How long after your wedding did you receive parental support

real israeli

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 3:46 pm

This post is obviously referring to couples who received parental support after they got married. I'm not interested in whether you think that it is right or wrong to provide support. I'm curious to know from people who did receive it, for how long it lasted? Did it taper off slowly or suddenly? How did you manage once it did stop? What were you up to at that point of life?
Thanks

amother

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 4:00 pm

I didn't recv support; but I feel that if someone was told for how long they would be supported, they should by that time have figured out what they should do & have something in place.

amother

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 4:04 pm

We lived in Israel three years after our wedding, DH wanted to learn there and both sets of parents agreed to fully support us while he was learning and I was in school. Then we moved back, he got a job and that was the end of the official support.

However, my parents help us out with child-care expenses and my schooling and both of our parents helped with buying a home.

amother

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 4:06 pm

amother wrote:

To answer the other questions, it didn't taper off, dh started working a week or two that we moved back to USA, we manage due to being employed and we had one child at the time.

real israeli

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 4:14 pm

amother wrote:

I didn't recv support; but I feel that if someone was told for how long they would be supported, they should by that time have figured out what they should do & have something in place.

I'm referring to a couple that was not told for how long they would be supported. Just that they were being supported until the parent decided it was enough. Wondering how long that usually lasts. I agree that if you were told you're being supported for 5 years, you should make sure that by the time the 5 years are up you have a plan.

tichellady

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 4:35 pm

We got married after our first year of college. Our parents gave us $10k each for each the next three years (so we had $20k a year to live on). My parents paid for my college and health insurance and my husband got a free scholarship and we paid for his insurance. $20k a year wasn't enough for us so we both worked in the summer and I worked a bit during the school year. Once we graduated and started working our parents stopped supporting us but they will occasionally help out with medical expenses and flights for family affairs. I know that if we had financial issues my parents would definitely help us, but thank Gd that's not necessary. My in laws are not as well off so we haven't asked them for anything since we graduated college.

amother

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 5:03 pm

real israeli wrote:

Previous poster here. We had made up earlier three years, so I guess my experience is not what you are seeking.

manhattanmom

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 7:37 pm

Like you said--you're not asking if other amothers think it is appropriate or not to ask for parental supprt....but maybe you shouldn't compare what your parents are willing to do with what other people's parents are able to do.
Just have a plan NOW to have what to do when the $$ stops. And have an emergency plan in case it has to stop before you "expect it to"

real israeli

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 8:26 pm

manhattanmom wrote:

I'm not really asking for comparison's sake. Asking more out of curiosity. So far those who have responded and received support each got it for 3 years. Wondering what the norm is. I'm already passed three years Smile

And we've already discussed that before the money stops there will be enough warning to receive an education. This question was meant for curiosity. Wondering how many were supported 3 years? 5? 8? 10...

manhattanmom

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 8:33 pm

real israeli wrote:

Wow....didn't realize there was a "norm" for this.

real israeli

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 8:40 pm

manhattanmom wrote:

Wow....didn't realize there was a "norm" for this.

I'm sorry. I used the wrong word. Obviously, there is no norm. Everyone does that which they choose and what works for them. I am aware that most people don't get support. I should have used a different word.
What I meant to say was that I am curious to see what is going on out there at this point.

amother

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 8:54 pm

At some point you and your husband will probably want to be able to support your own family with your own money. If your parents can support you forever, that's great. But you don't really see ppl in their 40's and 50's still being supported by their parents. I wish we could of been supported for a long time but it wasn't meant to be. My parents were able to help us out for a few years and then my father lost a lot of $. My husband and I had to get jobs and support our family. It was hard in the beginning but it is such a great feeling to be able to be sufficient and not rely on parents. (It took a few years to come to this realization!)

amother

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 8:59 pm

im not what your looking for, but in the beginning we didnt get support... I mean my parents paid for our cell phones, would occasionally pick up grocieries for us (and we for them) etc... but after I had my first (a couplw years into marriage) my mother started helping with childcare and at this point saves us close to $1000/month if not more while I work FT. if thats not support I dunno what is. I do buy her things and am very appreciative of it (ex: recently got a cleaning lady which we each have every other weel on my bill)

mommy3b2c

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 9:18 pm

My husband started a business several weeks after we got married. Our parents each paid half our rent. I worked for a few months and then quit my job due to horrible pregnancy. Our parents continued to pay rent for two years and then stopped. At that point my husbands business was making some money, and I was back at work, so no support. Got pregnant again, quit job. At that point, couldnt make ends meet, (problems in husbands business) No official support, but my parents and grandparents paid for groceries, cleaning help, kids clothes, some of my clothes, daycamp, some of my masters degree.... When things straightened out, parents stopped paying for things. At this point, b"h make a nice living and are able to pay for necessities and luxuries. My parents still buy us gifts, give us money for childrens clothing for for yom tov. (Nothing crazy, $100-$150, every once in a while) b"h, am very grateful for my wonderful parents!

amother

Sun, Jul 06 2014, 9:24 pm

DH's parents paid for med school ; my
parents bought a house for us to rent till
DH finished residency and made sure we could afford the rent. My parents helped financial later houses also . We were lucky .

justforfun87

Mon, Jul 07 2014, 2:21 am

We were both in undergrad for the first two years of our marriage. Both parents were splitting/supporting us during college so it was as if they just coninued that support until we graduated. I graduated and got a job and supported my husband exclusively for three years through law school. We also will be paying back all loans accrued throughout lawschool. His father is covering the few loans he took out for undergrad tuition. 100 grand vs 10 grand. Sigh.

amother

Mon, Jul 07 2014, 2:28 am

None

I didn't realize my father was willing to give us $$ until I saw him giving my younger sister after she was married - but by then he said it was too late. Oh well.

FIL did donate to DH's workplace (a non-profit) for a while to help subsidize his salary, so I guess that counts too.