Help with DS | Imamother

amother

Sun, Jun 15 2014, 8:53 pm

5*Mom wrote:

I'm willing to bet he's not getting quality sleep because he's so wound up. He may not even be falling asleep for a while.

OP, why not just try, for a week, keeping him up for 10 extra, private, chill-out-and-unwind minutes and see if that doesn't actually benefit his sleep and his morning mood.

I'm going to try the tent first.

This is the last week of school and then camp starts. I would rather wait until camp to adjust his sleeping schedule so we can find what works timewise for the summer.

We have the tent set up and DS is really excited. I hope it helps him have a safe place to calm down.

amother

Sun, Jun 15 2014, 9:10 pm

when my ds acted out like this, I sought the help of a professional. she used a term for this kind of behavior. it's called being hijacked. once you figure out the trigger, you need to try to do whatever you can to prevent the trigger from happening because once the child's brain is hijacked it is nearly impossible to snap them out of it (until somehting major happens like someone getting hurt or something breaking). this may require earlier bedtime or more structure at that time of the day so your child knows what is expected of them.

5*Mom

Mon, Jun 16 2014, 1:12 am

amother wrote:

That sounds nice. But when will he use it?? If you rush him into it and rush him out of it to fit into your current schedule, you're going to have a bigger problem on your hands.

amother

Mon, Jun 16 2014, 8:11 am

5*Mom wrote:

That sounds nice. But when will he use it?? If you rush him into it and rush him out of it to fit into your current schedule, you're going to have a bigger problem on your hands.

Why would I rush him out of it? If he needs it to calm down and he feels safe there, that's fine. He can even sleep in there if he wants.

You are trying to vilify my schedule. Please stop that. You may not even realize you are doing that.

amother

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 3:26 pm

amother wrote:

Amother, thank you for the term. I've been reading up a bit on this!

Did you get any concrete ways for dealing with a child once they are hijacked?

penguin

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 3:35 pm

OP, have you considered whether it is possible to find a sitter in the afternoon to pick up the kids & bring them home? That would allow them more 'quieter' time than afternoon care, and might not be that much more expensive. Also presumably you'd be home earlier.

amother

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 3:40 pm

penguin wrote:

I have. Unfortunately (for reasons I won't expand on at this time), it won't work out. At least not in the near future.

granolamom

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 5:39 pm

amother wrote:

Amother, thank you for the term. I've been reading up a bit on this!

Did you get any concrete ways for dealing with a child once they are hijacked?

I'm not the one who mentioned that term, but there's a book you might find helpful. Its called The Explosive Child, I forget the author's name. its geared towards older children with more severe problems than you mention, but his premise is very similar to the 'hijack' idea and his techniques work well even for kids with less severe issues than described in his book. I think you can easily modify for younger children as well.
he basically helps you help the child develop more flexibility and frustration tolerance.
it wont help the schedule issue, but its almost like the schedule issue is a sort of disability in a way. its something that is making it hard for your child to function but its something that you cannot control. so maybe working it from that angle will be helpful. no blame, no guilt, just recognizing the limitations and working with what you have.

btw, how did the tent work out?

amother

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 6:04 pm

my ds was similar and I was tearing my hair out bec. ppl just don't get it. they say to be more firm or whatever and they don't get this kind of kid.
for me, my son's school referred me to Dr. Koslowitz's targeted parenting classes - she has a whole bunch about diff. kinds of kids.
I went to the one called the highly reactive child, and it was all about how to work with kids that have explosions and switch from good to really difficult in like 2 seconds.
It's not like a regular parenting class it is small and there's homework. hard to explain but it feels like she's teaching you exactly what to do, not just giving a speech or whatever.
I can give you the office # in lakewood - not sure how she does the webinars but I know she does them. it's 732-364-3111.
I'd post what she taught us but I signed a paper that I wouldn't post her techniques or show my binder to anyone. she says otherwise her stuff is copied.
anon cuz my son deserves his privacy

amother

Wed, Jun 18 2014, 5:56 am

granolamom wrote:

I read the explosive child. Good book.

So far so good with the tent (he really likes having his own special place). However, he hasn't had an episode, so I don't know.

amother

Wed, Jun 18 2014, 5:56 am

amother wrote:

Thank you!

amother

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 12:00 pm

An update:

we decided to try a 15 minute later bedtime with him last week, since it was between camp and school and if his behavior was off, it would be at an ok time to deal with it.

Those 15 minutes made such a difference - in the negative! He was horrific and exhausted and had multiple breakdowns in a span of 4 days. He wouldn't use the tent as a space to calm down when he was melting down. I don't know if its ineffective or not. He likes having it, so its no loss either way.

I'm glad we tried it though because I was doubting myself. Needless to say, that was a disaster we are not revisiting.