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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Giving Gifts
What would you rather get as a kallah?
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| Small diamond ring and no other jewelry pieces (e.g. earrings, necklace, bracelet, watch) |
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48% |
[ 48 ] |
| Nice-sized CZ ring with all other jewelry pieces (you're aware it's a CZ, not diamond) |
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52% |
[ 52 ] |
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| Total Votes : 100 |
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mandr
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 Thu, Apr 24 2014, 1:49 pm
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We were discussing this on Yom Tov and wondering what other people's opinions are.
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acemom
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 2:02 pm
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I didn't choose my diamond ring, but I love wearing it. I would forgo all other jewelry and get custom instead, but I would want a real diamond for my ring.
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greenfire
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 2:06 pm
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where's the option of a diamond that you don't spend all your monies on ... it exists - you merely have to look around
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MaBelleVie
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 2:07 pm
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In hindsight, I would be thrilled with tasteful cz's. As a kallah, I don't know that I would have felt the same.
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groovy1224
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 2:13 pm
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I'm the kind of person that cares too much about what others think, even though I shouldn't. So I would prefer tasteful CZ jewelry instead of getting a very small diamond. Especially since a CZ stone can be swapped out for a diamond once the couple has more money.
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suzyq
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 2:14 pm
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I got a beautiful diamond ring and no other jewelry when I was engaged. I was perfectly fine with that (my DH was paying for everything, no parents involved) and was actually thrilled with my ring. I'm not very into jewelry though and rarely wear anything else besides my ring these days even though I have a couple other nice pieces (between my baby and my toddler, it's difficult to keep a piece of jewelry from being grabbed and pulled). I would prefer a nice quality ring over a bunch of cheap stuff, but I'm not sure every 19-year-old getting engaged would feel the same.
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pesek zman
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 2:14 pm
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I always wanted ONLY a really beautiful (and I don't necessarily mean large) engagement ring. Never wanted anything else. BH I had all the jewelry I wanted. Made that clear to my (now) Husband when we were getting engaged, and I picked out a ring and a setting that I love. He insisted on buying me yichid room present (which I fought him on) (which I ended up choosing: pear earrings) I'm thrilled to have a few pieces that I love rather than several random ones that I don't.
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Scrabble123
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 2:19 pm
[There is an opinion in halacha that you are not allowed to wear anything fake that appears or is copying real. That means that no silver jewelry as in the Torah jewelry was Gold or Platinum. I don't know how accepted this opinion is (although I know people who follow it), but I am just writing it here to add some information.]
I would take a very nice wedding band in platinum (or a higher karat gold if the other side insisted - but I do not go for gold) instead of all of the other jewelry. I would like to have the best quality rather than try to save money by going with cheaper replacements of lesser quality of fake materials. I wouldn't need necklaces, pins, earrings, etc. I wouldn't buy silver or fake jewelry for children either.
As for other people, if they are happy with it, I have no problem at all. I know many people who have a CZ. While I do not understand the need for it, obviously those who have it do, and I respect/understand that.
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Frumdoc
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 2:38 pm
We chose diamond engagement ring together, it is small compared to many of my yeshivish friend's rings but my dh paid for it himself, and it is all the more precious for being his gift to me, not his parents' money. It is also a unique design, made by a jeweller designer and exactly what I wanted. I love it, but only wear it for shabbos and yomtov because I can't wear anything except a plain band for work.
I wasn't expecting anything else, but got a family heirloom pearl necklace as a yichud room present. It is very special, and again quite unusual. I have no idea how much it is worth. I bought myself pearl earrings to match, which is what I wanted to do and never asked for any other jewellery. My dh would not have known to buy me anything else, and his parents don't believe in spending money on jewellery or presents.
My preference is always for a small number of special pieces rather than a box full of cheap or even expensive jewellery that means nothing. Gifts are not my dh's forte, so each time he buys me anything is very very special. It's the way I like it.
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mandr
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 2:59 pm
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I like having different pieces of jewelry to wear so I would take a CZ. I once heard the reasoning behind a real diamond ring for marriage was that in case the couple would be too financially burdened, they'd be able to sell the ring. Even within diamonds, I'd much rather a nice showy stone sacrificing quality than a tiny perfect stone. The value for me is in the fact that my husband got me the ring (or other jewelry) for our marriage, not in the stone itself.
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doctorima
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 3:33 pm
[quote="Scrabble123"][There is an opinion in halacha that you are not allowed to wear anything fake that appears or is copying real. That means that no silver jewelry as in the Torah jewelry was Gold or Platinum. I don't know how accepted this opinion is (although I know people who follow it), but I am just writing it here to add some information.]
I've never heard of this. Do you have a source for it? I understand that there's a problem if the chosson gives the kallah something that looks real but is fake, but just to wear something that's not real - are you saying that all costume jewelry is asur?
