22 month old wild child!

amother

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 5:59 pm

Help! I'm at my wits end. My child is B"H very active but does only listens half the time when I say no. I'm starting to give stronger consequences and I know it will take time to see if it works but so far, nothing doing.

I try to limit no's to dangerous situations, hurting someone, breaking something valuable, and throwing food.

With throwing food, I usually try to avoid the word no and just firmly say we don't throw food. I take the food away immediately and make him pick everything up and wipe up any spills. Then I give another reminder that we don't throw food. This isn't working.

I feel like I'm saying no all the time.

Son, don't swing from the chandelier.

Son, stop climbing on the bookshelf.

Ok, these are made up examples but he climbs on everything, had no fear and terrible balance. He hangs head first from the back of the couch over hard floors. Climbs onto the kitchen table, grabs our food I'd werr walk away for a second, climbs on baby gates. B"H he can't climb over yet. He had fallen on his head and face many times and fortunately only needed to go to the er once. I can't chase after him. I feel like I can't turn my back on him for a second. I can't childproof any more unless we get rid of all furniture. He knows how to move chairs around. If we put the chairs up on the table he would pull them off. I try to take him out to play and climb but I'm pregnant and it is very hot out.

Please help. How can I discipline at this age?

MaBelleVie

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 7:02 pm

zaq wrote:

Sounds to me as if you're doing everything possible. You're simply blessed with a normal, lively, energetic, athletic, intelligent almost-two-year-old. You're right, you do have to say "no" a lot and you can't take your eyes off him for a second. There's a reason why it's called "Terrible twos". On the bright side, your ds will probably be a high achiever after he's turned your hair grey.

Yup. This is all developmentally normal. At this age you shouldn't be concerned about discipline, just focus on keeping him safe. Be very calm and cheerful as you pull him off the bookshelf and remove his food, just say " we don't climb on the bookshelf/ we don't throw food" and immediately distract him with something else. Keep expensive and dangerous items locked up, and supervise at all times. Don't show him that his behavior upsets you, otherwise you'll get into a whole other attention seeking dynamic.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 7:07 pm

He needs to get out and climb in the park. He needs to see the big world. He needs to exert himself physically, climb, run.

He's being a boy.

One of the more active kind.

It's not about "no".

It's about civilizing him, sure, but also about meeting his needs to be the kind of person he is: a physically vigorous male.

If you don't meet that need, he will indeed pull down your chandelier, but that won't be his fault: he needs to run and climb and exert himself.

This need is not going to go away. That's who you have.

Save up for camp.

Take him to an enclosed area, perhaps with another adult, and unleash him.

In time he will listen to you, obviously, but if you don't want him freaky and sullen, and you don't, let the guy run and jump and climb and run. THEN we can expect him to be civilized. ONLY THEN.

Otherwise he owes the world nothing. It has violated his needs and nature and he will feel no allegiance to it.

amother

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 7:10 pm

You don't think I should keep trying different discipline methods?

Today I tried time out, basically me picking him for 1 minute after he was doing something very dangerous. He definitely didn't like being pulled away from his activity. He screamed, he cried. Then I reminded him to that he has to listen to Mommy and let him play again. There were 3 time outs within 10 minutes but I feel like he was slightly more hesitant and watching for a reaction before he did something he wasn't supposed to. I really feel like he was testing me after those time outs. I'm thinking maybe if I am consistent with that he will listen maybe a little more? However, I don't want to overdo it, and besides that, he's heavy, I'm pregnant, and with the third time out he pulled off my tichel. There was someone else over at our house but fortunately in the other room and didn't see. Pregnancy hormones kicked in and I started crying hysterically from the frustration. I'm feeling like a failure.

