

how do you react to this. You can try to pretend youre above it all but when you are the one who worked so hard on the project - it hurts.

I hate hearing people talk like this in general even when its not my project, but when it is my project, it really hurts.

When people look at your work that you lost sleep over to make it just right and call it a failure, yeah it hurts. Ladies, be careful with the comments that come out of your mouths whether to the person straight or to your friend who tells her friend and it eventually gets back to the person who's program you were disappointed with.

Know that hours of work and effort and lots of money too go into things and your distasteful opinions dont make anyone happier.

Enough said.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 12:20 am
You're right.

I tend to be critical by nature. I usually won't cast broad sweeping generalizations of "that's a waste of time" but I often point out perceived flaws in the name of honesty.

I have been notified (via several embarrassing situations) by Hashem that this is not a good practice!

I am working on trying to view all situations, not just people, positively, and to keep my analysis to myself or to give to the appropriate party as constructive criticism.

If I caused you, or anyone else, any pain, I sincerely apologize. I am working on myself to prevent it from happening again.
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Growing




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 1:31 am
Bitachon101 I will just add that one should also be very careful how they experess themselves about their experiences/feelings regarding other people's hard work in cyberspace.

One has to think very carefully if the publicly posted opinion can cause organizers pain and heartache
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farm




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 8:25 am
I agree with the premise and hope I would not verbalize critical, LH type opinions, but when organizers ask for feedback or potential customers inquire about various programs online, don't they want/need honest feedback to improve for next time or to decide if it is the right fit for them? For example, I followed the Dina Friedman parenting classes thread avidly, trying to decide if it was something that I would gain from. I appreciated every single bit of feedback that was provided at the time- both positive and negative. And if I was Dina Friedman, I think the negative feedback would motivate me to improve various classes and techniques for the future.
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rosehill




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 8:45 am
(((((hugs)))))
I would certainly be sad and crying in your shoes.

It's tempting to be defensive, so vent and complain here, not to the clients in question. To the complainers, you have to try to be "above it all" as you said. Smile and say "thank you for your feedback", or "I'm sorry it didn't work for you". They don't want to hear that you were up all night etc.

Then come on imamother and get support from us.

Hug Hug
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 8:45 am
It is very hurtful to receive negative feedback. But I try to use it as a stepping stone and try to see how I can improve my work. It's really not easy, but if you get into a habit, you can gain a lot professionally.

It might help to know that even the best professionals occasionally do work that is not so good. Also sometimes it's a matter of opinion - some will love it and others won't.

And you're right, some people are just unpleasantly negative and critical.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 8:58 am
I agree that negative feedback is very hurtful, if not told in a positive way.
I did not organize a program or workshop, but I work as a typesetter. I was approached to do a job I knew I could not accomplish very well, but the person would not stop nudging me to do it, so I did. After all the hours I put into it, she said, "This is not acceptable." Of course, I did not charge her for the many hours of work I put into it, but I was heartbroken. Especially since I had told her up front that I was not experienced in that type of brochure she needed done. This happened many years ago, and I still have bad feelings about the way she criticized my work Sad
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4c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 9:07 am
I hear you loud and clear, it is soo hurtful. I used to run some programs that were top quality, but a couple "important" people used to always find something to criticize about to the heads of the organization, who in turn would come down hard on me. I eventually moved on to a better situation, but guess who's complaining now that things aren't good enough anymore. Yup, some people just like to criticize. And criticism has a habit of drowning out all the accolades. Try to ignore it and focus on the positive feedback. I'm sure whatever you did was important and useful and really successful.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 9:32 am
"I hate hearing people talk like this in general even when its not my project" you say.

If you fight tooth and nail against bad talk about other people's programs, it might clear the air for your own.

The Jews kvetched about the mannah, I hear. Oh well. It's a problem. But it isn't new.

Numbers are needed. There need to be a squadron of the silent but numerous who just physically surround a kvetcher and physically come between her and her victim. There is no arguing with a crowd. But verbal confrontation shouldn't be used, because the attacker is good at that, and will give it right back. But the attacker can't be heard over the heads of all the Silent Surrounders.

People do need to remember that G-d has a tape recorder. The technology is not beyond Him.

Perhaps we will hear every complaint re-played to us, at our own judgment, with ourselves the object of it. I don't know.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 28 2014, 9:47 am
Dolly Welsh wrote:
"I hate hearing people talk like this in general even when its not my project" you say.

If you fight tooth and nail against bad talk about other people's programs, it might clear the air for your own.

The Jews kvetched about the mannah, I hear. Oh well. It's a problem. But it isn't new.

Numbers are needed. There need to be a squadron of the silent but numerous who just physically surround a kvetcher and physically come between her and her victim. There is no arguing with a crowd. But verbal confrontation shouldn't be used, because the attacker is good at that, and will give it right back. But the attacker can't be heard over the heads of all the Silent Surrounders.

People do need to remember that G-d has a tape recorder. The technology is not beyond Him.

Perhaps we will hear every complaint re-played to us, at our own judgment, with ourselves the object of it. I don't know.


sorry, Dolly, I had to laugh. I don't think G-d is behind technologically.

op, I don't know what kind of project/presentations you deal with. I can say that I have found real reason to give negative feedback on one particular speaker at an event that was supposed to raise awareness of s-xual abuse/personal safety for children. the presentation was for parents. one of the speakers spoke unclearly, and based on what he said, didn't understand the difference between rape and molestation. I did give negative feedback, and specifically on that speaker. it's quite possible that the man spent hours and days writing that presentation, but it just wasn't good. sometimes we work on something really hard, but it's not within our abilities to do well. I don't know if that is the case with you, but I do think you need to be open to criticism. being a professional is not about having your feelings recognized all the time. it's about getting the job done to satisfaction. if this is a repeated problem, and the criticisms given are legitimate (not something like your hair is the wrong color) then I think you should try to step away from it emotionally and look at it as a professional tool.
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Bitachon101




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 01 2014, 9:47 pm
Thank for your replies.
I am a believer of accepting constructive criticism (though I admit its sometimes a bit of an ouch itself)

But I am not a believer of bashing or telling anyone their hard work was a waste of time.

It helps that I know my efforts were not a waste of time but when ppl publicly announce my efforts as such - its very hurtful.
So yes, I can take criticism to improve my ways. But no, I cannot easily take unappreciative slighting comments in public forums whereas my hard work is squashed to nil.

I'm ok. I got over it. But do me a favor and dont let yourself be the cause of such unthoughtful comments to anyone. Please.
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