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We slept on the living room floor
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amother


 

Post Tue, Apr 08 2014, 6:02 pm
amother wrote:
Please do. I vote for the rubber gloves.

and here we go again.... Rolling Eyes I'm the glove amother and there is no way in the whole wide world that I wud invite ppl and put them to slp on the floor. sorry. wat you do in your own bedroom can be super weird to other ppl but at least its in the privacy of your own bedroom. it doesnt affect other ppl. if both spouses are happy, is gut. but this is super disgusting in a social way, not respecting other ppl, putting out your weirdness to strangers....
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amother


 

Post Tue, Apr 08 2014, 6:19 pm
Not in the same category but... we were hosted for Shabbos, and given a nice little basement apartment for ourselves. Our children were to be hosted by another family across the street. One of my children was offered a bed in the host's children's room and looked pleadingly at me. Well, I said, I think maybe he's going to stay with us...

Not sure if they were trying to be nice & offer us "newlywed" accommodations, but my child clearly wasn't comfortable becoming instant friends with this stranger.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 08 2014, 6:26 pm
sequoia wrote:
If you don't have the facilities, just say no.


I've been in situations where I've given a room to someone who drop-landed in cleveland - yet they complained to other people that there was no hot water [they were supposed to come upstairs to shower] - said I wasn't kosher enough to eat by [you know I eat pork cholov stam] [even though they devoured the expensive cholov yisrael I bought for their kids it was outside of my home ... kashered my oven and offered to grill on fire and got paper goods to cook/eat their shechita on] [& then proceeded to eat by the abusive dxh who looks the part] ...

I've had other people where I set them up in a more appropriate home for shabbos & never talked to me again because I didn't open my home to them [maybe I don't even really know] yet I just felt my home wouldn't suffice for their comfort or needs being from 'poshland - usa' ... on the side I did as much as I could do for them during their stay

then I've had a big family camp out partly in sleeping bags on the floor & partly in beds & thought it the most FUN time ever - on both sides !!!

sometimes you cannot win
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Smiling Wife




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 08 2014, 6:42 pm
Sorry I dont think the hosting family is to blame, the baalei simcha are the hosts, they are supposed to host their guests by placing them in suitable accommodations, to ensure you are taken care of, to send sheets if needed, to ask the family if they have everything needed. I can imagine the family saying no and the baalei simcha pressuring them " dont worry, sleeping bags will do" etc Rolling Eyes
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 1:15 am
amother wrote:
Not in the same category but... we were hosted for Shabbos, and given a nice little basement apartment for ourselves. Our children were to be hosted by another family across the street. One of my children was offered a bed in the host's children's room and looked pleadingly at me. Well, I said, I think maybe he's going to stay with us...

Not sure if they were trying to be nice & offer us "newlywed" accommodations, but my child clearly wasn't comfortable becoming instant friends with this stranger.

I think that if you are being offered free accommodations, you need to be flexible.

Granted, the living room campsite is over the line, but I don't think that offering a child a bed in a room with other children (presumably reasonably close in age to your child) is unreasonable. These are people's homes, they offer you what they have.

If you are very particular about your sleeping arrangements, pony up for a hotel room.
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 3:05 am
2 things:

When I made a simcha in August in Israel (read: HOT HOT HOT), a friend called and offered to host. She went into great detail about how many beds she had and how many people she could host. Well, imagine my surprise when my cousins told me there was NO AIR CONDITIONING!!!! I live in a very American neighborhood and this woman lives in a beautiful home and it never occurred to me that her basement wouldn't be air conditioned (the rest of her house is!!)

On the flip side we were once hosted in a beautiful home with a lovely private room, private bathroom and ONE bed. For a frum simcha in a frum community. Luckily I was pregnant (but no one knew yet)!