I left my husband in charge and went to anther part of the house. Sad

I really want to do my best for him and set appropriate boundaries. He is my first and I really don't know when it's appropriate to expect him to listen.

amother

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 7:20 pm

I think he may need to release some energy. Toddlers have a lot of energy and need to be active.
Maybe he's bored.
Does he go to daycare? If not, consider sending him. Even if it's part time. It might really help.
Take him to the park and outdoors.
I disagree with no discipline at this age. I discipline my toddler. If he throws food, I make a stern face and say "we don't throw food."
If he does it again, I take the food away from him for a few min.

If he throws toys on the floor, I say we don't throw toys and then put him in time out (usually in his crib) for 2 min.

But if he climbs on the couch, I don't go crazy. Same with if he takes out books from the bookshelf. I put away all expensive/valuable things and "babyproofed" the house as much as possible. We have locks on every door. A gate on the kitchen. And I push away the chairs so that he cant climb on the dining room table.

good luck!!

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 8:47 pm

I agree that he has extra energy that he needs to burn, but don't agree about the no need to discipline. Children can and should know what is and isn't allowed. I have a 18 month old, so I guess his 2ness might not have showed up just yet. And while I try to block/lock everything he shouldn't do, he does know what isn't allowed. (That doesn't mean he always listens, and I understand that he's still very little, but he is old enough to be taught.)

I know someone who had 2 kids in 1 year. Her 11 month old knew if she wanted to be changed, she would have to get the diapers and wipes and bring them to get mother. Kids learn a lot earlier than we give them credit for.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 10:03 pm

You don't say what he was doing that was dangerous. It is a kindness to everybody to have more or less nothing around that can be dangerous. No light plugs, no cleaning supplies, that kind of thing.

Perhaps have one room that is like a padded cell, nothing to do in it that is dangerous or bad, and have some big soft things around to work with.

A few of these in different colors:

http://www.improvementscatalog.....12449

and a few of these:

http://www.improvementscatalog.....15929

would go a long way.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 10:27 pm

A vigorous lad like this needs the strong voice and presence of a man, in particular his father.

That would be true even if his mom were NOT pregnant, and on top of everything else, she is.

This kid is quite young but the process of being socialized and learning there are rules is still part of his life, in a little-kid way, and he needs to feel the voice and authority of his father. I wasn't going to say all that but then OP herself said she had the sense to involve his father, so I applauded.

Characters vary, and OP may have many sons who aren't as handfully as this one. But that's how G-d made this one, and he particularly needs the voice and presence of a man. A male. Man.

OP he is going to be a fascinating and successful man some day. You will have a lot of fun and nachas from him. He is going to rule the world. Hugs.

He will listen in time, but his father must make clear to him, eventually, over time, that he has to listen to his mother and respect his mother. It will be coming from the father. Not every minute, but originally.

When OP is old and needs protection from something or other, one glance from this tiger will make everybody around her jump and say Yes Ma'm. A fine son to have.

amother

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 10:38 pm

He's too young for time outs. If [I]you[/I] need a break I.e. time out let him watch a video so you can calm down. My child is also 22 months old. Is into everything climbs on the table, bookshelves, etc if she climbs on the table, I take her off and try to distract her. I just say we color on paper not on tables. If she continues, I just take her away and give her something else to do. Take him to a sprinkler park if it's hot outside. If you don't have energy to go in the heat get a girl to help you. Remember he's not a wild child, you're a tired pregnant mom.

amother

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 10:42 pm

As I said before, there's nothing else left to childproof. No cleaning supplies out, all outlets are childproofed, we have baby gates, etc. Even kitchen is fully childproofed.

The main issue is climbing on furniture (and toys) in a way that he could fall. I really can't get rid of furniture or all his toys. I can't keep him from climbing on couches, etc. but I really want him to be safe when he does. He stands up or jumps right by the edge and falls, hangs head first over the sides and back of couch and falls on his face. He doesn't learn from this, he just gets right back up and continues. But any of these falls could G-d forbid be much more serious. I'm not looking to punish him for being wild, I'm just at the end of my rope because he knows no limits.

