Does it qualify as child abuse?

amother

Wed, May 28 2014, 2:48 pm

There is a child in my kids' gan who is 3 and in a stage when he still falls asleep for an afternoon nap, but has difficulty going to sleep in the night at a usual hour and stays up late. Now, this is not the first child and the mother knows, it is just a phase, but she really really wants to have her quiet time in the evening. So she tried to persuade the teachers not to put her child to sleep. The teachers said that they cannot help because the child is really tired.
So she just told her child that it is forbidden for him to fall asleep in the gan. And when all the kids lay down, the child kept sitting up saying that the mother doesn't allow him to lie down. Till he collapsed from exhaustion and fell asleep.
Now tell me, how it is ok for a mother to forbid a young child to sleep, when it is still developmentally appropriate and even beneficial?? If it wasn't a Jewish mother, I would have called CPS on her.

Delores

Wed, May 28 2014, 2:51 pm

So sad. But I really wouldn't call it abuse. Also if you do think someone is abusing her child you should definitely call CPS even if she's Jewish.

greenfire

Wed, May 28 2014, 2:53 pm

I've heard of similar situations ...

the reason it is unfair is especially if all the kids are taking a nap ...

of course a mother can have a preference - but not for school where everyone is taking said nap

I personally would not want my 3 year old napping - but I never had a 3 year old that was put to nap in school - as far as I remember

imasinger

Wed, May 28 2014, 3:03 pm

Ideally, the head of the school would sit her down for a chat and work out a compromise. Maybe the kid could be woken up after half an hour, so he got enough of a nap to get him through, but not so much that he wouldn't sleep at bedtime.

Bottom line, though, I don't think it qualifies as abuse, and you might do more harm than good by butting in.

morah

Wed, May 28 2014, 3:06 pm

Sorry, but I think you're demeaning actual abuse. Yes, it's misguided of the mother, but all she's doing is causing some unnecessary frustration. How about instead of criticizing her, help her come up with ideas for helping the kid go to sleep at a reasonable hour at night. Maybe he really doesn't need a nap, but he's tired from staying up late the night before. My 3 year old hasn't napped in 6 months, and he's not unusual.

amother

Wed, May 28 2014, 3:11 pm

OP here.
There have been other solutions suggested to the mother. This is not the point.
I am just puzzled by the idea that something so natural can be forbidden for a child.

smss

Wed, May 28 2014, 3:15 pm

he doesn't go to sleep until late at night BECAUSE he takes the nap. I've heard of this so many times with preschools. IMO the teachers are being more selfish than the mother. they care more about getting their nap break than about the kids being on a healthy sleep schedule. most 3 year olds don't need afternoon naps, if they are getting a good night's sleep, and if you force it on them you just mess up the nighttime schedule.

not saying what the mother did was right (though I think calling it abuse is a major overreaction), but I sympathize with her frustration...

greenfire

Wed, May 28 2014, 3:17 pm

morah wrote:

Sorry, but I think you're demeaning actual abuse.

thank you that was in my mind but I couldn't get the words out ...

MamaBear

Wed, May 28 2014, 3:21 pm

I'd fall asleep in the middle of the day if the light were dimmed and gentle music was put on. This parenting stuff is hard work! Wink

But if I napped I'd never fall asleep at night. Neither would any of my kids ages 4 and up.

A short nap for the kid is the compromise and may the OP never know what real abuse is.

iluvy

Wed, May 28 2014, 3:21 pm

Also, maybe the kid is stuck in a terrible cycle where he takes an afternoon nap, can't fall asleep that night until 10pm, has to get up at 7, is completely exhausted by 2, falls asleep.....

You are *really* quick to call bad parenting, let alone abuse.

MamaBear

Wed, May 28 2014, 3:23 pm

Not only would CPS laugh at this scenario, but unless you actually think a child is being physically or emotionally abused, to put a family through an investigation is cruel.

MamaBear

Wed, May 28 2014, 3:25 pm

Btw, another example of what seems natural but is forbidden: little kids are not allowed to chug water before bed even if they are very thirsty. Why?? So they don't wet the bed a few hrs later!

Sorry, but people who judge others' parenting annoy me.

amother

Wed, May 28 2014, 3:28 pm

Thank you for your replies.
I just wanted to know whether my feelings are completely off or not.
If you were reading my OP correctly, you would see that the child was really exhausted (at 12, not 2) and no, they don't have that break because there are some kids who don't fall asleep at all. But this particular child does.
I mentioned CPS to indicate who bad I think the situation was, in my opinion. Not that I called anyone.

imaima

Wed, May 28 2014, 3:31 pm

MamaBear wrote:

Really? You wouldn't let your kids drink before bed if REALLY thirsty? I would! Otherwise they wouldn't even fall asleep. They would just be lying there whining and asking for water.
You see, this is the difference! Having a happy, calm, hydrated child is more important for some people than having to wake the child for the toilet or change the sheets.

amother

Wed, May 28 2014, 3:45 pm

5*Mom wrote:

OOC, is your 3-yr-old your oldest?

OP
The 3 y.o. wasn't mine. I also have had 3 yr olds. This mother also has had 3 yr olds. I would have understood if it was a first-time mother meshugas. But it was just a "I am too overwhelmed to pay attention to him" selfishness.