Would you let your daughter do this?

amother

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 6:07 pm

My post-2nd grade daughter had a difficult year in school this year. She attends a school that is warm and tries to accommodate the needs of all the students. The details are not important, but she cried a lot in school, had a hard time socially, and it left a very bitter taste in her mouth. In speaking to the administration towards the end of the year, they asked what her talents and interests are. I told them she is talented in art. They told me that the art teacher in school has, in the past, taken some girls under her wing who needed a little TLC and they think it would be a good shidduch for my daughter. Over the summer, this teacher goes into school pretty regularly to set up bulletin boards, organize projects for next year, and she likes to have an assistant with her. They suggested my daughter, hoping that the extra attention, appreciation, role-modeling, etc. would be good for her. I think she is a lovely woman and am happy for my daughter to have this opportunity. The problem is that my daughter is in camp most of the day so it would have to be after camp. No problem, said teacher. She'll pick up my daughter from camp, take her to school (no staff there since they leave earlier in the day), and bring her home afterward. Whole thing would be about an hour, once a week. My daughter was horrified that this teacher would transport her and said she will only go if I provide transportation. If this was your daughter, would you 1) allow the teacher to drive her both ways 2) allow her to be alone with your daughter in the school building for an hour? My husband thought it was odd that she was willing to transport both ways. I dont know what to think. I feel that if the principal recommended her, she must be safe (?). Or should I trust no one in 2014 and be present in the building the whole time?

mummiedearest

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 6:18 pm

I think you should listen to your dd. honestly, it's uncomfortable for kids to be alone with teachers. why not wait until the school year for them to do things together?

granolamom

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 6:40 pm

I think its weird. listen to and honor your dd's intuition. and you might as well let her know that that's what you're doing, use the opportunity to strengthen her confidence in her own judgement.

now, if there was a group of teachers and girls getting the school ready, I'd drive her so that she could be part of it. but just her and one teacher? creepy.

ectomorph

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 6:57 pm

I'd listen to your daughter. Sounds creepy.

amother

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 7:01 pm

OP here: she is willing to go if I transport her. I'm trying to to decide if its safe to leave her alone in a school building with 1 teacher. like I said, the school was the one who recommended it and so obviously they trust her.

Notsobusy

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 7:03 pm

Unfortunately there have been so many stories where the school was either blind to what was going on, or just plain ignored it. I don't think I would leave my child alone in a building with an adult, no matter how well recommended they were.

MaBelleVie

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 7:04 pm

No I would not.

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 7:09 pm

The whole thing sounds off. That's not accusing the teacher, but the situation is well meaning but poorly conceived. The idea should be dropped.

MamaBear

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 8:08 pm

I agree with Dolly. It's not exactly creepy, just an unusual type of thing and if you already have this "what if" in your mind, you won't be comfortable the whole time. It's your child....you're allowed to be overly cautious sometimes.

Clarissa

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 8:23 pm

When I was in the 5th grade, my amazing teacher broke his back towards the end of the year. The following year, I'd go to school early in the morning (I lived near the school and walked) and would go to his classroom and help him put away books, clean the blackboard, pass around papers, etc. It was really early, the school was almost empty (except a few teachers in their rooms) and we were alone. I just wanted to spend time with the man and help him out because I idolized him. I remember it as being a really special experience.

That said, I would feel weird about my kid doing it, because of what we know today about the risks of children being left alone with an adult. If you're not comfortable, say no. Too bad it isn't three girls or something. Would it be weird to have you go too, and be outside reading a book, since it's once a week?

Blue jay

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 8:27 pm

not good. Why does dd need interactions with art teacher. What kid wants to be in school in the summer anyway. Send her to an art class with other girls her age. Or get her involved in some crafting projects at home and host a playdate.

I would just drop the whole idea.

ElTam

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 10:08 pm

Can you drive your daughter and bring work/reading that you need to do while she works with the teacher?

kalsee

Mon, Jun 30 2014, 10:51 pm

Since you say she had issues socially too, maybe try to find 1-2 girls that would be a good fit for her, and get them to join this?

Raisin

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 3:05 am

if you think it could be a positive experience I would go with and wait in the building, maybe wandering in and out occasionally to say hi.

oliveoil

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 5:28 am

I don't think it's creepy - lots of teachers are willing to give a student extra attention and help not for any bad reason. But it IS uncomfortable for kids to be one on one with a teacher, in this case a teacher she doesn't even know yet. I'd say let the relantionship develop organically once school starts, it will feel more natural and less forced, and thereby be more effective.

Pita

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 5:33 am

I would allow it, but not if my child felt uncomfortable.

Culturedpearls

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 6:26 am

No. I never allow my kids to be alone with anyone. Especially if they're amazing.
Either one of us or an older sibling will be present.
I don't trust anyone. Sadly.

finprof

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 6:33 am

Why don't you go and stay with her the first time to "feel out" the situation and then decide?

sweetpotato

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 7:22 am

Quote:

No. I never allow my kids to be alone with anyone. Especially if they're amazing.
Either one of us or an older sibling will be present.
I don't trust anyone. Sadly.

You never leave your children with babysitters?

amother

Tue, Jul 01 2014, 7:34 am

Do u live in Immanuel