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amother


 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 2:08 am
Weird Question: I have a skin condition that requires that I shower in hot EVERY day, usually twice a day. If I don't, it usually results in me itching so much that I become bloody and am literally crawling out of my skin. I typically don't go away, but eat out for meals in my community. One time I went away, and after I had showered, my friend's husband told me I had committed a huge aveira - no dan l'chaf zechut, and it made everything really awkward..

I was recently invited to someone's house in Lakewood, and would need to tell them that I need to shower on Shabbos - how should I go about it? It's so awkward!
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 2:49 am
Why don't you just say, "I have a medical condition which requires me to shower every day including Shabbat. Is that going to be a problem? Will there be hot water? Thanks for being so understanding."
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Heyaaa




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 3:50 am
How did you commit a huge aveira? He made up an aveira that doesn't exist. You should stop going to judgmental people.
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Liba




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 4:28 am
Heyaaa wrote:
How did you commit a huge aveira? He made up an aveira that doesn't exist. You should stop going to judgmental people.


I am sure OP spoke with a rav about how to do this and has her heter and knows the best way to avoid issues. A hot shower in most instances involves bishul - an isser d'orisa on shabbos, to heat the water in the tank (which will happen since she removed some of the hot water previously there) and of the cold water that replaces the hot water she used from the hot water tank as it mixes in.

I assume OP uses liquid soap and avoids wringing her hair (another of the 39 issurim d'orisa on shabbos is schita, threshing which includes wringing water out of hair) out after her shower.

No, no one should judge OP, but to say that the husband made up aveiros that don't exist is totally incorrect as well.
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Liba




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 4:36 am
FWIW in E"Y or a place with a solar hot water tank, I have been told there is a way to turn off the flow of cold water to the system so you can use up what is in the tank without allowing more water in so you are only using the hot water that was heated before Shabbos.

Maybe there is a way to talk to your hosts before Shabbos to see if they have such an option.
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Frumdoc




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 5:01 am
For sure you can turn off the cold water supply to a tank, and some hold this means you can use that water on shabbat, although you must be very careful about using liquid soap, not sqeezing your hair etc.

I am sure there is a halachic way this can work, but it may require some investigation into the type of water heater the hosts have. Even the laws of shabbos may be broken for a cholah. I recall a very shtark friend whose even more strict husband allowed a plumber to fix the heating on shabbos as they had an unwell visitor, organized in advance.
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estyn_ny




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 5:45 am
I believ Rav Ovadia Yosef allowed using hot water from a dud shemesh.
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amother


 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 7:43 am
Tell them beforehand. It's a medical condition and therefore there are different leniencies. If it makes you feel better a family member of mine has a chronic disease that causes intense pain and discomfort. This person is allowed to shower with hot water on Shabbos and do several other things that many people openly criticize.
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amother


 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 9:03 am
you definitely need to tell people you are with since it is normally not allowed to shower on shabbos.
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amother


 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 9:09 am
Op, there's a concept of Maaris Ain- to make sure never to be seen "seemingly" doing an Aveirah.
Showering on Shabbos is Maaris Ayin. It looks wrong.
As wrong as your host was accusing you, it is still your responsibility to inform people and explain why you will be showering.

You cannot walk into a hot shower on Shabbos, when it involves so many Halachos, without informing people that you have a Heter and good reason.
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esther09




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 9:10 am
As someone who would definitely NOT judge you for showering in my house on Shabbos, because I tend to be pretty DLKZ, I still think it's necessary/respectful to inform your guest before arriving. Tell the wife if you feel uncomfortable discussing it with a man. You got a heter, so that's pretty much your only responsibility there.

The rest is on them. If they want to say no, you can't stay here, well - that's their weird issue. And if someone wants to lecture you on an aveira you've committed, again, their issue.

The thing I usually try to be most respectful of is the chinuch of any children living there. It's confusing for children in situations like that. But, if anything, this could be a learning moment...
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amother


 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 9:15 am
Come stay with us. We have a switch/ timer on our hot water tank and shower every shabbos. Okayed by our rov who does the same.
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 9:38 am
Yep no problem here either. Dud shemesh has enough poskim who allow it to be used on shabbos and of course you don't wash your hair and you use liquid soap and you don't wash your entire body, meaning don't wash your face for example and then wash that in the sink and you have covered all bases.
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abaker




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 11:21 am
drmom said it perfectly. no further explanation required. I dont see why it would be a problem at all, as long as you simply tell the wife so they know in advance...they should understand. Smile
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amother


 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 11:28 am
I have had a condition where I needed to sit in a hot bath. I found if I left the hot water on a trickle the tub would fill up every few hours and the temperature would be just right (periodically I would empty it). I was a bit self-conscious about guests in the house hearing the water etc.

But you do what you need to do.

I would not have gone away though, to embarrassing, in too much pain, and would feel bad to spend that much of s/o else's water!
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amother


 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 2:44 pm
OP here - My friend & I went to sem together and she knew about it, I assumed she would tell her husband....
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amother


 

Post Fri, May 23 2014, 4:19 pm
Reminds me I when I told my host that I would be putting my son's nebulizer on a timer over Shabbos per the advise of my rov. The host was fine with it and it wasn't a big deal.
Refua sheleima.
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Heyaaa




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, May 24 2014, 2:58 pm
Liba wrote:
I am sure OP spoke with a rav about how
to do this and has her heter and knows the best way to avoid issues. A hot shower in most instances involves bishul - an isser d'orisa on shabbos, to heat the water in the tank (which will happen since she removed some of the hot water previously there) and of the cold water that replaces the hot water she used from the hot water tank as it mixes in.

I assume OP uses liquid soap and avoids wringing her hair (another of the 39 issurim d'orisa on shabbos is schita, threshing which includes wringing water out of hair) out after her shower.

No, no one should judge OP, but to say that the husband made up aveiros

that don't exist is totally incorrect as well.



How could he know how she took her shower. How did he know she didnt use cold, didnt wring her hair or use bar soap. Either he made up aveiros that dont exist or he chose to be nosy and he asked her for specifics how she takes her showers. If he knows bec he asked then he only asked to be judgmental.
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