being invited out-do you offer to make something?

amother

Thu, Apr 03 2014, 11:02 am

I didn't offer when I first got married because I was clueless but I brought something, usually dessert. When we went to my husbands yeshiva for Rosh Hashana and ate out six meals I brought wine for all our hosts. His other friends wives mentioned that they made stuff. That was the first time I ever heard of such a thing. I haven't been to "strangers" since but have started making meals together with my sil more often. With her I'm scared to offer because she will invite me and then when I ask what to bring she may list the whole meal (I'll say something like I have soup in the freezer and I can bring shnitzel and kugel and she'll say if I want to throw in a salad that would be great...when she comes to me she brings a candy tray).

Applekugel

Thu, Apr 03 2014, 11:14 am

I either offer to make something or buy something. It depends on what's going on in my life, time wise that week. For close friends, I'll buy something nice like a new cookbook and tell them that it's a birthday, thank you and good friend present all in one!! It's fun to get presents just because! The last resort is a bottle of wine! I hate those candy platters!! Kids are on a sugar high the whole shabbos.

willow

Thu, Apr 03 2014, 11:36 am

Lady Godiva wrote:

I always offer to make a dish or a dessert. If the hostess says it's not necessary, I bring a bottle of wine, usually with a dessert or a salad or dip. I hate going anywhere empty-handed.

Yep always with something in hand if they don't want me to help I bring flowers or wine or candy.

MiracleMama

Thu, Apr 03 2014, 12:27 pm

Either to make or to pick up (wine, challah or desserts from bakery, fruit platter, etc.) and often I am told no but I still don't come empty handed. If they really insist they need nothing for the meal I'll send flowers or bring a nice serving dish or some similar hostess gift.

MMCH

Thu, Apr 03 2014, 12:58 pm

wow so many replies!

in my mind, (and community) its a given you'll bring SOMETHING, a bottle of wine, a candy dish, flowers, wtvr.
I was wondering if you offer to make something in ADDITION.

We recently moved, in the previous community, everyone took you up on the offer to make something...where I am now, no one has ever offered, but always bring a bottle of wine.

wiki

Thu, Apr 03 2014, 2:04 pm

This is very heavily based on the protocol of the community.

Growing up, people didn't ask to make anything, and bringing a gift at all was TOTALLY optional. (We wouldn't think twice if a guest brought nothing.) It was considered standard-fare thoughtfulness to bring something, but usually not home-made. People would bring wine or flowers or candy to go along with dessert, but nothing that shook up the menu and frequently (if food), guests would bring their item as a surprise to the meal itself. (Then when I went to seminary and offered a pack of cheap cookies as a hostess gift, I quickly learned that many communities have less laid-back expectations in this regard!)

In my current community, everyone asks what they can bring, and everyone accepts the offer, usually suggesting a specific menu category that would round out the meal. It is rude not to offer to make something. In my community it is even expected that if you are bringing wine or candy to let the host know in advance.