How do you tell ladies not to bring babies to simcha?

amother

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 4:33 pm

timeout wrote:

Hi, just adding my situation....................my son will I'H be Bar Mitzva this September. I have a lot of sister in laws with 7 to 11 kids per family. Most who bring there children will watch them, but I have 2 sister in laws who sit at the table and let there kids do whatever including flood the bathroom at one simcha and pour salt into there cousins drinks and be very chutzpadik to adults who said to stop.

I want to hear my sons speech without screaming and I want to enjoy without stress. Any ideas???

adding my two sense in. by my DD's wedding, a guest came over to me holding her screeching toddler to wish me mazel tov. The baby got my gown dirty(very visibly, if I may add) by grabbing at me. And then proceeded to pull at my DDs hair pulling her hairdo out of place. No offense, I definitely would have appreciated her staying home with her toddler, than taking him off schedule, having him screech through the kabbalas panim and chuppah

amother

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 4:48 pm

chana_f wrote:

Can strollers be left where people would hang up their coats? Is there a little space off to the side where you could direct people to leave strollers? Or, could you move the mechitza a bit so the ladies' section gets a little bigger and the men squish a little more?

OP here: The ladies section can't be expanded because of permanent walls. The ladies will want to put their babies in strollers. They won't hold them unless they are fussing.

amother

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 4:54 pm

Raisin wrote:

in that case, if my baby would not take a bottle, (or a very tiny baby who needs to nurse often) I would call the baalas simcha and explain it is me with baby or not at all. If she says don't come at all I guess I would not come, and to be honest lose all respect for said person.

Like I said, I would never make such a request of my guests. The OP has to be prepared to lose friends by this request. But she seems not to care. (Maybe thats why people don't treat her nicely?)

I am treated no worse by this crowd than anyone else. If someone wants to end their friendship over this then they were never my friend. Why is it considered a friendship ending event to want one nice evening without babies?

Raisin

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 6:34 pm

amother wrote:

its a reasonable request, but if for some reason a woman is unable to come at all without her baby she may feel you prefer this over her presence. What if your daughter or sister had a nursing baby they were unable to leave at home. Would you want them not to come?

I don't think I have ever been at any simcha (and I have been at many not frum ones) where no babies or young children at all were present. there are usually a few.

greenfire

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 6:39 pm

timeout wrote:

pay one of the more responsible cousins to watch them ... or better yet hire a 'kid sitter' or 2 to keep them all occupied during the speeches with a game or something else going on in another room - this way it's quiet & maybe they could be kept out of the bathrooms

or hire as well a bathroom waiter - that mans the door and hands out paper towels [& mints] - so she keeps the kids out

scrltfr

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 6:45 pm

greenfire wrote:

Why should she spend more money to accommodate people that have no regard for her wishes? I wanted no kids except nieces and nephews at my wedding and none were infants. One person brought their toddler and it upset me a lot!

greenfire

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 7:12 pm

scrltfr wrote:

she said they were her family members and it was to get her wish for orderliness fulfilled despite all the disregard & lack of parenting

MaBelleVie

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 7:20 pm

Raisin wrote:

If OP is having a small ladies section and ten ladies bring babies, it becomes a nursery, not a bar mitzvah. Talking about sisters or daughters is irrelevant, as they are non relatives. I honestly would not be offended if I understood that I would not be welcome with an infant in tow. It isn't me personally, it's babies. Everyone's babies.

amother

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 7:21 pm

Raisin wrote:

I would prefer someone who is not a relative or close friend stay home rather than come with their baby.

I would be delighted for my relative to come if the baby was my grandchild or niece or nephew. I would expect them there.

I also have never been to a frum simcha in my community that is not overrun with babies and small children. My family simchas limit babies to those of immediate family which is manageable.

amother

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 7:26 pm

greenfire wrote:

she said they were her family members and it was to get her wish for orderliness fulfilled despite all the disregard & lack of parenting

The babies are not family. The babies who are worrying me don't belong to close friends. I can speak to my close friends who are similar to me. 3 of the babies belong to my very close friends. I don't anticipate any hostility.

PAMOM

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 7:41 pm

Adding my $.02 here. I've been to
plenty of simchas where children were explicitly not invited. Was it inconvenient for some? Sure. Were friends lost? Nope.

amother

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 7:45 pm

PAMOM wrote:

Adding my $.02 here. I've been to
plenty of simchas where children were explicitly not invited. Was it inconvenient for some? Sure. Were friends lost? Nope.

How did they do it? Was it done by invitation or phone call?

ectomorph

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 7:46 pm

Didn't read the whole thread.

Just don't invite them.

But honestly, it doesn't sound like a very Jewish attitude. We love children and are willing to deal with the mess because we know that the more neshamos (souls) who participate in our simchas, the better.

amother

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 7:49 pm

PAMOM wrote:

Adding my $.02 here. I've been to
plenty of simchas where children were explicitly not invited. Was it inconvenient for some? Sure. Were friends lost? Nope.

How did they do it? Was it done by invitation or phone call?

greenfire

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 7:49 pm

amother wrote:

not you OP but rather the person I quoted earlier - the one with a lot of siblings each with a lot of kids

Maya

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 7:58 pm

ectomorph wrote:

How do we know that? It sounds like a ridiculous ideal.

octopus

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 9:47 pm

manyhats wrote:

Word it gracefully. Small intimate simcha . So sorry that we can not accamodate children under 13.

this.

"due to space restrictions, we request that no one bring their children or babies. Adults and bar mitzvah aged boys only."

amother

Wed, Apr 23 2014, 10:03 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Not everyone loves children and not everyone wants to deal with the mess. Some live children, but not at their simchas.