A padded room sounds like a nice idea, may just for me by the end of the day. Smile

Unfortunately we don't have an extra room just for him to romp around.

Hashem should just give me strength to wear him out before he wears me out.

amother

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 10:45 pm

Oy, this sounds familiar. My daughter just turned two and she is the same way. It's really just a personality. None of my friends who had babies around the same time as me could understand why my house is so completely baby proofed but we needed it! I've noticed that the times I feel like I'm saying no constantly come and go in stages and I can see how she is learning more and more what is acceptable. I agree with you in terms of limiting no's to dangerous/unhygenic things such as prying off outlet covers, playing with the toilet seat/bowl, climbing the sefarim shelves, trying to put the baby in the toy box/doll stroller (all true examples).
Children with this exhuberant, curious, adventurous nature need to explore and test things ALL THE TIME. In my experience, I have to give my toddler the chance to do new things, even if it creates a mess or isn't very relaxing for me in a SAFE ENVIRONMENT for LIMITED amounts of time. For example, I let her sit on a kitchen stool with the faucet on and a stack of measuring cups and bowls to fill and dump into the sink, designate one kitchen cabinet to empty out and play with whatever pots or pans are inside, play on my big bed with some books, blow bubbles out on the porch - she can hold the bubble wand herself as long as it doesn't go into her mouth, dump the contents of her drawers on the floor then help resort them. I also let her sit in the regular chair to eat meals lately, even though I would much rather she sit in the highchair and I recently potty trained her (because she wanted to go on the toilet). It's not easy but I can see how giving her these freedoms has made her calmer when I decide it isn't time to do those things. It's a trade off - sometimes I have to truly supervise so that other times I can sit on the couch as she plays with toys around me (without feeling guilty that she's bored).
I mentioned that I babyproofed but the major things that help me feel like I don't have to watch constantly are that I gated off my kitchen and dining room, and she can't open any doors other than the one to her room, which is safe.
I know these things are hard to do and can be exhausting. I'm not pregnant now but my second was born when my first was only 13 months. It takes a lot of patience and letting go to take care of any babies/toddlers, especially ones who like a lot of stimulation.
Hatzlacha and I hope I helped you in someway, even if just to tell you that it gets easier and I've been there

amother

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 11:03 pm

amother wrote:

Yeah, my son is not easily distracted. I take him away, he goes right back to what he was doing no matter how many things I try to distract him with. I also don't usually need a time out from him. I stay calm with him, I don't lose my temper. Today was pretty extreme because I had to run to save him from falling over and over and I was feeling very helpless. That's what the time out was for. It was not punitive, I just picked him up for a minute and walked to a different area. It was a break for him, and yes, he didn't like it but just momentarily stopping him from what he's doing doesn't work.

You make it sound like I'm insulting my child by calling him wild. Whether I'm pregnant or not, he is B"H very active. He was the same with me before I was pregnant, and he's the same with his very not pregnant father. I can appreciate this. I just want to set appropriate boundaries.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Jul 09 2014, 11:16 pm

Put down some thick pads or rugs and let him fall.

If he doesn't mind, you don't have to mind.

It doesn't sound as if he is crying after these falls, because you say he starts again right away.

There should be no coffee tables for him to bang onto. I hate any table with sharp corners, I like them rounded.

Don't fret. You have to let him find out for himself to some extent.

He is LEARNING during all this: he is learning where his body is, what it does, what couches and floors do; he is a gymnast and may actually become a sports guy. It isn't stupid horsing around, it is important learning.

Inform his father in plain English that this is a very boy boy here, and that he, the father, is going to have to take the reins a lot with this particular kid.

You need that so well understood that a small remark from you will produce a lot of leadership from the father. It's been pre-agreed on, and accepted. That he will - not discipline or yell, chas v/sh, but take over this kid, take command, engage, instruct and amuse, this vigorous son, on your signal.

All the better to get that going before somebody else entirely shows up. B'sha'a Tova.