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Scrabble123
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 3:35 pm
[quote="doctorima"] | Scrabble123 wrote: | [There is an opinion in halacha that you are not allowed to wear anything fake that appears or is copying real. That means that no silver jewelry as in the Torah jewelry was Gold or Platinum. I don't know how accepted this opinion is (although I know people who follow it), but I am just writing it here to add some information.]
I've never heard of this. Do you have a source for it? I understand that there's a problem if the chosson gives the kallah something that looks real but is fake, but just to wear something that's not real - are you saying that all costume jewelry is asur? |
Costume jewelry that is made to look fake with big fake beads is acceptable because it is not fooling anyone. Silver jewelry that is made to look like gold is an issue, as is fake pearls, silver jewelry bichlal, fake diamonds & other stones, etc.
I will IYH get you the source, as I have a few friends who hold of this opinion.
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Never give up
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 3:41 pm
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I voted for a real diamond even if its small, I would have voted this way even if the option didnt include the other jewelry, I cant stand fake jewelry
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papermageling
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 5:27 pm
I got a large diamond that was my husband's bubbe's ring. I like it for the sentimental value, but I find it hard to wear something so expensive and flashy, and am hoping to put it in safe keeping so that I can pass it on to a child or grandchild. I'm petrified of losing it.
If my husband had bought the ring, I would have wanted to have a good quality setting that I picked out, but I'd be just as happy with CZ or moissanite as diamond. They all look and function about the same in jewelry. We're newlyweds and not in the greatest financial position (although thankfully things are looking up!), so it would be irresponsible to buy even a very modest diamond.
Last edited by papermageling on Fri, Apr 25 2014, 3:29 am; edited 1 time in total
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Kitten
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 5:41 pm
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Anything would make me happy.
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dee's mommy
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 5:44 pm
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I chose the real small ring. Neither my husband and I grew up frum, so when the time came, all that ever occurred to me as the traditional gift was a ring, and that was it. I have no problem with small, and I didn't want a big stone to flash around and make others jealous. I just wanted the ring for me.
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Scrabble123
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Thu, Apr 24 2014, 5:51 pm
| Kitten wrote: | | Anything would make me happy. |
Kitten, I wish to personally and publicly commend you.
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amother
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Fri, Apr 25 2014, 2:38 am
None of the above isnt an option?
I do not like solitaire diamonds or jewelry that showcases a single diamond, and much prefer other precious stones. My ring is not a diamond, it's something I made clear from the time I was a teenager and let my chosson/inlaws know very clearly. And I did not want a large stone, though I had no real choice over the design besides the stone and they tried to find it in the cut I really wanted, then the jeweler is also a designer and she designed what she felt suited the stone they were able to get.
Diamonds are lovely as part of a piece of jewelry, but not as the centerpiece.
My not so humble opinion 
if stuck with the choice- quality over quantity. I do not like "fake" jewelry, though I never knew there was a halachic ruling on it. I'd take a small, perfect diamond over CZ any time.
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Ruchel
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Fri, Apr 25 2014, 7:30 am
I would take (good) fake over tiny diamong.
That said, my velt doesn't do yichud room gift or random bracelets etc during engagement, so there's only the big expensive of the engagement ring... and in my times everyone received different, there was no rat race.
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amother
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Fri, Apr 25 2014, 7:57 am
It's hard to say. I have a pretty flawed diamond that is just under a carat. I wish it was bigger and less flawed though I'd probably take more flawed and bigger. I know I shouldn't care if it's a CZ but I probably would.
The funny thing is that I got a very simple bracelet (I told him not to bother but he insisted) that I felt looked more like a bas mitzvah present than kallah bracelet. I was embarrassed to show it off at the vort because I didn't want people thinking badly of him and it's DEFINITELY not on par with what the kallah bracelets look like these days. The thing is he was told it has to be gold and diamonds which apparently it is (though when he told me that I tried really hard to find the diamonds and couldn't lol). The thing is, he was previously engaged and last time he got what looked like regular kallah bracelet but he was able to afford it because it was silver. He didn't want to do that again. I think I would have preferred that at the time (now I don't care...no one is asking to see my kallah bracelet anymore and I love that he sacrificed to get me something). But when it comes to going cheaper for a bigger stone....I think I'll still stick with the diamond (keep in mind they can get REALLY small!!).
Also, I don't think the poll options add up properly. The other jewelry that's typical (pearls or diamond necklace in yichud room, diamond earings, bracelet etc can add up to way more than a simple diamond ring (avg for 1ct flawed diamond with simple gold setting is approx $2k where I live). Once you pay a couple hundred dollars for the setting you won't be saving if you're getting the standard for the rest of the jewelry.
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