OP I sympathize with you-- I don't think I could have handled that- don't know why people would agree to host if they clearly didn't have even the most basic accommodations.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 3:39 am
We slept on floors and had guests who slept on our floors and noone thought it was strange. Everyone was informed in advance, it was clean, blowup matrasses with either fresh Linnen/sheets/pillows/blankets or clean sleepingbags. Noone was offendet. B"H our house is big enough to have guests but we still didn't manage to furnish it completly, so we don't have enough beds. I try to compensate by offering a beautiful breakfast, nosh for the kids, own set of keys (to be flexible and not dependant on us), enough towels etc. Ones we hosted a couple and the man had a backinjury, we offered them our bedroom and we slept on the floor next to our dd's crib. But usually guests, that stay a couple of nights handle the floor well. Many guests returned, so I doubt they hated the accomodation. we usually don't expect more when ppl let us sleep over.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 4:14 am
there is a difference between mattresses on the floor or directly on the floor.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 4:41 am
heidi wrote:
2 things:

When I made a simcha in August in Israel (read: HOT HOT HOT), a friend called and offered to host. She went into great detail about how many beds she had and how many people she could host. Well, imagine my surprise when my cousins told me there was NO AIR CONDITIONING!!!! I live in a very American neighborhood and this woman lives in a beautiful home and it never occurred to me that her basement wouldn't be air conditioned (the rest of her house is!!)



Everyone has their own line what they consider adequate accommodations. Some of the replies here, like the poster who couldn't believe her child was being put up with another child in the same room, seem to show me that there are people here who live in a different (luxurious) reality and don't even understand how other people live in their day to day lives. Not everyone has mansions with guest rooms and en suite bathrooms. They do their best with what they have.

Your airconditioning story reminded me of my own. A neighbor asked to borrow our apartment for her guests and I willingly cleaned, organized, put out clean sheets and towels etc. before going away. When I came back I saw nothing had been moved, so I asked her. She told me that the guests didn't stay there in the end since there was no AC (we don't have AC). Last time I did her such a "favor".
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 6:49 am
People who are being hosted by strangers are entitled to their own accommodations. I'm not talking about going to your sister for shabbos and cousins sleeping in the same room-- why would a kid want to sleep with a stranger?
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 6:53 am
If you can't accomodate, don't invite.
I don't mean someone in the street unless you invite. I mean inviting stam.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 7:07 am
Totally not into guests for the very reasons posted on this thread. I'm not a hotel and don't like to be treated like a hotel clerk. Rolling Eyes

I'll stick with hosting foster kids who don't care where they sleep as long as they're safe.

And for those times that I've been a guest, I bitteled my needs as much as possible to make things as easy as possible on the hostess.

If I would have to sleep on the floor with my family, we'd make it a fun experience. It's all in attitude. To me, there is something to be learned from such a situation. Hashem put you there, OP, for some reason, apparently to test you. I seriously doubt, StripedFlower, that a person is meant to glean from that experience that those hosts are disgusting awful people or even that the relative is a jerk.

Maybe the lesson learned is to lighten up and appreciate your life where you are able to never-do-such-a-thing because you're perfect or wealthy.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 7:11 am
chani8 wrote:
Totally not into guests for the very reasons posted on this thread. I'm not a hotel and don't like to be treated like a hotel clerk. Rolling Eyes

And for those times that I've been a guest, I bitteled my needs as much as possible to make things as easy as possible on the hostess. .


That. When I see what people demand! and on the other hand, what some dare to propose...

Maybe I'm old school on this but....
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 7:25 am
chani8 wrote:
Totally not into guests for the very reasons posted on this thread. I'm not a hotel and don't like to be treated like a hotel clerk. Rolling Eyes

I'll stick with hosting foster kids who don't care where they sleep as long as they're safe.

And for those times that I've been a guest, I bitteled my needs as much as possible to make things as easy as possible on the hostess.

If I would have to sleep on the floor with my family, we'd make it a fun experience. It's all in attitude. To me, there is something to be learned from such a situation. Hashem put you there, OP, for some reason, apparently to test you. I seriously doubt, StripedFlower, that a person is meant to glean from that experience that those hosts are disgusting awful people or even that the relative is a jerk.

