guest bringing milchig dessert to fleishig meal

amother

Fri, May 02 2014, 9:07 am

We have some friends who live outside the community, not by choice. Every now and then they come in to town and stay at someones house for Shabbos. When they do, they cannot invite people over, since it is not their house. They have gotten in the habit of asking to come to us for lunch- which is ok, but a little awkward because we feel put on the spot if we weren't planning on having guests.

They always offer to bring something, and we always accept. This time they are bringing a cake. We told them it would be a fleishig meal. They confirmed they would make something pareve.

Yesterday I received a message from my friend "Couldn't handle it. Made a milky dessert...Can we just eat it fist? Sorry! Hope it's OK? Smile

" Later she clarified it was a pareve cake with milchig toppings which she said she could hold off on, but still tried to push a bit for the milchig toppings.

I told her I would not serve it before lunch- or else my kids would not eat anything healthy. She seemed disappointed.

Would you serve dessert before lunch just to satisfy a guest?

MaBelleVie

Fri, May 02 2014, 9:10 am

But I would probably feel obligated to invite them to stop by later in the afternoon for some cake and tea, and serve it then. Sorry you got stuck dealing with that rudeness!

out-of-towner

Fri, May 02 2014, 9:38 am

Sounds utterly ridiculous! SHE wanted to make you a Milchig dessert! Well she is coming to YOUR house and you are serving Fleishig. If she does bring the Milchig dessert, I would thank her kindly and put it away for a later use...without her! No need to keep it for her, as she knew in advance that it was to be a Fleishig meal.

abaker

Fri, May 02 2014, 9:43 am

seuda shlishi...or malave malka! shabbos ends so late you could have it later in the day....but no way would I serve if before lunch! (you could serve it for breakfast before shul with coffee) but only after my kids had a yogurt or something would they get a piece.

amother

Fri, May 02 2014, 10:01 am

No way! You did the right thing. Your guest was outright rude, to put it mildly. Put it in fridge or freezer and serve whenever...not necessarily when the guest is around.

watergirl

Fri, May 02 2014, 10:03 am

Thats happenes to me before. A guest brought cheese cake, knowing we never do dairy shabbos. We made kiddish and served the cake, then I took my time making salad and then we washed. It was actually pretty awesome. I limited my kids to one piece and that was that.

imaima

Fri, May 02 2014, 10:05 am

Eithe serve it for coffee before shul, or keep it for after shabbes. She couldnt resist the milchig toppings?Well why not eat the cake at home and bring you something else? This is so bizarre.

black and white

Fri, May 02 2014, 10:55 am

I agree that it is a bit rude.
It's her choice to bring what she wants, but it is your choice to serve it WHEN you want.
I would keep it for Seudat Shlishit.
Hope that cake is worth all that hassle...

Mimisinger

Fri, May 02 2014, 11:26 am

My only fear is, if you serve it for shalosh seudas, and couple that with people with poor boundaries, they may hang out UNTIL SS in order to eat that milchig cake!

I think it's rude and bizarre. Good for you for saying no.

MiracleMama

Fri, May 02 2014, 12:15 pm

She couldn't handle making a pareve dessert? I'd tell her to keep her cake and enjoy it for breakfast. Otherwise she might show up with it anyway and hang around for hours waiting for you to serve it after lunch.

seeker

Fri, May 02 2014, 1:09 pm

"Couldn't handle it"? OK, I'll agree that's kinda weird. But still, I would probably have agreed to serve it before lunch just to keep things smooth and peaceful. It's only one time (you hope/for now) and will not permanently destroy your children's eating habits. If they're not hungry after one slice of cake then they probably weren't really hungry in the first place.

If it became a recurring issue I'd give it more thought.

greenfire

Fri, May 02 2014, 1:16 pm

interesting guest ... what is she trying to prove or push on you ... she obviously knows milky & meaty don't mix ...

just forget it - but if she brings the cake assume it's milky [she couldn't help it - is it or isn't it milky] and serve it in the evening when you can all enjoy it ...

tell her she can come back later for some

although - I've had dessert for dinner & dinner for dessert - but for other fun reasons rather than imposing it upon another family

SplitPea

Fri, May 02 2014, 1:18 pm

I think if its a "serve dessert before lunch" thing it should be talked about and discussed between parties well before hand.

"Chany I have this amaing cheesecake I want you to try! Can we be silly and I can bring it on shabbos and we eat a bit before lunch" - that gives you the opportunity to say if it works for your family or not.

This situation seems off in so many ways. (Maybe because they dont live in a frum community they ade bir use to social norms?) I think ESPECIALLY because they invite themselves and you feel Obligated to have them you can set normal healthy boundaries about what food you want served in your home and when.

Either say no thanks please enjoy it yourself. Or take it and put it away as soon as she comes