Worried about hostess falsifying

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amother

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:16 pm

I’m really not sure where to post this or what I’m looking for, perhaps another perspective.

I recently attended a simcha at a home, thrown together by the hostess in a short period of time. She did a lovely, lovely job, in terms of food, table décor etc. It was a small gathering & I think all the other women were quite friendly and nothing seemed to be ‘judgemental’ or ‘trying to impress’.

Everything seemed to be homemade except for some miniature hors d’oevres type items such as I have often bought – you may have seen them, little franks & blanks, tiny egg rolls etc.

One of the women was saying how nicely shaped one type of those miniatures were, and I heard the hostess saying that she used a flaky dough, it’s tricky how you shape them, and yes, you have to bake them in cupcake tins to keep the shape etc.

But it was so clear to me that these were the ready-made type, and you generally can tell the difference between something home-made and something store-bought.

So, perhaps I totally misunderstood what she was saying, and she just meant you have to prepare them carefully even from the freezer. But I really don’t think I was mistaken.

Or, she miraculously (and mind you, in one day, while making all the other foods, buying the accessories etc) made something that looked exactly like store-bought.

Or, she has some pathological need to impress her friend, and I should be worried about her mental health?

(Note: I am not stam being a yenta. We are close with these folks in a mentor kind of way, and I do legitimately possibly have role to play to try to help if there is a concern that there’s something going on.)

What do y’all think?

mummiedearest

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:18 pm

it's possible she often does make these on her own, and that she has a trick to it, but that she bought them for this event.

honestly, though, don't talk to her about it unless she brings it up.

out-of-towner

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:19 pm

It is possible to make these types of things, and much cheaper!

Maybe she has a lot of time and enjoys making things like this!

Stay out of it, it's not worth a fight and it won't do any good to confront h

imasinger

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:22 pm

On a scale of 1-10, how serious of a concern is this to you?

Because your options are either to accuse this woman of lying (about something inconsequential), to speak l"h about her, or to be d"lz, and let it all go.

Frankly, I admire you.

You must be a very special person indeed to be so put together in your own middos that this becomes your focus.

causemommysaid

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:23 pm

your making a mountain out of a molehill.

its nothing

suzyq

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:27 pm

Could she possibly have had them in her freezer, having made them when she did have more time to make them look professional?

Even if that couldn't possibly be the case, I don't know why it's such a big thing. Let it go, it really seems unimportant.

Barbara

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:29 pm

amother wrote:

I think that you're being a yenta.

Unless this simcha was an audition for a job at a restaurant, caterer or culinary school, I cannot imagine what type of mentoring role would include "outing" or confronting someone for saying that they prepared a food that they actually purchased.

And questioning someone's mental health because you suspect that she might have bought the egg rolls seems way over the top.

Kitten

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:30 pm

amother wrote:

you generally can tell the difference between something home-made and something store-bought.

Not true. If you buy a salad from the store and put it in your own bowl, you might think it's homemade. If you are very talented is terms of presenting your food (shapes, etc.), you might think it comes from the store...
I have had things from the store that don't taste and look that good. You would think someone doesn't know how to cook (so probably homemade), but it does come from the store...

amother

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:32 pm

OP here.
I hear what you're all saying.

But let's assume she did buy them & felt the need to pretend she made them. Is that not clearly inidactive of s/t unhealthy?

Of course I would not confront her but just be on the alert. E.g. I might mention to my DH that if her DH seems concerned about a/t else, this might be a piece of the picture.

octopus

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:36 pm

this whole conversation just seems to be inane. stop psychoanalyzing.

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:44 pm

amother wrote:

I would be more concerned that saying something to your DH is L"H than I would about what this may or may not indicate.

And boy! Am I glad I don't have a mentor who shows up to any affair I do in my house to analyze a whole picture of me and health.

Barbara

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:50 pm

amother wrote:

Maybe you've left out a huge piece of the puzzle here. But -- and I say this with all candor -- your obsession with this tiny detail seems to be to be clearly indicative of something unhealthy. Not a possible little white lie about making an hors d'oeuvre.

5*Mom

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:51 pm

amother wrote:

But let's assume she did buy them & felt the need to pretend she made them. Is that not clearly inidactive of s/t unhealthy?

Meh. Some people are like that.

But your over-concern with this to the point of obsession, OTOH, is a bit worrisome.

It's nothing. Let it go. And please do take 10 giant steps back from her life.

penguin

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:53 pm

deleted

morah

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 2:12 pm

amother wrote:

Or, you know, it's indicative of wanting to keep up appearances. We've all done it. While I wouldn't call it healthy, it is hardly a sign of larger underlying issues. Let's not pathologize normal, if slightly silly, human behavior.

Barbara

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 2:19 pm

morah wrote:

amother

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 2:27 pm

Maybe she keeps them in the freezer for a minutes notice. and this was a good time to use it. I'm the type that has lots of stuff in my freezer for suprises.

I make very pretty chocolate babka in tulip cupcake holders - similar to what people sell. I have platters of them packaged in the freezer to send to a simcha at a minutes notice.
Very often people ask me where I ordered them from, or they look just like the ad. But they are truly my own.

tichellady

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 3:18 pm

I really think this should not be your concern. Even if she did lie, it's not your problem and it does not indicate anything serious. If she lies all the time, that's a different story, but also not your problem.

I recently found myself in a similar situation to the person you are describing (assuming she did lie).
I brought a new mother a meal and because I had a crazy day and didn't have time to cook, I bought a component of the meal from a restaurant. I didn't tell her because I knew she would be upset I was spending so much money on her. She told me how delicious it was and I just said thank you because I decided it wasn't worth it to make the situation awkward by mentioning that I had not made it. I am not sure if I did the right thing or not, but I don't think that what I did indicates any mental illness.

cookiecutter

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 3:24 pm

imasinger wrote:

You must be a very special person indeed to be so put together in your own middos that this becomes your focus.

Monumentally backhanded compliment. I will have to use this in the future.

sequoia

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 3:30 pm

sheesh, who cares? Almost every woman has done this at least once, if indeed they were store bought. And they may not have been.

I asked a friend to bake a cake once, to impress someone embarrassed

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