Maybe the lesson learned is to lighten up and appreciate your life where you are able to never-do-such-a-thing because you're perfect or wealthy.


I thought,the lesson learned is that visiting places has its price...
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 8:10 am
imaima wrote:
I thought,the lesson learned is that visiting places has its price...

challenges, not price
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 8:57 am
chani8 wrote:
challenges, not price


I mean that if you want hotel-quality accomodations, you need to stay in a hotel..
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deena19k




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 9:20 am
chani8 wrote:
Totally not into guests for the very reasons posted on this thread. I'm not a hotel and don't like to be treated like a hotel clerk. Rolling Eyes

I'll stick with hosting foster kids who don't care where they sleep as long as they're safe.

And for those times that I've been a guest, I bitteled my needs as much as possible to make things as easy as possible on the hostess.

If I would have to sleep on the floor with my family, we'd make it a fun experience. It's all in attitude. To me, there is something to be learned from such a situation. Hashem put you there, OP, for some reason, apparently to test you. I seriously doubt, StripedFlower, that a person is meant to glean from that experience that those hosts are disgusting awful people or even that the relative is a jerk.

Maybe the lesson learned is to lighten up and appreciate your life where you are able to never-do-such-a-thing because you're perfect or wealthy.


Really really like this.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 10:07 am
Raisin wrote:
there is a difference between mattresses on the floor or directly on the floor.


OP did not specify whether matresses were provided. I assumed they were, otherwise, why did they not sleep on a couch?

I also wonder whether the room was open plan or whether it had a door.

There is quite a difference between matresses on the floor of a room with a door that could be closed and no matresses on the floor of an open plan room. Both require advance warning of the conditions IMO, but still.

This thread is interesting to me because I was recently asked to host an overseas guest for a weekend. She speaks the same language as me which is why we were asked to host her instead of one of the families who has a bigger house. When we were asked to host, our friend said "even a blanket on a couch will be fine." We said we have a good quality air matress (with bedding!) and a lockable living room in which we could host but I now wonder if the guest had been told that her friend was telling potential hosts that she would take a couch with a blanket!

I've only been an overnight guest once and it was clear that the wife had not been consulted until after the husband had agreed to host me. It was pretty awkward for me and after I heard them arguing I offered to go and stay in a local guesthouse but they insisted I should stay, which was awkward in itself.

It sounds to me as if this family were heavily persuaded to take guests. Were they involved in the simcha?
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amother


 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 10:38 am
amother wrote:
Everyone has their own line what they consider adequate accommodations. Some of the replies here, like the poster who couldn't believe her child was being put up with another child in the same room, seem to show me that there are people here who live in a different (luxurious) reality and don't even understand how other people live in their day to day lives. Not everyone has mansions with guest rooms and en suite bathrooms. They do their best with what they have.

Your airconditioning story reminded me of my own. A neighbor asked to borrow our apartment for her guests and I willingly cleaned, organized, put out clean sheets and towels etc. before going away. When I came back I saw nothing had been moved, so I asked her. She told me that the guests didn't stay there in the end since there was no AC (we don't have AC). Last time I did her such a "favor".

Air conditioning is a big deal. Most people, at least Americans, need it. I was invited somewhere in middle of July for shabbos and we found out that there was no air conditioning when we got there (didn't occur to us to ask! I can't imagine the hosts didn't notice because they had the air conditioning on in their own room full blast (not saying they should have given us the more comfortable accommodations just that they realized it was hot and it may not be the best time to invite us with no AC)). They've invited us back since but quite frankly I'm not interested in staying in a place with no AC in the hot weather. Otherwise they were great hosts.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 09 2014, 10:51 am
heidi wrote:
People who are being hosted by strangers are entitled to their own accommodations. I'm not talking about going to your sister for shabbos and cousins sleeping in the same room-- why would a kid want to sleep with a stranger?

You're not **entitled** to private apartments or luxury accommodations. Unless you pay for a hotel room.
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