Pesach Etiquette | Imamother

amother

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 1:15 am

Dear Neighbor,
I am so glad that you are the most machmir person in the building regarding Pesach and you get everything done weeks in advance.
It's really nice that you don't let your kids eat chametz in the apartment : But it's not so nice to have them eating in the stairwell unsupervised causing bugs and cats to swarm to our apartment.
It's really nice that you move all of your chametz kitchen to the roof so it won't be near your Pesach kitchen But it's not so nice to move furniture all hours of the night when people are trying to sleep. I would think asking for 12:00 to be the limit of heavy noise is reasonable even though it is a week b4 Pesach.
It’s a nice idea to wash your windows the roof of your apartment in case you got chametz there
But when your windows are right over my laundry porch throwing muddy water down without asking causes me a great deal of extra work and aggravation when I have to redo my laundry
It is great that your house is already clean for Pesach But please don’t send your kids to knock on my door asking to wash their hands b/c you don’t want them traipsing in with Chametz.
Thank you!
Your [ Non Machmir Last minute neighbor]

seeker

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 1:30 am

OMG that is mighty self-centered. Sorry you have to deal with this. Have you tried asking these things of your neighbor directly? Such as to let you know before washing the windows that are right above you?

amother

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 2:07 am

I ask her every yr and each time she apologizes , explains to me y its too late to change this year, and then does the same thing the next year.
maybe nxt yr I need to b proactive and discuss before pesach.
example: dear neighbor, my kids woke up 3 times last night from all of the noise. would it b possible to do it earlierr in the day.
her: I am sorry but this yr I already got buchrim to help me from 10-3 for the next 3 nights . its too late to change the schedule.

me: pls dont have ur kids knock on the door to wash their hands. I really dont have time+energy for their mess.

her: well I already cleaned my house so they need to wash their hands somewhere.

seeker

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 2:14 am

Well, since this has been recurring every year then definitely bring it up at Purim time next year.

Meanwhile, whether she cleaned her house or not you don't need to let her kids in to wash up on your turf. She decided to clean early, she needs to figure out how to deal with it. Let her keep a pack of wipes at the door. Whatever. She didn't ask your agreement before, she has no right to depend on you now. When they knock on the door either ignore them or tell them it's not a good time for them to come in and they'll have to go elsewhere. Because you discussed this already, they will have to get the idea.

Is there a landlord who can help with the noise situation? Sorry, but it is not OK to hire people to make noise until 3 AM. Can they do noisy jobs from 10-12 and quieter jobs later? Or stay away from the areas above your bedrooms during the later hours?

And there is ZERO excuse why she can't pick up the phone and let you know she's about to pour water out her windows in 5 minutes so you have time to take in your wash. Laundry is very sensitive to me because if I hate doing it once, I certainly don't want to re-do it right after. I would have a very very hard time forgiving someone who did that to me!

grace413

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 3:02 am

Do not continue to allow this woman to walk all over you.

Do not let her children into your house. They are not your responsibility and your home is not a public restroom.

It's great to help out neighbors but this woman is taking undue advantage of your kind nature.

Next year send her a letter around Tu B'Shvat that you will be calling police/taking her to Beis Din/calling the New York Times/sprinkling chametz in her mailbox if she dares to make noise after 11 pm, sends her kids to your door once and gets even one drop of dirty water on your laundry.

Dina_B613

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 3:29 am

Wow - I'm so sorry! Normally it's the last minute people making all the noise. Yeah, it doesn't matter if it's too late for her to change the schedule - it's really unacceptable. She KNOWS that people sleep at 3 a.m. - every year, why on earth would you hire bochurim to come from 10-3 and think your neighbors would be OK with it?

rising hero

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 5:38 am

I feel sorry for you that you have her as a neighbor! But people don't (usually) develop such behavior overnight. Unless its a common erev pesach thing... Do you have to deal with her year round too? How?

I don't have any good advice for you cuz I'm not very nice to selfish people...

amother

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 6:03 am

Madam F. wrote:

I feel sorry for you that you have her as a neighbor! But people don't (usually) develop such behavior overnight. Unless its a common erev pesach thing... Do you have to deal with her year round too? How?j

I don't have any good advice for you cuz I'm not very nice to selfish people...

yes. we get into these type of confrontations all the time. I am generally easy to get along with but this neighbor really drives me up the wall with all of these "small"requests. she doesnt understand the concept of thinking of others.

33055

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 6:53 am

grace413 wrote:

ITA but I wouldn't wait for next year. Too bad but this stops now. Personally I would make it no noise after 10.

MiracleMama

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 7:12 am

Wow, what a neighbor! Maybe I should be embarrassed to say this, but if she continued to act this way after making many kind requests, I think I'd resort to something very hostile and immature like throwing bread crumbs up onto her rooftop and in front of her door.

Cookie Monster

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 7:35 am

MiracleMama wrote:

You are very nice. I would "accidentally" lock the door leading to the rooftop while she's up there!

amother

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 8:19 am

I'm so with you , op. I live in Israel, in an aprt, and for the past week there is noise at all hours of the day and night - people carrying furniture, drilling into walls and most of all- vacuuming. It's driving me nuts. My DC has been waking up every single night , at least once, from the noise. It's not one particular neighbor - it's everyone it seems! I don't know why but it seems that it's totally normal here to make ton of noise at 2:30 am Erev pessach. It's driving me crazy!
No real advice becasye I know that as easy as it is to tell you to be nasty back to her (which you should) - IRL it ain't so simple.

grace413

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 8:43 am

Now that I know you are in Israel (I'm also in Israel) I would be even more assertive/aggressive just because that's the way things work here.

We all know that OP is not going to lock the neighbor on the roof or throw chametz into her apartment, tempting thou it is. However, do not those kids in your apartment and tell her that you will call police if there is noise after 11 pm (that;s the legal time for stopping noise). And don't be meek and apologetic; learn to make a nasty face and speak sternly.

black and white

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 11:14 am

I echo all the posts that said not to let the kids into your house to wash their hands.
If she was a considerate neighbour, I would say ok but from all you describe, the noise until late at night and the water in your laundry room she gets no sympathy from me, sorry.
SHOCHEN TOV.. We should especially strive to achieve that before Yomim Tovim when everybody has their own stress and workload!
I send you lots of hugs..