DH thinks I am OCD about cleaning help

amother

Mon, May 26 2014, 10:00 pm

The more I reveal the more likely someone will recognize me. But let me just say DD is also very busy helping her siblings when they have babies or someone is sick etc. So I feel selfish asking her to clean my house, because I don't have any babies keeping me up half the night.

For a while she was making grocery orders and making supper almost every night for one sib (who did need it, but I finally put a stop to the use of my account. It's not like we didn't help out with many expenses there either, but enough was enough. So now she is more likely to cook in the sibling's house using the sibling's account, & I cook in my house!) So I do put my foot down sometimes. I just pick my battles.

She does cook for her parents if she is home. Which is not good for us because when I cook it's what's good for us! And she is mostly not interested in using my methods/ingredients etc. Though she does try once in a while.

I personally think it's somewhat of a co-dependent relationship because the more she helps them the less they figure out how to manage. But BEH she will have her own home one day soon & they will have no choice.

BTW there are no younger kids at home to enlist. AND - when they were younger, although I did sometimes make contests & charts, generally I preferred to pay for more help than to have one more thing to enforce. True, it's good to raise children to be responsible, but BH they are. (mostly, anyhow). These are by no means spoiled kids with umpteen sets of clothing and personal maids.

Sheitels? Vacations? Meat? What are those? I mentioned we are helping support our kids. That about sums it up.

mummiedearest

Mon, May 26 2014, 10:07 pm

amother wrote:

what you are not teaching your dd is that chessed begins at home. she is not cleaning YOUR house, she is cleaning HER home. she lives in it, she needs to help take care of it. and it's not nice to let her help her sibs out until she has her own home to deal with. she is going to have to figure it out without any help from her siblings. by the time she "retires," they will have kids old enough to help out. and they won't lend her their own kids, because they won't be able to function with the kids home.

you really need to limit the amount of help your dd gives her sibs. if she babysits for them weekly, they should pay her. she cannot help out every time there is trouble in their homes. she'll be run ragged.

spoiled does not mean having a personal maid and a walk-in closet. it means incapable of doing basic things for oneself because one has been trained not to. by that definition, your kids are spoiled.

just to link this back to your original complaint, I still think you should keep the cleaning help to your level of comfort. just enforce some basic rules around your home. it'll be good for everyone.

amother

Wed, May 28 2014, 12:43 pm

I must defend the teen who really did help in the house more until my married kids were in crisis mode.

Anyhow just had to report that the new help is much better and DH says, oh, fine, I don't mind your having help. What I minded was the lady who you paid for 15 hours when she did 10 hours worth of work. This is 'lemayseh' so that's fine.

It was a dumb thing to get upset about. It wasn't that we weren't communicating, either. It was just that for me it was better to have expensive, slow help than to look for new, and that was what he couldn't grasp.

So all's well that ends well, until DD comes over & starts cooking for Shavuos again.... but I am hoping she will cook chez sibling....and clean up after herself....