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Is gender segregation causing girls to crush on girls?
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 8:01 am
This has been sitting on my brain for a while and I'm trying to make sense of it. Throughout my teen years I had this problem of becoming too attached to my friends. I got rejected many times because the relationship got too intense. Now, reading binah's feature article I'm realizing I'm not the only one this happened to. It got me thinking. Does this ever happen in a co-ed school? Or is it only because girls are kept away from boys so their hormones have nowhere to express themselves? Thoughts??
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 8:04 am
There is a theory like that.
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imamazing




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 8:12 am
Which binah article are you referring to ?
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 8:19 am
It happens a lot less in co-ed schools, I can tell you that.

On the other hand it's hardly abnormal. You should see the letters girls wrote to each other in the 18th century.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 8:22 am
I think parents and schools should be more open about it. I wasn't like you, but I definitely saw others who were and I think if the topic was discussed they would have had better awareness.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 8:22 am
No, it exists also in public school. It's the way some girls relate to other girls.
Those "crushes" may exist more when there is segregation, though.

Boys wise, I feel like it exists "openly" only in places that are sheltered from gay insults. In most public schools nowadays these insults are common so no/few boy is going to openly want to write letters to his friend or walk arm in arm etc. In more insulated schools, I have seen it and heard of it.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 8:25 am
Zehava wrote:
This has been sitting on my brain for a while and I'm trying to make sense of it. Throughout my teen years I had this problem of becoming too attached to my friends. I got rejected many times because the relationship got too intense. Now, reading binah's feature article I'm realizing I'm not the only one this happened to. It got me thinking. Does this ever happen in a co-ed school? Or is it only because girls are kept away from boys so their hormones have nowhere to express themselves? Thoughts??

I believe that this is true, both for boys and girls.
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 8:56 am
imamazing wrote:
Which binah article are you referring to ?

Wings of triumph last week
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amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 9:51 am
I went to co-ed public school and I can assure you this happens there as well.
Even with the popular girls who get lots of attention from boys/ have boy friends, there's a need for that closeness with girls. Having special nicknames calling eachother pretty ect holding hands ect was tottally normal.
So I wouldn't think it's the segregation that causes it but rather Certian personality types coupled with maybe immaturity ? I wouldn't worry
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 9:54 am
I have thought about it in the past, did research, and came to the conclusion that it happens everywhere! Girls become to emotionally attached to friends..in all circles of life.
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causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 9:57 am
I dont buy it.

there will always be those who are gay/lesbian/bisxual/asxual in every society. I don't think gender segregation causes it.

the only thing I will concede on is that someone may be more inclined to try out being gay/lesbian in a situation where its more available but it doesnt change their inherent makeup.
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 9:59 am
there were plenty of crushes in my seminary and some of them crossed the line into s-xual relationships.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 10:13 am
http://www.semgirl.blogspot.co......html

Nuff Said
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 10:23 am
amother wrote:
http://www.semgirl.blogspot.com/2005_06_01_archive.html

Nuff Said


really?

Quote:
Many of the men were wearing very expensive suits and ties, with their 200$ Borsalino hats, and eating with their hands. On the women’s side, everyone was eating the Waldorf salad and extravagant fruit platters so gracefully, Emily Post would be proud. Talk about a ‘Tale of Two Cities’


I have never witnessed such a scene. I've seen piggy sem girls, btw, and married women. And very eidel frimme guys, married or bochur. Many charedi ones also just cannot afford to dress anything but "modestly", cost wise...

I was at a Purim mishte recently and they had the ""great"" idea to separate the tables by gender. I was the ONLY ONE at my table to touch the salads and it even made some laugh nicely, "are you on a diet or what". LOL No I just like salad!
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monseychick




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 10:27 am
Rochel.... No offense, but the blog is about Lakewood

Not France...

All the European charedim I have met are lightyears ahead of their American and col schein 1000x , Israeli peers , in savoir faire and manners...
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amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 10:29 am
Im the narrator of the article and am finding it very interesting to read this.

was it caused by that? maybe... but otherwise I wouldve been out with boys... is that better?? Tongue Out Surprised Cool
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 10:34 am
I feel that it's definitely more of an issue in all-girl environments because that's all we get to associate with. I also had a relationship with someone that was a bit more intense than it should have been and I was the one to end it in the end but I definitely see how it happened.
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Imhappy!




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 10:39 am
amother wrote:
Im the narrator of the article and am finding it very interesting to read this.

was it caused by that? maybe... but otherwise I wouldve been out with boys... is that better?? Tongue Out Surprised Cool


this.

when we segregate we protect.

having an affair ( wtvr intensity) with a female still doesnt halachikly compare to a male.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 10:40 am
I know of one too many relationships that crossed 'the line'. I even know of a seminary that ended up giving one of their recent alumni a stafflike position (not madricha but along those lines) and she was a real predator.

I would think it comes from the changes in both secular society and our own. Our girls are getting married later (ie not 14-16, not that this is a bad thing, just fact...) and society provides a very full exposure to innuendo and s-xual ideas. In other words these girls are 'turned on' and have no outlet on the horizon.

That being said anyone who knows a girl going through this probably knows a girl who comes from an unhealthy home and a dysfunctional relationship with mom/dad.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 31 2014, 10:43 am
monseychick wrote:
Rochel.... No offense, but the blog is about Lakewood

Not France...

All the European charedim I have met are lightyears ahead of their American and col schein 1000x , Israeli peers , in savoir faire and manners...


so maybe the problem is not gender separation? Because nowadays almost all charedi schools strive to separate at least before bar/bat. True, outside of school the separation isn't as stringent as what I read on Imamother, though.
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