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Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions
Loshon Harah??



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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 17 2014, 8:16 pm
My ds's bar mitzvah is coming up in about 5 months. I have had to put in all the effort in terms of finding a teacher, making ds study, etc. Although Dh is on paper would say that this is extremely important to him he is unfortunately very self centered and unself-aware. He hasn't dedicated a moment to ds's studies and it already looks like ds will not manage to complete his parsha.

Here is my question: Can I speak about this issue with the Rabbi of out shul? Dh is extremely active at the shul and very involved with the Rabbi and the board, etc. Is it loshon harah? In a sense I would be embarrassing dh by discussing this with the Rabbi. So who do I talk to?
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 17 2014, 8:19 pm
What would speaking to someone accomplish? I think this is just something you need go accept and move on.

Also, there is nothing wrong with a boy not completing the parasha. It shouldn't be this huge pressure on him. If he is motivated to do it, why not hire the teacher for additional sessions? Plenty of boys don't have a father available to help them for whatever reason. It's ok.
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ElTam




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 17 2014, 11:36 pm
I would try talking to DH directly to point out that DS needs some extra help that you can't give.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 17 2014, 11:54 pm
What are you hoping to accomplish by speaking to the rov?

If you feel he can help you, would it be l'sheim shomayim?

Can you keep the conversation focused on what you want his help with, rather than your take on your DH's shortcomings?
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jun 18 2014, 8:16 am
Thank you for your responses. It was very helpful. I suspect it is true that perhaps I just need to vent my sadness and frustration... what could the Rav really do.... Perhaps in my mind he would speak to dh and kind of knock some sense into him, but I realize that is unrealistic.

Many times I have come to the conclusion that I have to take a step back and just support ds in whatever he achieves, help him see that finishing the parsha is not the only measure of success. I have considered adding another day of lessons, but the expense is significant...

It really just breaks my heart, that ds can't rely on his father to make this a priority, to be there for him in this way.
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