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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Israel related Inquiries & Aliyah Questions
Split aliyah (half of family goes, half stays back)
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 01 2014, 3:19 pm
Has anyone ever done this? One parent coming with a few children and the other spouse staying back in the country of origin with the rest of the children until a later date?

Im wondering if it can work?
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 01 2014, 3:20 pm
how long for?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 01 2014, 3:22 pm
Raisin wrote:
how long for?
At least a year or so.
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Marion




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 01 2014, 3:23 pm
For how long? My in-laws did it for 5 months (FIL had broken his leg and couldn't come but MIL came in August to get the older kids settled into schools; everyone else came at Chanukah).
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 01 2014, 3:24 pm
I did this except that I came with my 2 kids (ages then 3& 7) and only my husband stayed there. We have been here almost a year. I happy to answer any questions you have.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 01 2014, 3:27 pm
amother wrote:
I did this except that I came with my 2 kids (ages then 3& 7) and only my husband stayed there. We have been here almost a year. I happy to answer any questions you have.
I am the OP. This question is not about me. Its a friend who is thinking of doing this. But she had more than two little kids and some would stay with her and some would coming with her husband (he being the one to go to israel and she would stay back in their home country - not going to get into the reasons behind it - I just dont see how this could work.)
I can understand with two young kids and both with you mommy, but to split everyone up? And for a long time? How could it work?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 01 2014, 3:27 pm
Marion wrote:
For how long? My in-laws did it for 5 months (FIL had broken his leg and couldn't come but MIL came in August to get the older kids settled into schools; everyone else came at Chanukah).
As I wrote above, at least a year.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 01 2014, 3:29 pm
I wouldn't. Why can't they wait? I know families where the husband stays for parnassah reasons and comes to visit but that is very hard on the family.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jul 01 2014, 3:38 pm
Raisin wrote:
I wouldn't. Why can't they wait? I know families where the husband stays for parnassah reasons and comes to visit but that is very hard on the family.
I cant get into the reasons, but they cant wait. I am just so scared that it will all fall apart and that it is a half baked idea that will more than not work, but backfire in so many ways.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 01 2014, 6:08 pm
I know families who made "yeridah" that way for a variety of reasons. In no case was it a really good idea. The child/ren left behind felt abandoned and resentful, and in some cases had still not gotten over the hurt and anger decades later.

ETA I suppose it would make a difference how old the children are and how long the gap. Two weeks probably wouldn't do any harm, but a year is another story. A year is forever for a young child.
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penguin




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 01 2014, 9:41 pm
People did it when emigrating from Europe to US. But they were made of different stuff! And a lot of them didn't stay frum.
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boysrus




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 02 2014, 12:06 am
sounds like a really bad idea to me , it culd really mess up shalom bayis and be very unhealthy for a marriage and very hard on teh kids. Sounds awful.
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 02 2014, 3:16 am
Sounds like the husband in the family is running away from the law. . . . Can't think of any other reason to take children and leave the mother behind. Oooh, unless the mother is ill and can't care for the children and the husband has tons of family and support in Israel to care for his children till the mother can come . . . What I'm trying to say is that this is a silly question to present-- there is obviously way more to the story and no one can give an intelligent answer without knowing all the facts.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 02 2014, 4:27 am
heidi wrote:
Sounds like the husband in the family is running away from the law. . . . Can't think of any other reason to take children and leave the mother behind. Oooh, unless the mother is ill and can't care for the children and the husband has tons of family and support in Israel to care for his children till the mother can come . . . What I'm trying to say is that this is a silly question to present-- there is obviously way more to the story and no one can give an intelligent answer without knowing all the facts.
Wow, what a way to make someone feel silly or bad.
Why would my question be silly? I wanted to know people's opinions. Thats all.
Nobody is running from the law. No the mother is not sick. The mother has a good job and wants to make more money before they would all come. The father's profession could be done from anywhere. They are trying to save money, thats it.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 02 2014, 4:28 am
boysrus wrote:
sounds like a really bad idea to me , it culd really mess up shalom bayis and be very unhealthy for a marriage and very hard on teh kids. Sounds awful.
Right, thats what I thought too. I hope we (good friends) can convince them that no matter what they think, it is a bad idea.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 02 2014, 4:30 am
zaq wrote:
I know families who made "yeridah" that way for a variety of reasons. In no case was it a really good idea. The child/ren left behind felt abandoned and resentful, and in some cases had still not gotten over the hurt and anger decades later.

ETA I suppose it would make a difference how old the children are and how long the gap. Two weeks probably wouldn't do any harm, but a year is another story. A year is forever for a young child.
The children's ages range from 17 - 4. The boys would be with the father (a few older and one younger) and the girls with the mother (again, one older and one younger) and it would be for at least a year.
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 02 2014, 4:46 am
amother wrote:
I cant get into the reasons, but they cant wait. I am just so scared that it will all fall apart and that it is a half baked idea that will more than not work, but backfire in so many ways.

Sorry, didn't mean to make you feel bad, but that sounds awfully mysterious.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 02 2014, 4:47 am
No, no. It's very bad for a couple and very hard on the kids.
Don't do it unless chas veshalom there is danger to staying (and then, not worth staying for mom either).
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 02 2014, 5:00 am
Am I the only one to whom this sounds just fine if everyone in the family is on board with it?
The only problem is bureaucratic. When a family makes aliyah as one family they get one set of zechuyot olim and all that jazz. I don't know the drill if the family comes in twos. Maybe they get two sets of zechuyot olim? That could also be a benefit actually.

I don't see it as a problem at all, especially if there is a chance that they could reuinte for one time during the year let's say like pesach or whatever. and if the family coming to EY has infrastructure (family, friends) here to help and the person staying back "home" has family there to help, it can be just fine.

Everything depends on attitude and it pays to come here with a lot of money as in the joke how do you make a small fortune in EY? Come with a large one...

Kids are really adaptable especially the older ones if the story is explained to them and they get a choice where they prefer to be. The younger ones will cope. Separation is hard on the parents but if they are on the same page about the reason, then they can cope as well. Just make sure the money is worth it and it won't cost the difference to keep up two households in two different countries, two cars etc. for the duration.

Hatzlocho!
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 02 2014, 5:05 am
freidasima wrote:
Am I the only one to whom this sounds just fine if everyone in the family is on board with it?
The only problem is bureaucratic. When a family makes aliyah as one family they get one set of zechuyot olim and all that jazz. I don't know the drill if the family comes in twos. Maybe they get two sets of zechuyot olim? That could also be a benefit actually.

I don't see it as a problem at all, especially if there is a chance that they could reuinte for one time during the year let's say like pesach or whatever. and if the family coming to EY has infrastructure (family, friends) here to help and the person staying back "home" has family there to help, it can be just fine.

Everything depends on attitude and it pays to come here with a lot of money as in the joke how do you make a small fortune in EY? Come with a large one...

Kids are really adaptable especially the older ones if the story is explained to them and they get a choice where they prefer to be. The younger ones will cope. Separation is hard on the parents but if they are on the same page about the reason, then they can cope as well. Just make sure the money is worth it and it won't cost the difference to keep up two households in two different countries, two cars etc. for the duration.

Hatzlocho!
FS, let me tell you the negatives of what you wrote:
1. No family or friends (yet) in this country
2. No big oodles of money (as I wrote above thats the main reason why the wife will be staying back, to make more money.)
3. The mother will be staying with family so no living expenses per say. Thats also to save money.
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