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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
My dh got a tip
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#1 Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 5:03 pm
My dh is a rebbe in a yeshiva and he got a very nice chanukah tip from one of the parents, he knows that they are not very well off financially. He went to the bank to cash it and it would not go through. He went several time each time it got denied . Wwyd? Leave it?
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 5:10 pm
if the check bounced, they will be notified by their bank. he should accept that this tip didn't exist.

btw, if you're posting about a chanuka tip right now, I assume he tried to cash it late. PLEASE tell him that checks must be cashed on time. it's possible that they have the funds in another account right now because they thought he cashed it already. it's also possible that they saved up to be able to pay him at that time of year. not cashing the check on time is very bad etiquette. please be aware that your dh may have cost this family fees for a bounced check.
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amother


 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 5:29 pm
Some people keep there account empty and the money gets transfer from another account as necessary if that is the case you cant cash it because there are no funds but if you deposit it it will go through
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 5:30 pm
amother wrote:
Some people keep there account empty and the money gets transfer from another account as necessary if that is the case you cant cash it because there are no funds but if you deposit it it will go through


since you don't know that these parents have a system like this set up, you shouldn't try to deposit it.
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SplitPea




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 5:38 pm
I don't think its right to say he is costing the family money. if they balanced their check book they would KNOW he had not cashed the check yet.

yes its proper to cash it immediately but to say he could cost the family money? NO they cost themselves money for having outstanding checks they could not cover.
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#1 Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 5:39 pm
mummiedearest wrote:
if the check bounced, they will be notified by their bank. he should accept that this tip didn't exist.

btw, if you're posting about a chanuka tip right now, I assume he tried to cash it late. PLEASE tell him that checks must be cashed on time. it's possible that they have the funds in another account right now because they thought he cashed it already. it's also possible that they saved up to be able to pay him at that time of year. not cashing the check on time is very bad etiquette. please be aware that your dh may have cost this family fees for a bounced check.



op here, my husband went to the bank right after chanukah, he did not cash it late, he went to the bank right away, why are you accusing of bad etiquette? And saying he may have cost them bounced fees for nothing that he did wrong. And he tried to cash it not deposit.
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b from nj




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 5:45 pm
#1 Mom wrote:
op here, my husband went to the bank right after chanukah, he did not cash it late, he went to the bank right away, why are you accusing of bad etiquette? And saying he may have cost them bounced fees for nothing that he did wrong. And he tried to cash it not deposit.


Any reason he didn't bring it up with them at the time? Was he just not sure if it was proper since it was a gift?

My DH will sometimes get checks that will bounce from clients & when that happens we need to bill the clients for that check + the bounced check fees but I guess since this is a gift it is a bit more awkward to complain that the check was bad.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 5:48 pm
#1 Mom wrote:
op here, my husband went to the bank right after chanukah, he did not cash it late, he went to the bank right away, why are you accusing of bad etiquette? And saying he may have cost them bounced fees for nothing that he did wrong. And he tried to cash it not deposit.


this was based on the timing of your post. I was saying that IF he did this, you should both know that it's bad etiquette.

trying to cash it again is not a good idea. unless the family informs you that they fixed the balance, you shouldn't retry.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 5:51 pm
dlkz. maybe they had a major unexpected expense right after giving your dh the check, like a medical treatment where they make you pay at the time of servce, and that check was cashed first. Or they may not be all that good at money management and not know how to keep a checkbook balanced. Happens.
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amother


 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 6:36 pm
I just had similar situation. I got married last year and when we were by my inlaws for Pesach they told us they found envelope for us while cleaning. It had a nice size check in it but what you gonna do...anyway, my fil decided to email the guy who sent it. I think that was in incredibly poor form and I'm totally mortified but the guy sent us another check and wrote in the note that we have six months to cash it.
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b from nj




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 6:39 pm
amother wrote:
I just had similar situation. I got married last year and when we were by my inlaws for Pesach they told us they found envelope for us while cleaning. It had a nice size check in it but what you gonna do...anyway, my fil decided to email the guy who sent it. I think that was in incredibly poor form and I'm totally mortified but the guy sent us another check and wrote in the note that we have six months to cash it.


Did you try to cash that check & it bounced?


Last edited by b from nj on Tue, May 27 2014, 8:13 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother


 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 6:41 pm
b from nj wrote:
Did you try to cash that cash & it bounced?

Heck no! Just figured we lost out. Never would have considered telling the guy.
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 6:44 pm
well that's an awkward situation all around. Confused
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amother


 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 8:59 pm
My husband works for an organization and sometimes gets gifts from people he helps. If he knows that a person that gives him a check is not well off financially he tears up the check.
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amother


 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 10:14 pm
amother wrote:
My husband works for an organization and sometimes gets gifts from people he helps. If he knows that a person that gives him a check is not well off financially he tears up the check.


This is nice to hear. Several times a year people from Dh's shul come around to collect for tzedaka for other members of the shul. We are in no shape to help out but dh is mortified from the people coming around (they do discuss who gave what among each other) so we give a small check of $20. Time after time they deposit it and it bounces. Luckily, our account is set up so that the bank sends them the money and we get charged $35 so they have no idea what happened and we end up paying $55 instead of our original donation.
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ValleyMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 10:20 pm
Your husband did nothing wrong.
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amother


 

Post Mon, May 26 2014, 10:24 pm
My friend got a gift of a subscription to Mishpacha Magazine. She got the magazine for a few weeks, and then she got a call from Mishpacha stating that the credit card was denied.

She decided not to tell the person who gave her the gift.
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amother


 

Post Tue, May 27 2014, 4:55 am
amother wrote:
My husband works for an organization and sometimes gets gifts from people he helps. If he knows that a person that gives him a check is not well off financially he tears up the check.

I used to do the same but my husband is kind of backside about following up on checks being cashed and assumes EVERYONE would notice. I grew up in family that is VERY financially disorganized so that never occured to me. He thinks someone would be insulted if it wasn't cashed so would never agree to something like that.
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MamaBear




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 27 2014, 5:44 am
OP, you say the family is not well off so don't bother them for it, in your mind, consider it your gift back to them.. It's months after Chanukah. At this point, let it go.
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chatouli




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 27 2014, 7:09 am
I get it, OP. Check this story out.

We invited a friend of DH's to our wedding. He was single, knew a lot of people who would be there, and so of course we didn't invite him with a guest. He wrote on the RSVP card, "Joe Shmoe + 1." We called to clarify, did you get engaged/start seeing someone and we somehow didn't hear?? (impossible) he told DH, I want to bring a date, I know you're having mixed seating, don't worry I will make sure that I give you a nice gift to cover both of our plates. Well, already we were embarrassed, but fine.

Wedding comes. He didn't end up bringing a date. Of course we had already paid for a plate for her. Ok.

We opened the envelope the next day. It was a generous check. Along with all other gifts, we deposited it. It bounced ($25 fee for us). We didn't say anything to him, not wanting to embarrass him. Them he asked, about two weeks later, if we had cashed it. My DH told him very gently what had happened, since he asked. "Oh! I'm so sorry! Here I must've written it from the wrong checkbook. Let me send you another one." We told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted.

Two months later he sent another check. Want to guess what happened? Smile I kind of wished we could send him a bill for the extra plate and two bounced check fees. Sigh. Can't make this stuff up.
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